SAHM question

Naydals423 · June 2013

I will be staying at home when this LO comes and DH and I are going to be discussing soon how we will be handling money. What works for you current SAHMs? Do you have a joint account or does your DH give you a set amount every month? Just trying to gauge what most people do. We have a joint credit card right now- but I know I will need a checking account for general household purchases. Thanks!

mrssamarataylor · June 2013

Exactly this. I am also the one that handles the budget in the house, so it's just the same as if I were working; we're just dealing with a smaller budget.

a_suda · June 2013

I'm going to be a SAHM too with LO comes and we work too...boo on allowances! Haha...I like the idea of keeping separate credit cards, I think that's a good idea for those hidden treasures ;-)

gopackmom · June 2013

I have been a SAHM for 4 years. My husband and I have joint everything...checking, savings, credit cards, etc. we make all major financial decisions together.

EMLYNNLERETTE · June 2013

AFwifelife:
DH and I have a joint account. nbsp;I'm his wife, not his child, so I have an equal say in our finances and not given an allowance.

Kind of this. But I have more say when it comes to money because I handle the budgeting. He still goes wonky and spends when he shouldn't though.

lovemyboyyss · June 2013

AFwifelife:
DH and I have a joint account. nbsp;I'm his wife, not his child, so I have an equal say in our finances and not given an allowance.

This is us too. Even when I was working we still had joint accounts and it was always 'our' money. I've been a SAHM for almost 5 years now and my husband doesn't say anything about what I spend on myself, the kids, or the house. Nor do I say anything about his spending. We both know what we can afford and respect that. I take care of all bills because I am home and have time to do it. He knows I pay everything on time, make sure we save what we decide on, contribute to our retirement, etc so we don't have any areas that we disagree on. It's worked really well for us.

ravenclaw1 · June 2013

I can't even fathom H 'giving me money'. If I SAH, my job is raising the kids. Crap pay, big responsibility. Being a SAHM isn't something that the mother decides. It's a joint decision and should be treated as a partnership.

VitaLuna · June 2013

AFwifelife:
DH and I have a joint account. I'm his wife, not his child, so I have an equal say in our finances and not given an allowance.

This. I'm not and likely will never be a SAHM, but I hate when I hear people say "my DH gives me $x a month for clothes". Just make sure you are both always on board with the budget and what is appropriate spending in each category (which is the same recommendation for a two income household).

Jason&Erin82507 · June 2013

EMLYNNLERETTE:
AFwifelife:
DH and I have a joint account. nbsp;I'm his wife, not his child, so I have an equal say in our finances and not given an allowance.
Kind of this. But I have more say when it comes to money because I handle the budgeting. He still goes wonky and spends when he shouldn't though.

this! I handle the finances. We have joint everything. If he ever has a question about something money related, he just asks. I answer homestly. Major purchases are a joint decision. I've been home since a few months before DD was born (so about 3.5 years) and its worked just fine. Everyone is different though. What works for one couple, may not work for another! GL and congrats on becoming a SAHM!

JocelynB0911 · June 2013

We have a joint account. I find it silly that the man you married would give you an "allowance" like he would a child. While we budget, household items fall in the category of well.. things for the house and are usually picked up when one of us goes grocery shopping.

JLMcWeeney · June 2013

We have a joint account. I handle all of our finances. It really only makes sense for me to do it because I know how much to budget for things like food since I am the one cooking. I know some husbands don't like the idea of having a joint account, but it really is the best way to keep track of purchases and budget.

Shanmarie1083 · June 2013

We have 2 joint checkings, one for spending and one for bills. I pay all of our bills myself and determine how much goes into the spending account each pay depending on our monthly budget. DH and I both spend as we need to, but we do discuss larger (usually anything over $150 or so) with each other before just going out and swiping the card.

Even though DH brings in all the money, I don't feel like I'm being treated like a child if I run it by him that I want to go out and drop $300 on a new handbag. I think it's the considerate thing to do. He needs to do the same when he wants to go out and spend the same amount on a new set of golf clubs or something.

Even though our main savings is joint, I also keep a separate savings with a few thousand in it from money that I made while I was still working. The account is only in my name and even though DH knows about it and knows the balance, he does not have access to it. Call me cynical but I think this is the smart thing to do.

katiezab · June 2013

I really love the idea of separating your money into separate checking accounts for needs and wants! DH and I have been struggling to find exactly what will work for us and our budget, and I think I will bring this up to him! It would really help ME to not constantly be counting in my head every time we spend any money!!!!

EMLYNNLERETTE · June 2013

Shanmarie1083:
We have 2 joint checkings, one for spending and one for bills. I pay all of our bills myself and determine how much goes into the spending account each pay depending on our monthly budget. DH and I both spend as we need to, but we do discuss larger usually anything over 150 or so with each other before just going out and swiping the card. Even though DH brings in all the money, I don't feel like I'm being treated like a child if I run it by him that I want to go out and drop 300 on a new handbag. I think it's the considerate thing to do. He needs to do the same when he wants to go out and spend the same amount on a new set of golf clubs or something.nbsp;Even though our main savings is joint, I also keep a separate savings with a few thousand in it from money that I made while I was still working. The account is only in my name and even though DH knows about it and knows the balance, he does not have access to it. Call me cynical but I think this is the smart thing to do. nbsp;

I have been seriously considering this as well. I think it would work really wellfor us since DH uusually does not know what and when anything is being paid. It sounds ideal actually.

Naydals423 · June 2013

We have separate checking accounts currently and I have a credit card for one of his accounts for house purchases. obviously any allowance would be agreed upon by both of us- not something just he decides and I would still have the credit card for big purchases- just as I do now.

lesleyb · June 2013

AFwifelife:
DH and I have a joint account. nbsp;I'm his wife, not his child, so I have an equal say in our finances and not given an allowance.

This

Naydals423 · June 2013

EMLYNNLERETTE:
Shanmarie1083:
We have 2 joint checkings, one for spending and one for bills. I pay all of our bills myself and determine how much goes into the spending account each pay depending on our monthly budget. DH and I both spend as we need to, but we do discuss larger usually anything over 150 or so with each other before just going out and swiping the card. Even though DH brings in all the money, I don't feel like I'm being treated like a child if I run it by him that I want to go out and drop 300 on a new handbag. I think it's the considerate thing to do. He needs to do the same when he wants to go out and spend the same amount on a new set of golf clubs or something.nbsp;Even though our main savings is joint, I also keep a separate savings with a few thousand in it from money that I made while I was still working. The account is only in my name and even though DH knows about it and knows the balance, he does not have access to it. Call me cynical but I think this is the smart thing to do. nbsp;
I have been seriously considering this as well. I think it would work really wellfor us since DH uusually does not know what and when anything is being paid. It sounds ideal actually.

Thanks! this sounds like a good solution!

kimmykaye · June 2013

We have a joint checking and joint savings. We also have some credit cards that we're trying to pay down to increase our credit score for when we want to buy a house next year. DH works while I SAH. It still feels new to me since I've only been a SAHM since this past September. I pretty much make sure all the bills get paid on time, and I let DH know what we have left over for food and miscellaneous expenses after said bills are paid. We don't make any large purchases without discussing it first. I am a little OCD when it comes to checking our accounts. I think I check them at least 2-3 times a day. We are pretty much living paycheck to paycheck right now. DH's year date at his job will be at the end of August, which is when he'll receive a bump up on the pay scale and we'll be able to start really saving for our down payment. Anyways, I guess the point is we work as a team when it comes to how our money is spent. Sure I make certain that the "bills" are paid on time, but we discuss how the rest is spent/saved. Oh, and it's not "his" money, it's "our" money. We did it the same way when I was working and he was a SAHD/student.

kennazebrowsky · June 2013

I am not a SAHM but we have a joint as well as our own accounts and we would so if I did stay home. We have always had it set up like this.

I also handle our budget and all of the bill paying including my husbands bills because I am more organized and have everything set up a certain way to make sure everything gets paid on time.

LnR70707 · June 2013

We have a joint account but frankly I forget it is even there. I banked the majority of my paychecks the past few years with SAHM in mind, so my expenditures come mostly from my own account (I do have some income from being a shareholder in my family's business, so it isn't just doing nothing but go down). When we have big bills to pay, like school taxes, we look at what money is where and decide whose account it should come out of.

Shanmarie1083 · June 2013

EMLYNNLERETTE:
Shanmarie1083:
We have 2 joint checkings, one for spending and one for bills. I pay all of our bills myself and determine how much goes into the spending account each pay depending on our monthly budget. DH and I both spend as we need to, but we do discuss larger usually anything over 150 or so with each other before just going out and swiping the card. Even though DH brings in all the money, I don't feel like I'm being treated like a child if I run it by him that I want to go out and drop 300 on a new handbag. I think it's the considerate thing to do. He needs to do the same when he wants to go out and spend the same amount on a new set of golf clubs or something.nbsp;Even though our main savings is joint, I also keep a separate savings with a few thousand in it from money that I made while I was still working. The account is only in my name and even though DH knows about it and knows the balance, he does not have access to it. Call me cynical but I think this is the smart thing to do. nbsp;
I have been seriously considering this as well. I think it would work really wellfor us since DH uusually does not know what and when anything is being paid. It sounds ideal actually.

I took over paying the bills because DH is terrible about remembering what is due when. I think auto-payments are the only reason he still has good credit because if it weren't for those, he would have so many late payments on his report.

Once we got married, I took over our finances. Call me old fashioned but I hate auto-payments, especially when the amount isn't fixed. For our CC bill and other fluctuating balances I always go through the bills with a fine toothed comb before paying them. Some of our bills I still pay with a check. I'm so old school

DonnaMartinGraduates · June 2013

We've had a joint account for many years, but I've always had an additional checking account all to myself. I transfer spending money to it from my business account, but usually it goes to credit card payments. Most of the time I spend freely out of our joint account unless it's a big purchase then I double check with DH since he's the one who balances the checkbook.

ksf13 · June 2013

AFwifelife:
DH and I have a joint account. I'm his wife, not his child, so I have an equal say in our finances and not given an allowance.

Same here. I already stay at home and we have two debit cards linked to the same account.

RedDDD · June 2013

Funny, I guess Im the minority. We have nothing joint. Probably because DH was married before and I was in a 7 year relationship before and so when we met we had been on our own for a while. We have independant checking and savings accounts. Once baby #2 comes DH will be staying home for a year and we talked about giving him an allowance in cash for things like groceries etc. I am the bill payer in our house so I pay all the bills currently out of my account but he pays mortgage and cell bill. When he quits work I will take over all bill paying and then use the cash to buy stuff from Target etc. Its what works for us. BUT we did talk and jointly decide on a weekly budget for groceries and diapers etc. He could care less that he's not tied to my checking account. But I would never want to be in the situation where my husband freaked out because I went on a shoe shopping spree. That would send me over the edge. So we like keeping things separate. I don't ask what he spent golfing and drinking with the guys and he doesn't ask what I spent at the spa or out shopping.

Its what works for us

Naydals423 · June 2013

Diapers&Wipes:
I'm in the minority. DH pays all the bills and I get an "allowance" if you will. I get it in cash. We have tried a lot of different arrangements and this works best. I'm a notorious spender, always have been. Cash keeps me on track. I have a check card and credit card for emergencies. The amount of cash I get was agreed upon by us both. DH gets the same amount, roughly. If I need extra money for something I spend it but I try not to make it a habit. We have an agreed upon budget so I need to try my best to stick to it. No matter what arrangement you set up make sure you have access to and knowledge of all accounts. It's really easy to get disengaged from the financial side of things and that's no good for the long term.

Thanks! I have been known to have a spending problem so that's why we considered the allowance route too. I actually was the one to bring it up- thought it would help keep me in check. I think having a seperate joint account would kinda be the same- I am terrible about using cash/getting it out of an atm in general. Thanks for your input!

disneyfan0511 · June 2013

I would never consider an "allowance" - that seems very 1950's to me. I still work on the side (just from home) so I guess the issue isn't the same since I do have an income. We've always discussed large purchases together. And I'm good about controlling my spending and living within our means.

chois · June 2013

scatteredtrees:

Do you not have a checking account now? Your last couple sentences confused me.

I've been SAH for 3.5 years now, with some random contract jobs sprinkled in.

Our basic breakdown looks like this:

We have two checking accounts, one savings account, and one credit card.

H's paycheck is deposited into our main account, and I transfer a set amount into savings every two weeks. After all bills are paid and we're budgeted out for the next two weeks, I take surplus and put it in the second account. That becomes H's "I wanted to buy lunch for my office" or he wants to get coffee on his way to work, or whatever money. He puts all of his business expenses on his credit card, and what his not reimbursed for, we pay in full every month.

I have 100% access to all of our money at all times. If I want to go out for lunch, or go buy something, I do it. If I know there's something on the horizon I plan our budget accordingly. I swear by mint.com- check it out!

All of this except the second chequing account.

Just because I don't get an actual paycheck, doesn't mean I have no right to spend our money. Even when I was working we still had joint accounts that all the money went into. We're both adults and know what we can afford. Any big purchases are discussed first (though mostly just because the big stuff involves both of our opinions and not that we need permission).

By staying home with DS I'm saving us a ton of money on daycare... so its not as though its costing us money for me to SAH. We decided together that it was the best desicion for our family. We both follow our budget and can make our own desicions on what we spend.

waterfall11 · June 2013

All of our money and bills has always been combined since we got married so me SAH hasn't changed how it's handled.

Pockety · June 2013

I'm a SAHM. We have joint accounts for everything, and don't get allowances. We are both responsible and trust each other. We do discuss big purchases before buying, anything over 50 or 100, whether its for one of us, the kids, the dog, or the house.

When we both worked and had no kids, all our money went into a joint account, and from that account, we each got an allowance transferred into our own accounts. This is the money we used to buy lunch at work or anything "extra" that wasn't in our regular budget. But it was equal! There were times that he made more money, and times that I did, even significantly more. But we never considered spending unequally!! I mean, now we spend unequally but it's because we have entirely different lives. It's not that he "gets" to do or spend tons of money on himself because he makes it, and I can't because I don't. Really, I spend all the money, because I do all the errands!

RunningGal900 · June 2013

We have a joint account and have since we were married. It has always been our money, though I've never made nearly as much money as DH. We have a budget that we discuss and agree to together. I can spend a certain amount each month on whatever activities I want for DS, as well as clothes for myself or whatever I feel like spending it on (manicures, massage, facial, doesn't matter. He doesn't care). Same for DH. Even though he is the moneymaker, he still has a set amount he can spend on personal items. It's not an allowance, it's a budget to make sure we still have enough money for foods, mortgage, car payments, insurance, plus vacation and fun stuff. DH manages the budget because he's in finance and anal about that. I get a monthly report about where we went over and under and we adjust accordingly (sometimes changing the budget and sometimes changing our habits). As a SAHM, I choose to cloth diaper to save us money and I also do the best I can do with meal planning and whatnot to save us money on groceries. A penny saved is a penny earned, so even though I'm not bringing in money, I help out with our household expenses in that way.

I do not use our checking account except for getting cash out. I pay for everything on a credit card because we get card points and then we pay our bills from our bank accounts. I forget the pin on my checking account half the time because that's how infrequently I use it.

It works for us. I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM so we've planned for it since we got married. I have to make sacrifices to make it work, but it does work for us.

ETA: Also, the budget helps me because I don't feel bad spending money on myself then. I know we can afford it because it's part of the budget. I used to worry a lot more about money than I do now because I never knew exactly where we stood, so if I wanted to get drinks with the girls or a new skirt, I just wasn't quite sure. Now I know that as long as I stay within my X amount, I can buy what I want and not feel guilty about it (this has been an issue of mine long before I started staying at home, so it's not as though losing my income is what caused my guilt complex).

VitaLuna · June 2013

I should add, when DH was out of work and it was my income only and a tight budget, we each took out $100/mo cash in personal spending money... so I guess in a way that was our "allowance". Everything else (groceries, bills, etc) came out of the joint acct. Whatever that person wanted to spend the money on, that was up to them.

Now (with two incomes again), a small percentage of our checks go into person accounts to be spent however we want.

EOB584 · June 2013

DH and I have had joint checking and savings since we got married. We do not have any accounts in just one name. I control all of our finances - he is horrible at keeping a budget so it is something I took over once we got married to benefit us both. He may bring home all of the money but he actually asks me before he buys anything big because he is that clueless about our finances. Sometimes I do wish he was more involved but this works for us, at least for now.

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