bfp 1 - m/c 1.31.11 @ 10 weeks
bfp 2 - baby born via c-section on 5.4.12 @ 37 weeks
bfp 3 - blighted ovum/d&c on 4.13.13 @ 8 weeks
bfp 4 - 3rd IUI, very late BFN with super low P, c/p
bfp 5 - natural bfp while on lupron, baby born via RCS on 4.27.15 @ 39 weeks
bfp 6 - surprise! baby born via RCS on 11.13.16 @ 38 weeks
Re: Board etiquette question
All of this for me too!
BFP on Mar. 4, 2013, DX with MMC (blighted ovum) at 8 weeks, D&C
TTC again as of May 2013
BFP on June 24, 2013, EED March 12, 2014
Diagnosed with endometriosis, PCOS, heterozygous MTHFR and positive for ANA
GROW BABY, GROW!
bfp 1 - m/c 1.31.11 @ 10 weeks
bfp 2 - baby born via c-section on 5.4.12 @ 37 weeks
bfp 3 - blighted ovum/d&c on 4.13.13 @ 8 weeks
bfp 4 - 3rd IUI, very late BFN with super low P, c/p
bfp 5 - natural bfp while on lupron, baby born via RCS on 4.27.15 @ 39 weeks
bfp 6 - surprise! baby born via RCS on 11.13.16 @ 38 weeks
all of this.
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!
Everyone else covered your questions. I just want to add that I love the scrolling grammar gif, ie, I just watched it all the way thru !
TTC since October 2012
BFP#1 1/11/13, EDD 9/19/13, M/C at 9wk6dy
BFP#2 11/12/13, DS born 7/28/14!
Chart
Everyone is welcome
Big thumbs up to all of this, especially the part about the baby and toddler pics. Those should not be in regulars' siggys here, they're hard to see for many.
Married August 2012. Me: 41 DH: 42
Daughter from previous marriage: 20
BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014
TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014
TTCAL BLOG
All ALers welcome!
These women are wise and I love them all!
Welcome to the board, Melissa. I'm very sorry for your loss. And thank you for asking about the TTCAL blog...it's wonderful stuff. HUGS
***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.
We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***
I agree with all this
BFP with #1 (twins!) 11/18/2011 - missed m/c at 8weeks3days; d&c 1/19/2012; myomectomy to remove 18cm+,10cm & 5cm fibroids 4/2012; TTC again 7/2012; BFP #2 (twins) 11/13/2012; missed m/c at 7weeks;
BFP #3: baby girl born 3/5/2014
Balaustine: an anthology about wanting family
Thank you for asking! I really appreciate you being considerate. I don't even notice tickers unless I'm looking at them on purpose. The pictures are what get most people. They are hard not to see and can really be a bummer if there is a newborn LO. That's my stance on the issue.
THE DARK SIDE IT IS
and GBCB
BFP 8/2/12 EDD 4/9/13 Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia
BFP 9/15/14 EDD 5/28/15 Please be our R A I N B O W take home baby BOY
~All AL always welcome~
*sig*
I'm sorry if I've been a problem for people. I asked when I joined and was told to just put a warning every time I posted/replied. I've been doing that but still have been feeling weird about posting. I have considered taking down her picture, but doing that makes me feel too terrible. She lost a lot in this miscarriage too, especially with regards to my time and attention as I go through it. I just don't feel right removing her from another part of my life.
I'm sure I'm just overly consious of what she's lost lately, but it's how I feel. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful to anyone here, so maybe I should just move to the regular TTC board. I have really appreciated the community here, even if only for the past couple of weeks!
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
ETA: Just took a peek at your sig to see what the photo in question was. She's adorable. If your loss is recent, our LOs were about the same age when our losses happened. I get that it does take a lot away from them as we go through this emotionally [and physically, at first]. Give me a shout on PAL or a PM me if you'd like to chat about that.
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
I guess it's not that she needs to be in my siggy, so much as taking her out is too hard for me. If that makes sense. I completely recognize that it's ridiculous and not necessary for her, but (likely because of my extremely emotional, going through a miscarriage self) for me the act of removing her just feels so wrong. The reason to move would be only because obviously other people are going through as much emotional stuff as I am, and knowing how hard this all is for me, I don't have any desire to make it harder for anyone else. Maybe in a month or two removing her won't be a big deal to me, but for now it is.
Anyway, I didn't intend this post to be all about me. I just wanted to apologize, because I had been wondering if this was frustrating to people here, and it turns out it is.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
This is why I removed the pic of my DS - so, I don't post a ticker warning every time but I removed his picture.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
As PP have said, you get to enjoy her everyday. Are there other boards that you frequent that ask to see a pic of DD? I know EXACTLY how you feel as I've had two m/c prior to DD and two after so she is my absolute pride and joy but I just didn't feel it was necessary to have a siggy pic of her for this board. I have a FB account where my closest friends and family enjoy her pictures all the time. In a community of internet "strangers" who are sad because they don't have any children I don't think it's necessary.
ETA: the women here are amazing and I think you'll learn that after being here for awhile. I totally get where you're coming from and if you ever want to talk about being a mom after a loss, feel free to PM me anytime!!
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
Sig
Thanks everyone. Again, it's nothing to do with the women on this board, who I know are amaxing. Just a hard step for me. I am on her birth board. I will change to a family pic. And either way I would definitely still lurk here, because I am finding being on this board to be super helpful. For now I'll try the change and keep doing what I'm doing. But please don't hesitate to tell me if it's too much.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
I agree with this. I have no qualms with your new pic I hope you stick around TB!
ETA: I have no qualms, but I should also add that it is a very cute pic!
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!
This! Thanks!
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
I understand where you are coming from.
I have thought about removing my picture too. However, I was sad to remove my pregnancy ticker, sad to add a third loss to my siggy, and for whatever reason, deleting a photo that has been in my siggy for 6+ months now just seems like another "loss" in a strange way.
If my children were babies then I might be quicker to remove them. They are a huge part of what makes me who I am and to hide them (I don't have age tickers, they just don't appeal to me as much) just seems disingenuous. I also post on several boards where it is the norm to have a photo of your kid(s).
I feel badly that it might "grate on nerves" to have a photo of toddlers. I do. I am one of those people that usually tries to please the masses. However, TTCAL is not reserved for first time moms. I did lose my very first pregnancy, but then I lost a twin from my second and then my fourth. Losses effect all of us. I think that it could be argued that it is a bit insensitive to make those of us with living children feel like we have to essentially hide them away.
For me, I have been very sensitive lately to the commentary about how I should "just be thankful for what I have". Not on this board, but by lots of friends and family. Being made to feel like my kids are "hurtful" is just a reinvention of those feelings.
So it goes both ways. I know I will be in the minority, my flame suit is zipped up, but I do think that it is an interesting conversation.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
Okay, first of all, you don't need to lash out. If I am to be sensitive to your personal needs I don't think it is unfair for you to consider the sensitivities of other people on this board.
I post on the bump for many different reasons. Both my son's BMB, parenting boards, and TTC boards. So that is where the idea of what is acceptable from one section of TB to another comes up. My children are a major part of why I am on TB. My desire for another child and to be around women who understand IF and TTCAL is also a major reason I am on TB.
I have had my current picture in my sig for as long as I can remember. I love it. Right now, taking it down isn't something I am comfortable doing. I am pretty positive that absolutely nobody has pictures in their signatures to be hurtful in any way. I am also completely fine giving a warning for the picture. What I am not fine with is feeling shame for the photograph.
I also want to say that this thread is a little confusing. There are women who say they are fine with any photo/ticker, women who are fine with older toddlers/children (which my kids are), women who are fine with family photos, etc. It seems like people's comfort levels are all different. I would just like to point out that women TTCAL who are also parenting after a loss might be a little sensitive about removing their pictures of their kids. I know that might not be what you want to hear, or something that you relate to, but those feelings are valid too.
I honestly just wish there was a way to totally disable siggies for certain posts (like check a box, it disappears). That way you could have tickers/pictures on some boards where it is appropriate, and get rid of it for others.
Thanks for your input, I'll have to think about what I want to do.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
A little piece of my soul just died there.
I agree with snedge and MrsDeo... There are group norms in play within any community, online or otherwise. Since you post on multiple forums on The Bump, I think a good rule of thumb (if you want to be accepted by everyone) is to cater your sig to the most senstive crowd.
I know that you love your sig photo, but you also have said that you feel bad/conflicted about it. I think this is less about board etiquette, and more about you being in a sensitive place. We have all been there. From the birthdays, it seems that your kids must be bigger now... could you update to a more recent picture?
Personally, it's not about the pictures for me, it's about people not respecting the norms and etiquette called out in the newbie blog. The special snowflake mentality doesn't go over that well anywhere on TB, and I don't think it's fair to come here and try to rationalize a change that might hurt some of the lovely ladies here who relentlessly offer support and love to others. Just my humble 2 cents.
2013: BFP #1 - M/C 3/13
2015: Dance break = got healthy
7/2016: IVF #5 = BFP!!!
Segde I PPH you!
BFP#1 9/9/12 -- EDD 5/14/13 -- MMC 10/10/12 Miso 10/19/12
BFP #2 9/17/13 -- EDD 5/25/14-- CP confirmed 9/21/13
BFP #3 2/1/14 -- EDD 10/5/14 -- NMC 2/10/14
Dx: low progesterone & mild hypothyroidism
My Chart
~*~All AL Welcome~*~
totes
Thumbs up.
Work got busy so i was unable to come back and respond until now. I agree with all the bolded above. Why would you leave something in your sig that could hurt someone? If someone said something to me about this topic I would conform to the norm of the board.
I find the idea that taking the picture out and it being hurtful to you or your children odd. I don't get it. If taking it down "makes you feel terrible" then I think there are much deeper things going on. It's a fun silly thing. Not a momentous event. Yes we sometimes have personal pictures in our signature but TTCAL is a whole different ball game. Sigs are decoration and a way to more easily identify a poster. Really, I'm frustrated because people have reached out to you and said it bothers them. Yet you say well they are my kids and I'm keeping it. This is our board and our place away from the constant bombardment of pictures of other people's LO's. No one lashed out whatsoever. This is a reasonable calm discussion.
THE DARK SIDE IT IS
and GBCB
BFP 8/2/12 EDD 4/9/13 Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia
BFP 9/15/14 EDD 5/28/15 Please be our R A I N B O W take home baby BOY
~All AL always welcome~
I had a picture of my toddler son in my siggy long ago. But when I realized how much it was hurting the majority of the posters on the board I removed it. I couldn't stand to think that I was unintentionally hurting the very people I wanted to develop relationships with. The very people I wanted to support, not hurt, and those from whom I was hoping to receive support. It just seemed like a no brainer to me once I understood how hurtful it really was.
Now that I have been on a pretty long journey here, I have an even fuller appreciation for this aspect of the board. In part because I know I now feel this small amount of sadness and envy [okay some days a little more than small] every time I'm with most families. And knowing that most people probably think we don't have another child because we didn't want another child. I'm going a little off topic.
But the point is, that being here as long as I have been I have an even greater appreciation for why the culture of the board is to exclude pictures of babies from siggys all together and why it is hurtful to many even to see toddlers in siggy pics. And It's pretty simple for me. The importance of not hurting the women I care about is weighted much more heavily to me than the importance it was for me to have a picture of my son in my siggy. I proudly have him mentioned in text in my siggy and really that's all I need for anyone on here [or Internet land] to know.
Any other logic or rationalization for having the pics in signatures I just really struggle to understand.
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
DS mentioned...
I agree with this... I have an adorable 2 year old, who I'm trying to make into a big brother, but I'd feel weird about posting his picture on this board. I also just found the parenting after a loss board, which (i'm an idiot) I didn't know existed. It's a great place to mention your toddler, ask questions, etc. I try to keep him OUT of my posts on here out of respect to other women. I know that "a loss is a loss", but I have a friend who's going through a loss right now, too, and from experience I know that losing your first and losing your second are different experiences. I wouldn't want to magnify anyone's pain.
TTCAL Siggy Challenge: "He's my favorite. His birthday is the same as mine almost"
Missing my little one lost at 9 weeks on 2.24.13. brokenhearted but not broken...
d&c 5/21/13... Still Healing, Still Standing...
MMC discovered 10/2/2013, TWINS... d&c 10/7/2013. I still miss you, little ones.
Surgery December 2013 to remove a 10+cm fibroid... Open myomectomy. Benched for 3-9 months...
Will TTC summer Summer 2014 we hope!
Dear God, Since I couldn't hold my little one in my lap and tell him about you, could you hold him in your lap and tell him about me?
PgAL and PAL always welcome...I really like what anita said here as well as many PP. I have developed such a strong respect and bond for he women in this amazing community even in the short short time I have been here. I love them and if I knew something that I was doing was hurting them I would stop.
That being said, I dot have any children yet and I am one if he sensitive ones in this case that has a hard time with the pictures. I hate being that person but i am. Over time it will get better and certainy when I have my own children, but for now it is just a constant painful reminder of the family that we haven't been able to build on this earth. I do not think it means that these mothers who don't include pictures love their children any less. But it does make me feel protected and safe that they are thoughtful in this way.
Just my 2 cents FWIW.
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!