Frustrated with my hubby...
MRSVELA07
member
As much as I didn't want to I returned to work on May 28. The first week went good but as the weeks go on my separation anxiety has gotten worse. Not to mention last week Chris wasn't breastfeeding and that added to the already uneasy week. Hubby and I had a talk last night and I'm so hurt! My weight bothers him and he feels that I'm not making any strides to working out and he feels that I should be cooking more when I get home because that's what he did for me while I was on leave. Prior to getting pregnant I was 212lbs, I'm 6'0 tall. I ended up gaining 16 pounds when Chris was delivered at 39 weeks 2 days. When I weighed myself last Thursday I was 210lbs. I think I've done a damn good job with keeping off my baby weight and I feel that everyone recognizes it BUT my husband. Chris was 7lbs 10 ounces so I didn't really gain much if any weight but sheesh...give me a flippin' break! Then he complains that I'm not cooking...Um can I adjust to being a working mom! I haven't been back to work for a month and he's already giving me $hit!!
Those two things have caused him to me more distant and had I not brought up the conversation they would have continued to create a bigger wedge between us. I'm upset because I don't want my son growing up in a household like this. Hubby has never been a good communicator but things were progressing prior to me getting pregnant. No he's gone back into this little hole and keeps his mouth shut when he needs to speak up. I feel I make it easy for him to talk to me. I always ask him if how are things or if he needs to talk about something and I'm genuine. I found a couples therapist because I think we're better off getting help now than later but have any of your marriages change after baby?
Re: Frustrated with my hubby...
Yeah, if DH gave me crap about my weight....don't even get me started. That said, we also are pretty active people -- we take turns watching the girls to get out for runs on the weekend, squeeze in workouts during the week -- either early in the AM (or I'm able to get to our work gym over lunch for spin class a couple of times a week).
As for cooking, neither of us are doing a lot of that these days. We stock up on semi-healthy frozen meals from Sams for the most part and throw those in when we get home at the end of the day. I get 2 hours a day with my girls at the end of the day. You can better believe I'm not going to be spending that time cooking. There will be time for cooking -- but not today, not now. My time is going to be spent with my girls.
A therapist might be helpful. Raising a LO MUST be a team effort. The communication lines have got to be open. GL!
Honestly, your H sounds like an ahole. I really have no frame of reference for dealing with this.
Is this new behavior? If it is, maybe there is something about baby's arrival that's carrying over to make him act unreasonably. If not, I think he's probably just an ahole.
Either way, I think it sounds like you guys could benefit from a third party helping you to be better communicators. Things definitely won't get any better or easier if this is how it's going now. I think you're right to be proactive about it.
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I definitely agree with you! He's an ahole...at times. He always goes back to how active I was when we first met and I remained active until I found out I was pregnant. I was taking an African dance class and enjoyed it! I've been dancing for years and I've found that for long term fitness that's how I stay on track...dancing not going to the gym. Right now my main priority is spending time with my baby! I'm already missing moments while I'm at work and cooking and working out is not on my top list of priorities right now. Not to mention I don't want to mess up my supply. So to answer your question it's not new behavior but I was hoping he would try to understand my perspective.
If DH said anything about my weight I would kill him (just kidding). He needs to recognize what your body has been through over the past year or so and get over it. It is difficult to fit in work out time. I finally just had to tell my H that I was going to work out every Tuesday and Thursday right after work for 2 hours. So those days I try and put something in the crock pot (because we all know its a PIA to try and cook a meal without your spouse and taking care of LO) that doesn't always work which is why we always have pizza's from Aldi available too and other quick freezer meals...or left overs.
Generally I do more cleaning of the inside of the house and DH does more work outside (mows/trims yard, takes trash/recycling out, keeps garage clean, etc.) but DH also does laundry, dishwasher duty and picks up after himself. So I'm not complaining.
Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and have a talk of expectations and let him know you are concerned about your relationship and you need to discuss it.
DS has been in d/c since he was 6 weeks old and honestly I'm just getting into a routine of being a working Mom (we have had some hellish moments!). It takes a while to adjust, it takes time to learn to prepare...you both need to recognize that.
(((hugs)))) I hope you both can communicate better and figure it out. Remember you are a team....and only by being a team will it work.
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
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**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
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BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12
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