PLEASE just respect my wishes
Let me just start this by saying that my relationship with my mother is like a roller coaster. My entire life she favored my older sister ( I was def favored by my dad) since my husband and I are the only ones with children my mother can't get enough of us. With our 1st child we didn't want anyone in the delivery room with us, however, my mother lived so close to the hospital tat she made it there pretty quickly and ended up being in the room while DD was on her way out.
Now fast forward 3 1/2 years and I am very ready to deliver grandchild number 2. DH and I have made it clear to everyone involved on our wishes. My MIL is going to stay with DD while DS is being born. We don't want anyone besides necessary medical personnel in the room while delivering ( had a med student last time and hated the play by play I got). Our hospital also gives you about an hour in L&D with baby before taking them away for testing and we would like tat time just the three of us.
My mother is having a seriously hard time with this and making thing incredibly stressful for me. She tells me that I am not doing this right and how can I deny them the chance to see him. REALLY?! I'n not asking you to wait until his 1st birthday to see him...I'm looking for an hour of privacy. None of the other grandparents are having an issue with this.
Are any of you dealing with or dealt with a similar situation. I don't understand why she just can't let me have tis one thing my way...I am the one birthing this baby and think my wishes should be honored without so much push back!
sorry for the long vent...thanks for listening.
Re: PLEASE just respect my wishes
they are divorced and she would not take it well coming from him. She doesn't have any family close besides me and my sister and there really isn't anyone who could talk to her for me ( my sister would def make it worse)
Just don't tell her you're in labor then.
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This! You don't need any added stress during that time. She might not be happy afterwards, but at least you'll have time with the baby, just you and YH.
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DH is already planning on this!
Thank you ladies!!!
I totally understand and sympathize - I'm going through something similar with my mom. Both my mom and MIL are somewhat attention-whorey, each in her own way. We told both sets of grandparents that we're not calling anyone until after the baby is born - we want time to bond with the baby and it'll take them at least an hour to get to the hospital, so it gives us at least an hour alone with the baby. ILs are surprisingly ok with this.
My parents work about 30 min from the hospital. My mom wants us to call as soon as we get to the hospital, so she and my dad can go out to dinner or hang out at the mall instead of driving all the way home (cause my giving birth is a huge inconvenience for their commute). I told her no - we could be at the hospital for hours before I deliver, and we won't be calling them every hour with updates. She thinks I'm being selfish and withholding; I think she's being a whiny biitch.
It came to a head a couple days ago and DH ended up emailing my mom basically telling her to back off. I haven't heard from her since. It's really disappointing that she can't see this from my perspective - we have so little control over the whole situation, this is our one way to gain a little control and she just doesn't see that.
This.
Def this. My mom wanted to be in the delivery room the first time around but I stood my ground and I'm glad I did. The nurses are great at fending off crazy relatives for the most part. You need to so what you feel is right for you even if someone else doesn't like it. Taking a stand the first time made it easier with my mom this time around too.
Don't tell her when you go into labor and let L&D nurses not allow anyone in the room...stay strong and stand your ground!
I can't believe how many times I've had to say no and yet you continue to ask. I would never do this to you. I want to concentrate and focus and be with just DH. I don't want anyone else there. Period. Please don't ask me again or else I won't tell you I'm in labor.
She didn't ask again.
My MIL has always been very pushy, and very insistent on getting her own way in everything. Especially when it comes to her grandchildren. DH and I have already had to put our foot down on a few issues with her, but we decided early on that labor and delivery was not something that we were dealing with her in. We aren't calling anyone until after LO is born and we've had our bonding time/gotten settled in and rested a bit. Visitors won't be allowed until the next day. She has been spending months trying to get every scrap of information possible about this because it's the first grandchild born locally in 12+yrs and wants to be there. We just tell her my medical info is none of her business (yes, she tries to ask VERY personal questions about everything involving this pregnancy) and that we don't know when anything is happening, and she will get a call at some point. We're leaving it at that specifically to avoid all the drama. She's been so pushy that DH actually threatened to hold off telling her for a year (semi-jokingly, of course, since we could never get away with it, but was still making it clear she's pushing her boundaries too much). And if she somehow finds out and shows up early? She's on the no-admit list, and will be stuck in the waiting room for a day or more, because we aren't letting her in. This is our time, and our choice, and what we want is more important than what she demands.
You need to just stick to your guns, because I promise you this will not be the last time you will butt heads with her over your children.