***Sorry if this is triggering***
I am always surprised and disheartened by the sheer number of women who say they have been sexually abused on TB and other forums. I think it's far more widespread than anyone wants to admit, and the reason it may not seem that way statistically is because it often goes unreported. I know it has in my case.
Here's a heavy question: Do any of the sexual abuse survivors here find your past experiences and traumas affecting the way you raise your LO? I know some mothers can't breastfeed because of it, but I'm wondering if your approach to other aspects of parenting is shaped by past trauma and abuse.
Re: S/O Sexual abuse
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
I was molested by my grandfather as a child. Unfortunately it does affect me a little bit. In the sense that I am aware when I am washing or changing my son that there are sick people out there who view babies and children in a sexual way. He is so perfectly innocent right now. I just hope I can protect him better than my parents did for me.
I like cookies.
Unfortunately it's never far from conscious thought, but it definitely brings out the mama bear in me. I'm not going to be quiet about things like that as my daughter gets older because I want her to know that it's not ok, and if something was too happen, she can't keep it bottled up because she's embarrassed. My mom never talked to me about stuff like that and I honestly thought it was "normal". If you're going to work with men, then you have to expect it to a certain level and if you have a problem with it, then find a new job.
In a way, having a child has been healing for me. I can provide for her the normal childhood I never got to have. And I'm not talking about just sexual abuse I've suffered but also the other physical abuse and mental and emotional. She has two loving, normal (though the family I came from is anything but) parents who honestly care about her and are capable of teaching and protecting her.
Both of my parents wanted to protect me from the outside world but couldn't even protect themselves and I ended up needing to protect myself from them!
I've had a lot of time to grow up and to heal before becoming a parent and when I found out I was pregnant I made it my mission to center myself before DD was born. I feel like a new person so my experiences (unreported) have definitely affected my pregnancy and even my birthing experience. Only time will tell how the abuse I suffered affects the way I parent, but I know that I want DD to feel empowered
It took me a long time to feel empowered and even now I sometimes have to remind myself that feeling victimized is not how I am supposed to feel.
However I need to parent in order to cultivate confidence, strength, bravery and intelligence as well as honesty and humility in my daughter that's what I'll do.
Ug. After writing all that I want to go back to therapy right away! I guess
I feel like it affects my parenting by driving me to heal myself and be a better person. The best way to lead and teach is by example after all.
See, this is me exactly. Vervo said something similar, and I can totally relate. I don't trust ANYONE. I have more anxiety about daycare than I can even begin to describe...
https://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/
Quote from article: "There isn't a child molester on Earth who's going to talk to your daughter about her vagina. Really. But if she suddenly starts calling it a cupcake, you can ask her who taught her that."