DH - Vent

gtognietti · June 2013

I don't know if it's just my DH or what, but he is NOT a good partner. He's a great dad, but not a good PARTNER! I feel like I might as well be a single parent. Now I know that's not true, and I love my husband. It's probably just the lack of sleep but i'm so mad right now I could leave and not look back.

Since DS was born (20 months ago) I think I've slept past 8am maybe once. Not only do I take care of DS but I go to school and I work full time. DH quit his job a year ago to stay home with DS because MIL couldn't handle watching him and DH didn't want me to have to quit school. However, DH also REALLY hated his job and just used staying home with DS a reason to quit.

So he stays home and I work. Great, I really appreciate that he will do that so our son can be home with one of his parents. However, DH doesn't clean while he's home. Maybe like once a week he'll pick up the toys and do the dishes. Other then that, I come home from work, get dinner started, relax for about 30 minutes then get DS ready for his bath and bed. Once he's in bed I workout, then do homework and i'm in bed at between 10-11. I get up at 6:30 and do it again. And on my weekends, I get up with DS and do the housekeeping and erronds that DH neglected to do during the week. Usually while DH is enjoying his weekend off, out with his friends.

Now that DD is here, for some reason I expected DH to step it up a little. While I'm on disability he is doing some landscaping for extra money. However, for the last 4 days, he's been home due to an injury he has (this injury consists of a cut on his hand). I would have thought that since I asked him EACH of the four days if he could please get up with DS in the morning so I could sleep for a couple extra hours since DD doesn't nap at the same time DS does that one of the 4 days he would actually do it. Nope, he's slept in until 12 (noon) each day. Everytime I ask him why he's so tired he states because his body is exhausted from all the work he's been doing.

I just want to scream. How can someone so caring and loving be so DAMN selfhish! We've been together for six years and he takes pride in knowing me very well, yet somehow he can't see that i'm upset by this. Last night we were up late watching movies, and I told him I would only stay up late if he took over morning shift (which consists of getting up with DS making him breakfast and then keeping him entertained). He agreed so I stayed up until almost 2, got up at 3:30 and 6:30 to feed DD and guess whos STILL in bed at 8:15.

Sorry. I feel like I can't talk to him about this because he goes straight to the I'm sorry I'm a failure as a father route, and right now I just really can't handle his pitty party since i'm too busy throwing one for myself.

Thanks for reading

Gabbabridge · June 2013

That is a lot to deal with! I'm new to motherhood but I do know that it would be INFINITELY harder if my DH didn't take on so much with DS. I'm sorry you have so much on your plate; you aren't making unreasonable requests by any means. It does seem like you'll need to try to talk with DH about this.

BeesMomma00 · June 2013

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Could your husband be depressed? Sleeping until noon is a red flag for me. The only time that is acceptable is if bed time is 4AM.

Perhaps he is feeling like a failure because his life isn't what he expected? SAHD? Not being the bread winner? I don't know him but just throwing things out there.

I wouldn't fault him so much until you sat down with him and ask him what's up. Don't start with what he's not doing or doing. Start with his feelings and listen.

Best of luck to you.

TheyCalledHerKate · June 2013

Have you considered counseling? I'm sorry but if he is at home all day watching your child then he needs to be doing the household chores so you don't have to when you get home.

snowgirl427 · June 2013

TheyCalledHerKate:
Have you considered counseling? I'm sorry but if he is at home all day watching your child then he needs to be doing the household chores so you don't have to when you get home.

i agree with this. DH an I both work ft but he is done earlier than I am. Most nights he cooks without my asking. Now that we have DS he gets up at night to change him before I feed him... We are no on sharing responsibility. If I was a sahm then all household chores including cooking would be mine. That would be my job

snowgirl427 · June 2013

TheyCalledHerKate:
Have you considered counseling? I'm sorry but if he is at home all day watching your child then he needs to be doing the household chores so you don't have to when you get home.

i agree with this. DH an I both work ft but he is done earlier than I am. Most nights he cooks without my asking. Now that we have DS he gets up at night to change him before I feed him... We are no on sharing responsibility. If I was a sahm then all household chores including cooking would be mine. That would be my job

megpeg · June 2013

Have you really sat down and talked to him about it? I think sometimes that my feelings are clear on things and DH should get it but until I really sit down and talk about it he does not get it.

When I had DS DH was addicted to a computer game. He would play it until really late, not pay attention to DS and I , go to school, and sleep. Until I told him I was leaving and moving 8 hours away back to where our families were he did not get it. It took him 6 months to really really get per the addiction completely but he did.

With dd he is completely different and he said to me the other day that he is sad that he missed out on DS growing up and now realizes how much he missed out on. DS has just started relying on him to do stuff for him because he only had me for so long.

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