Board etiquette question

melissa721 · June 2013

I know there's a blog floating around here, and I did read it at some point after my first loss. If someone could link it, I really appreciate it. One question in the meantime: Do you all prefer a siggy warning on every post title/before every reply? Or can I forgo the warning? Since I'm not a reg, I imagine most don't know there's a baby ticker in my sig.

Lauren659 · June 2013

lindsayhilleary:
You don't need a siggy warning for a baby ticker. If it were a pregnancy ticker that's a different story.IMO the only other siggy warnings needed are for infant pictures. And if you're regularly posting with infant pics in your siggy you really ought to change your siggy. I know this doesn't apply to you, Melissa, I'm just throwing it out there.Thank you for asking though!nbsp;Edit: added a word.nbsp;

All of this for me too!

melissa721 · June 2013

Gotcha. Glad I asked. Thanks ladies!

SandSunBliss · June 2013

lindsayhilleary:
snegde:
I believe the consensus is once you post a few times and people get to know you no signature warning is needed. I think toddler or kid ticker warnings are a lot easier to handle than pics. IMO I think your signature is fine.
That being said, as a Snegde on her soapbox FYI to others, if people plan on being regular posters on the board I think removing any baby/young toddler pics is a good idea. They are just hard to see for some members and out of courtesy to others I think removing them is the way to go.
especially to the bolded. There are a few posters who grate on my nerves every single time they post because of their siggy.
Carseat was always the best example of being gracious about this. She has an adorable daughter, but in her words, she didn't need her plastered all over her siggy because she got to see her everyday in real life, and didn't think that we needed to see her in our safe space.

all of this.

SuperKim13 · June 2013

Everyone else covered your questions. I just want to add that I love the scrolling grammar gif, ie, I just watched it all the way thru Wink !

gscoville · June 2013

snegde:
I believe the consensus is once you post a few times and people get to know you no signature warning is needed. I think toddler or kid ticker warnings are a lot easier to handle than pics. IMO I think your signature is fine.
That being said, as a Snegde on her soapbox FYI to others, if people plan on being regular posters on the board I think removing any baby/young toddler pics is a good idea. They are just hard to see for some members and out of courtesy to others I think removing them is the way to go.

Big thumbs up to all of this, especially the part about the baby and toddler pics. Those should not be in regulars' siggys here, they're hard to see for many.

QuigleyCat1 · June 2013

These women are wise and I love them all!

Welcome to the board, Melissa. I'm very sorry for your loss. And thank you for asking about the TTCAL blog...it's wonderful stuff. HUGS

ellajune2012 · June 2013

snegde:
I believe the consensus is once you post a few times and people get to know you no signature warning is needed. I think toddler or kid ticker warnings are a lot easier to handle than pics. IMO I think your signature is fine.
That being said, as a Snegde on her soapbox FYI to others, if people plan on being regular posters on the board I think removing any baby/young toddler pics is a good idea. They are just hard to see for some members and out of courtesy to others I think removing them is the way to go.

I agree with all this

Poppy715 · June 2013

lindsayhilleary:
You don't need a siggy warning for a baby ticker. If it were a pregnancy ticker that's a different story.
IMO the only other siggy warnings needed are for infant pictures. And if you're regularly posting with infant pics in your siggy you really ought to change your siggy. (I know this doesn't apply to you, Melissa, I'm just throwing it out there.)
Thank you for asking though!

Thank you for asking! I really appreciate you being considerate. I don't even notice tickers unless I'm looking at them on purpose. The pictures are what get most people. They are hard not to see and can really be a bummer if there is a newborn LO. That's my stance on the issue.

MollySm · June 2013

*sig*

I'm sorry if I've been a problem for people. I asked when I joined and was told to just put a warning every time I posted/replied. I've been doing that but still have been feeling weird about posting. I have considered taking down her picture, but doing that makes me feel too terrible. She lost a lot in this miscarriage too, especially with regards to my time and attention as I go through it. I just don't feel right removing her from another part of my life.

I'm sure I'm just overly consious of what she's lost lately, but it's how I feel. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful to anyone here, so maybe I should just move to the regular TTC board. I have really appreciated the community here, even if only for the past couple of weeks!

Junebug060609 · June 2013

MollySm:
signbsp;I'm sorry if I've been a problem for people. nbsp;I asked when I joined and was told to just put a warning every time I posted/replied. nbsp;I've been doing that but still have been feeling weird about posting. nbsp;I have considered taking down her picture, but doing that makes me feel too terrible. nbsp;She lost a lot in this miscarriage too, especially with regards to my time and attention as I go through it. nbsp;I just don't feel right removing her from another part of my life. nbsp;I'm sure I'm just overly consious of what she's lost lately, but it's how I feel. nbsp;At the same time I don't want to be hurtful to anyone here, so maybe I should just move to the regular TTC board. nbsp;I have really appreciated the community here, even if only for the past couple of weeks!

Your daughter isn't going to know you've taken down the photo. I understand wanting her included in your sig, it's the same reason I have a toddler ticker. He's a huge part of my life and I went through a lot to get him here. I removed DSs photo long before my last loss bc there were creepers stealing pics and bc TB was using people's pics on Pinterest and both things creeped me out. I loved looking at him when I posted, but it wasn't worth the risk of having the image used in ways I didn't approve of IMHO. There is nothing saying you HAVE to remove a pic to be here, just a lot of people saying it would be appreciated. After awhile the people who are bothered by your photo will recognize your SN and won't open your posts. No need to leave.

ETA: Just took a peek at your sig to see what the photo in question was. She's adorable. If your loss is recent, our LOs were about the same age when our losses happened. I get that it does take a lot away from them as we go through this emotionally [and physically, at first]. Give me a shout on PAL or a PM me if you'd like to chat about that.

MollySm · June 2013

snegde:
MollySm:
*sig*

I'm sorry if I've been a problem for people. I asked when I joined and was told to just put a warning every time I posted/replied. I've been doing that but still have been feeling weird about posting. I have considered taking down her picture, but doing that makes me feel too terrible. She lost a lot in this miscarriage too, especially with regards to my time and attention as I go through it. I just don't feel right removing her from another part of my life.
I'm sure I'm just overly consious of what she's lost lately, but it's how I feel. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful to anyone here, so maybe I should just move to the regular TTC board. I have really appreciated the community here, even if only for the past couple of weeks!

I appreciate you being sensitive. She is adorable. I guess I am not sure I understand why she needs to be in your signature, how that impacts what she lost? I have no experience to speak from. By not having her picture in your signature you are not removing her from this part of "your life". You still would have a ticker with her birthday. Do you have a picture of her on your car? Maybe think of it that way? I don't know. I think it is silly that you would move to another board if you like and want to be part of this one.

I guess it's not that she needs to be in my siggy, so much as taking her out is too hard for me. If that makes sense. I completely recognize that it's ridiculous and not necessary for her, but (likely because of my extremely emotional, going through a miscarriage self) for me the act of removing her just feels so wrong. The reason to move would be only because obviously other people are going through as much emotional stuff as I am, and knowing how hard this all is for me, I don't have any desire to make it harder for anyone else. Maybe in a month or two removing her won't be a big deal to me, but for now it is.

Anyway, I didn't intend this post to be all about me. I just wanted to apologize, because I had been wondering if this was frustrating to people here, and it turns out it is.

ksyknelvr73 · June 2013

snegde:

I believe the consensus is once you post a few times and people get to know you no signature warning is needed. I think toddler or kid ticker warnings are a lot easier to handle than pics. IMO I think your signature is fine.

That being said, as a Snegde on her soapbox FYI to others, if people plan on being regular posters on the board I think removing any baby/young toddler pics is a good idea. They are just hard to see for some members and out of courtesy to others I think removing them is the way to go.

This is why I removed the pic of my DS - so, I don't post a ticker warning every time but I removed his picture.

PatientlyWaiting10 · June 2013

MollySm:
*sig*

I'm sorry if I've been a problem for people. I asked when I joined and was told to just put a warning every time I posted/replied. I've been doing that but still have been feeling weird about posting. I have considered taking down her picture, but doing that makes me feel too terrible. She lost a lot in this miscarriage too, especially with regards to my time and attention as I go through it. I just don't feel right removing her from another part of my life.
I'm sure I'm just overly consious of what she's lost lately, but it's how I feel. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful to anyone here, so maybe I should just move to the regular TTC board. I have really appreciated the community here, even if only for the past couple of weeks!

As PP have said, you get to enjoy her everyday. Are there other boards that you frequent that ask to see a pic of DD? I know EXACTLY how you feel as I've had two m/c prior to DD and two after so she is my absolute pride and joy but I just didn't feel it was necessary to have a siggy pic of her for this board. I have a FB account where my closest friends and family enjoy her pictures all the time. In a community of internet "strangers" who are sad because they don't have any children I don't think it's necessary.

ETA: the women here are amazing and I think you'll learn that after being here for awhile. I totally get where you're coming from and if you ever want to talk about being a mom after a loss, feel free to PM me anytime!!

MollySm · June 2013

Sig

Thanks everyone. Again, it's nothing to do with the women on this board, who I know are amaxing. Just a hard step for me. I am on her birth board. I will change to a family pic. And either way I would definitely still lurk here, because I am finding being on this board to be super helpful. For now I'll try the change and keep doing what I'm doing. But please don't hesitate to tell me if it's too much.

SandSunBliss · June 2013

lindsayhilleary:
MollySm:
Sig

Thanks everyone. Again, it's nothing to do with the women on this board, who I know are amaxing. Just a hard step for me. I am on her birth board. I will change to a family pic. And either way I would definitely still lurk here, because I am finding being on this board to be super helpful. For now I'll try the change and keep doing what I'm doing. But please don't hesitate to tell me if it's too much.
IMO the family pics (especially small ones like most people have) are easier. Thank you for changing it. I know it's greatly appreciated.

I agree with this. I have no qualms with your new pic Smile I hope you stick around TB!

ETA: I have no qualms, but I should also add that it is a very cute pic!

PatientlyWaiting10 · June 2013

SandSunBliss:
lindsayhilleary:
MollySm:
Sig

Thanks everyone. Again, it's nothing to do with the women on this board, who I know are amaxing. Just a hard step for me. I am on her birth board. I will change to a family pic. And either way I would definitely still lurk here, because I am finding being on this board to be super helpful. For now I'll try the change and keep doing what I'm doing. But please don't hesitate to tell me if it's too much.
IMO the family pics (especially small ones like most people have) are easier. Thank you for changing it. I know it's greatly appreciated.
I agree with this. I have no qualms with your new pic I hope you stick around TB!

This! Thanks! Smile

sweetpea2003 · June 2013

MollySm:
snegde:
MollySm:
*sig*

I'm sorry if I've been a problem for people. I asked when I joined and was told to just put a warning every time I posted/replied. I've been doing that but still have been feeling weird about posting. I have considered taking down her picture, but doing that makes me feel too terrible. She lost a lot in this miscarriage too, especially with regards to my time and attention as I go through it. I just don't feel right removing her from another part of my life.
I'm sure I'm just overly consious of what she's lost lately, but it's how I feel. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful to anyone here, so maybe I should just move to the regular TTC board. I have really appreciated the community here, even if only for the past couple of weeks!

I appreciate you being sensitive. She is adorable. I guess I am not sure I understand why she needs to be in your signature, how that impacts what she lost? I have no experience to speak from. By not having her picture in your signature you are not removing her from this part of "your life". You still would have a ticker with her birthday. Do you have a picture of her on your car? Maybe think of it that way? I don't know. I think it is silly that you would move to another board if you like and want to be part of this one.
I guess it's not that she needs to be in my siggy, so much as taking her out is too hard for me. If that makes sense. I completely recognize that it's ridiculous and not necessary for her, but (likely because of my extremely emotional, going through a miscarriage self) for me the act of removing her just feels so wrong. The reason to move would be only because obviously other people are going through as much emotional stuff as I am, and knowing how hard this all is for me, I don't have any desire to make it harder for anyone else. Maybe in a month or two removing her won't be a big deal to me, but for now it is.
Anyway, I didn't intend this post to be all about me. I just wanted to apologize, because I had been wondering if this was frustrating to people here, and it turns out it is.

I understand where you are coming from.

I have thought about removing my picture too. However, I was sad to remove my pregnancy ticker, sad to add a third loss to my siggy, and for whatever reason, deleting a photo that has been in my siggy for 6+ months now just seems like another "loss" in a strange way.

If my children were babies then I might be quicker to remove them. They are a huge part of what makes me who I am and to hide them (I don't have age tickers, they just don't appeal to me as much) just seems disingenuous. I also post on several boards where it is the norm to have a photo of your kid(s).

I feel badly that it might "grate on nerves" to have a photo of toddlers. I do. I am one of those people that usually tries to please the masses. However, TTCAL is not reserved for first time moms. I did lose my very first pregnancy, but then I lost a twin from my second and then my fourth. Losses effect all of us. I think that it could be argued that it is a bit insensitive to make those of us with living children feel like we have to essentially hide them away.

For me, I have been very sensitive lately to the commentary about how I should "just be thankful for what I have". Not on this board, but by lots of friends and family. Being made to feel like my kids are "hurtful" is just a reinvention of those feelings.

So it goes both ways. I know I will be in the minority, my flame suit is zipped up, but I do think that it is an interesting conversation.

sweetpea2003 · June 2013

Okay, first of all, you don't need to lash out. If I am to be sensitive to your personal needs I don't think it is unfair for you to consider the sensitivities of other people on this board.

I post on the bump for many different reasons. Both my son's BMB, parenting boards, and TTC boards. So that is where the idea of what is acceptable from one section of TB to another comes up. My children are a major part of why I am on TB. My desire for another child and to be around women who understand IF and TTCAL is also a major reason I am on TB.

I have had my current picture in my sig for as long as I can remember. I love it. Right now, taking it down isn't something I am comfortable doing. I am pretty positive that absolutely nobody has pictures in their signatures to be hurtful in any way. I am also completely fine giving a warning for the picture. What I am not fine with is feeling shame for the photograph.

I also want to say that this thread is a little confusing. There are women who say they are fine with any photo/ticker, women who are fine with older toddlers/children (which my kids are), women who are fine with family photos, etc. It seems like people's comfort levels are all different. I would just like to point out that women TTCAL who are also parenting after a loss might be a little sensitive about removing their pictures of their kids. I know that might not be what you want to hear, or something that you relate to, but those feelings are valid too.

I honestly just wish there was a way to totally disable siggies for certain posts (like check a box, it disappears). That way you could have tickers/pictures on some boards where it is appropriate, and get rid of it for others.

Thanks for your input, I'll have to think about what I want to do.

Serenla · June 2013

lindsayhilleary:

It's cray cray [;]

omg no! no!
A little piece of my soul just died there.

scooteriste · June 2013

MrsDeo:
sweetpea2003:
I also want to say that this thread is a little confusing. There are women who say they are fine with any photo/ticker, women who are fine with older toddlers/children (which my kids are), women who are fine with family photos, etc. It seems like people's comfort levels are all different. I would just like to point out that women TTCAL who are also parenting after a loss might be a little sensitive about removing their pictures of their kids. I know that might not be what you want to hear, or something that you relate to, but those feelings are valid too.
I think you've addressed the issue well here - there are a lot of different women on this board, and we each have a different stance on the issue. I think it's probably safe to say that we even have different takes on it at different times - some days are just harder than others, as we all know. I appreciate you taking the time to thoughtfully explain your feelings, and I sympathize with what you're saying about it feeling like another thing your loss is forcing you into.
That said, many of us would refer to TTCAL as a safe space - that is, the place we don't have to be reminded of what others have that we don't have, or whatever the pics bring up for each of us. Since your children aren't infants, general consensus says that they're less likely to hit those sensitive nerves, but some women would still greatly appreciate the sig warning. It would certainly be nice if we could change or hide sigs temporarily, but we all have to consider what we're putting in there since we can't just turn it on/off when we want.
I just wanted to add some ideas for you to think about as you decide how to handle your posting activity/boards and your sig. I don't want you to leave the board over something like a picture, because TTCAL with or without other children is still TTCAL and has its own set of struggles and concerns and I think the support here is great. But since you're not a drive-by poster who doesn't understand any of that, I think the expectation is that you would be extra sensitive to those concerns.

I agree with snedge and MrsDeo... There are group norms in play within any community, online or otherwise. Since you post on multiple forums on The Bump, I think a good rule of thumb (if you want to be accepted by everyone) is to cater your sig to the most senstive crowd.

I know that you love your sig photo, but you also have said that you feel bad/conflicted about it. I think this is less about board etiquette, and more about you being in a sensitive place. We have all been there. From the birthdays, it seems that your kids must be bigger now... could you update to a more recent picture?

Personally, it's not about the pictures for me, it's about people not respecting the norms and etiquette called out in the newbie blog. The special snowflake mentality doesn't go over that well anywhere on TB, and I don't think it's fair to come here and try to rationalize a change that might hurt some of the lovely ladies here who relentlessly offer support and love to others. Just my humble 2 cents.

uneek1323 · June 2013

I don't understand why this is always a debate. You don't walk into an established community and start telling everyone that they are wrong and that the way things have been run for years is wrong. The guidelines that have been put in place are there for a reason: to protect the women on THIS board. I don't give a rats asss about other boards. If you don't like the guidelines for this community, then you can either suck it up, conform and hang out with us, or you can leave.

lindsebert · June 2013

snegde:
sweetpea2003:
Okay, first of all, you don't need to lash out.nbsp; If I am to be sensitive to your personal needs I don't think it is unfair for you to consider the sensitivities of other people on this board.I post onnbsp;the bumpnbsp;for many different reasons.nbsp; Both my son's BMB, parenting boards, and TTC boards.nbsp; So that is where the idea of what is acceptable from one section of TB to another comes up.nbsp; My children are a major part of why I am on TB.nbsp; My desire for another child and to be around women who understand IF and TTCAL is also a major reason I am on TB.I have had my current picture in my sig for as long as I can remember.nbsp; I love it.nbsp; Right now, taking it down isn't something I am comfortable doing.nbsp; I am pretty positive that absolutely nobody has pictures in their signatures to be hurtful in any way.nbsp; I am also completely fine giving a warning for the picture.nbsp; What I am not fine with is feeling shame for the photograph.nbsp; I also want to say that this thread is a little confusing.nbsp; There are women who say they are fine with any photo/ticker, women who are fine with older toddlers/children which my kids are, women who are fine with family photos, etc.nbsp; It seems like people's comfort levels are all different.nbsp; I would just like to point out that women TTCAL who are also parenting after a loss might be a little sensitive about removing their pictures of their kids.nbsp; I know that might not be what you want to hear, or something that you relate to, but those feelings are valid too.I honestly just wish there was a way to totally disable siggies for certain posts like check a box, it disappears.nbsp; That way you could have tickers/pictures on some boards where it is appropriate, and get rid of it for others.Thanks for your input, I'll have to think about what I want to do.
I assure you I wasn't lashing out. And I am not asking you to be sensitive to my personal needs. That is exactly the point it's not about me or you its about being sensitive to women on the board as a whole. I happen to think the picture of your kids is adorable and I have no way of understanding how it would feel to remove my kids picture from my signature because I don't have any. Wish you the best either way.

Segde I PPH you!

Serenla · June 2013

lindsayhilleary:
Serenla:
lindsayhilleary:
It's cray cray [;]
omg no! no! A little piece of my soul just died there.
Haha you know I was using it sarcastically, right?

totes

Serenla · June 2013

uneek1323:
I don't understand why this is always a debate. You don't walk into an established community and start telling everyone that they are wrong and that the way things have been run for years is wrong. The guidelines that have been put in place are there for a reason: to protect the women on THIS board. I don't give a rats asss about other boards. If you don't like the guidelines for this community, then you can either suck it up, conform and hang out with us, or you can leave.

Thumbs up.

Poppy715 · June 2013

eme520:
scooteriste:
I agree with snedge and MrsDeo... There are group norms in play within any community, online or otherwise. Since you post on multiple forums on The Bump, I think a good rule of thumb (if you want to be accepted by everyone) is to cater your sig to the most senstive crowd.
I know that you love your sig photo, but you also have said that you feel bad/conflicted about it. I think this is less about board etiquette, and more about you being in a sensitive place. We have all been there. From the birthdays, it seems that your kids must be bigger now... could you update to a more recent picture?
Personally, it's not about the pictures for me, it's about people not respecting the norms and etiquette called out in the newbie blog. The special snowflake mentality doesn't go over that well anywhere on TB, and I don't think it's fair to come here and try to rationalize a change that might hurt some of the lovely ladies here who relentlessly offer support and love to others. Just my humble 2 cents.

I think that was beautifully and eloquently put post (along with other previous posts). I'm in the camp that is okay with everything except newborn/small baby photos and I think this is a general consensus.
Speaking of board etiquette, this is a very loving and supportive board to its regular members. I was a little taken aback by the "lashing out" quote as I felt like there was no lashing out going on around here. Not cool in my mind, but I understand it's a touchy topic. Sorry-I'm just protective of the ladies who've given me so much support.

Work got busy so i was unable to come back and respond until now. I agree with all the bolded above. Why would you leave something in your sig that could hurt someone? If someone said something to me about this topic I would conform to the norm of the board.

I find the idea that taking the picture out and it being hurtful to you or your children odd. I don't get it. If taking it down "makes you feel terrible" then I think there are much deeper things going on. It's a fun silly thing. Not a momentous event. Yes we sometimes have personal pictures in our signature but TTCAL is a whole different ball game. Sigs are decoration and a way to more easily identify a poster. Really, I'm frustrated because people have reached out to you and said it bothers them. Yet you say well they are my kids and I'm keeping it. This is our board and our place away from the constant bombardment of pictures of other people's LO's. No one lashed out whatsoever. This is a reasonable calm discussion.

anitaflora · June 2013

As a TTCALer trying for a sibling for my son, I will throw my two cents in FWIW.

I had a picture of my toddler son in my siggy long ago. But when I realized how much it was hurting the majority of the posters on the board I removed it. I couldn't stand to think that I was unintentionally hurting the very people I wanted to develop relationships with. The very people I wanted to support, not hurt, and those from whom I was hoping to receive support. It just seemed like a no brainer to me once I understood how hurtful it really was.

Now that I have been on a pretty long journey here, I have an even fuller appreciation for this aspect of the board. In part because I know I now feel this small amount of sadness and envy [okay some days a little more than small] every time I'm with most families. And knowing that most people probably think we don't have another child because we didn't want another child. I'm going a little off topic.

But the point is, that being here as long as I have been I have an even greater appreciation for why the culture of the board is to exclude pictures of babies from siggys all together and why it is hurtful to many even to see toddlers in siggy pics. And It's pretty simple for me. The importance of not hurting the women I care about is weighted much more heavily to me than the importance it was for me to have a picture of my son in my siggy. I proudly have him mentioned in text in my siggy and really that's all I need for anyone on here [or Internet land] to know.

Any other logic or rationalization for having the pics in signatures I just really struggle to understand.

Junebug060609 · June 2013

anitaflora:
As a TTCALer trying for a sibling for my son, I will throw my two cents in FWIW.

I had a picture of my toddler son in my siggy long ago. But when I realized how much it was hurting the majority of the posters on the board I removed it. I couldn't stand to think that I was unintentionally hurting the very people I wanted to develop relationships with. The very people I wanted to support, not hurt, and those from whom I was hoping to receive support. It just seemed like a no brainer to me once I understood how hurtful it really was.

Now that I have been on a pretty long journey here, I have an even fuller appreciation for this aspect of the board. In part because I know I now feel this small amount of sadness and envy [okay some days a little more than small] every time I'm with most families. And knowing that most people probably think we don't have another child because we didn't want another child. I'm going a little off topic.

But the point is, that being here as long as I have been I have an even greater appreciation for why the culture of the board is to exclude pictures of babies from siggys all together and why it is hurtful to many even to see toddlers in siggy pics. And It's pretty simple for me. The importance of not hurting the women I care about is weighted much more heavily to me than the importance it was for me to have a picture of my son in my siggy. I proudly have him mentioned in text in my siggy and really that's all I need for anyone on here [or Internet land] to know.

Any other logic or rationalization for having the pics in signatures I just really struggle to understand.

Well said, Anita. And I'm with you when it comes to that sadness and envy.

SoxFan777 · June 2013

ksyknelvr73:
snegde:

I believe the consensus is once you post a few times and people get to know you no signature warning is needed. I think toddler or kid ticker warnings are a lot easier to handle than pics. IMO I think your signature is fine.

That being said, as a Snegde on her soapbox FYI to others, if people plan on being regular posters on the board I think removing any baby/young toddler pics is a good idea. They are just hard to see for some members and out of courtesy to others I think removing them is the way to go.

This is why I removed the pic of my DS - so, I don't post a ticker warning every time but I removed his picture.

DS mentioned...

I agree with this... I have an adorable 2 year old, who I'm trying to make into a big brother, but I'd feel weird about posting his picture on this board. I also just found the parenting after a loss board, which (i'm an idiot) I didn't know existed. It's a great place to mention your toddler, ask questions, etc. I try to keep him OUT of my posts on here out of respect to other women. I know that "a loss is a loss", but I have a friend who's going through a loss right now, too, and from experience I know that losing your first and losing your second are different experiences. I wouldn't want to magnify anyone's pain.

SandSunBliss · June 2013

anitaflora:
As a TTCALer trying for a sibling for my son, I will throw my two cents in FWIW.

I had a picture of my toddler son in my siggy long ago. But when I realized how much it was hurting the majority of the posters on the board I removed it. I couldn't stand to think that I was unintentionally hurting the very people I wanted to develop relationships with. The very people I wanted to support, not hurt, and those from whom I was hoping to receive support. It just seemed like a no brainer to me once I understood how hurtful it really was.

Now that I have been on a pretty long journey here, I have an even fuller appreciation for this aspect of the board. In part because I know I now feel this small amount of sadness and envy [okay some days a little more than small] every time I'm with most families. And knowing that most people probably think we don't have another child because we didn't want another child. I'm going a little off topic.

But the point is, that being here as long as I have been I have an even greater appreciation for why the culture of the board is to exclude pictures of babies from siggys all together and why it is hurtful to many even to see toddlers in siggy pics. And It's pretty simple for me. The importance of not hurting the women I care about is weighted much more heavily to me than the importance it was for me to have a picture of my son in my siggy. I proudly have him mentioned in text in my siggy and really that's all I need for anyone on here [or Internet land] to know.

Any other logic or rationalization for having the pics in signatures I just really struggle to understand.

I really like what anita said here as well as many PP. I have developed such a strong respect and bond for he women in this amazing community even in the short short time I have been here. I love them and if I knew something that I was doing was hurting them I would stop.

That being said, I dot have any children yet and I am one if he sensitive ones in this case that has a hard time with the pictures. I hate being that person but i am. Over time it will get better and certainy when I have my own children, but for now it is just a constant painful reminder of the family that we haven't been able to build on this earth. I do not think it means that these mothers who don't include pictures love their children any less. But it does make me feel protected and safe that they are thoughtful in this way.

Just my 2 cents FWIW.

Board etiquette question

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