My BFF and her husband are having serious troubles. Like, on the verge of the big D troubles. He's cheating...plain and simple. And I think she would leave outright, but she's been dealing with infertility for years. Went through 2 unsuccessful IVF's and was about to try again before this came up. I think she wants to stay with him just so she can have a baby (which isn't guarenteed b/c they've been having a lot of trouble with that unfortunately) Plus they are both mid to late 30's so age isn't on their side.
It got me thinking...would you stay with DH if he was cheating just for another chace to have the baby you so desperately want? Or would you be out of there in a New York minute?
Re: Would you stay or would you go?
Agree
This. Even if it was just sex, I wouldn't be able to trust him again, and I would not purposefully have a baby with a man I couldn't trust. Cheating is a huge deal breaker for me though, and I'd be out as soon as I could pack our things.
That being said, I haven't struggled with fertility issues, and I can understand that it could make a difference for those who had.
This. There is no way I would want my kids to be raised in an unhappy household and I know there is no way that I would ever be able to forgive and move on from an affair. If she does stay strongly suggest counseling so hopefully they can sort out the mess before the baby arrives.
If I wanted a baby I could get one without my cheating husband, that is what sperm donors are for and I would have n problem doing that or adopting if possible instead of being in a non trusting relationship. I would rather just raise my kid on my own then my kids grow up thinking lying, cheating, and being disrespected is ok. I would not subject myself to a cheating husband and I would not subject my kids to a sad mom who has no self worth.
Edit to add that I know getting a sperm donor and adopting are expensive options and so they may not be possible for her. Easier said then done type of thing. I feel bad for her having to make this decision. But cheating is an issue with me just because I saw what it can do to a marriage.
My parents were the exact same way. I was actually happy when they got a divorce.
You don't see being lied to and cheated on as disrespectful? Sex is sex, but it's the lying and disrespect that comes along with the just sex that makes it a deal breaker for me. I promise a man who cheats on you does not respect you and your marriage.
Absolutely!!!
I don't know that I would leave but I would definitely stop trying to conceive. I'm not okay with cheating but I would hope through counseling and honest communication things could be worked out. I would never, ever, ever want to put a child in the middle of that though.
Also, I think that if she really wanted to be a mom there are other ways. Adoption, sperm donation, finding someone else...I've never been there but I just can't imagine purposely bringing an innocent life into a toxic relationship.
*I haven't read all of the replies
I wouldn't leave for cheating once (I don't mean just sex once, I mean a relationship once). I wouldn't stay just for the sake of having a baby though, you stay if you love one another and WANT TO WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE. Once the marriage is fixed, THEN you go back to trying for a baby.
GSx1 - 05/13/2013
GSx2 for T&B - EDD 6/21/2015 - They're having a GIRL!
Agree, I'd leave and if I really wanted a baby at that point I would consider adoption or IVF with an anonymus donor
It's hard to say what I would do not being the one in this situation, but I *think* I would be willing to take a step back, evaluate things, and possibly try to save the marriage. I would hope I would have enough sense in my head not to bring a baby into the equation without at least working on things first. I think it's obvious that's a recipe for disaster. Babies add stress. That doesn't exactly help things with an already struggling marriage. And it's obviously not fair to the baby.
I can see why it would be hard though. Throwing IF, age, etc. into the mix when it's hard enough to walk away from a marriage. I'm sure it's tough to know how to proceed.
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This. And I would have to be OK with this guy being the father of my kid and being in their life.
This. I cannot imagine the relationship I would have after finding that out. I'm sure it wouldn't be healthy for raising a baby though.