Working Moms

Judgement Thursday

Prompted by two horrific threads in BOTB....

I judge the crap out of anyone who suggests that women not be completely honest with their partner about their birth control.  Any time someone suggests that a woman just stop using the pill or that she stops being "careful", especially when her partner has said that he isn't ready for kids, I want to shake them.  To me, not being honest about birth control, sex, and kids is such a fundamental violation of trust that it's a terrible idea.  I get impatience to have kids, but it's such a life-changing decision that both people need to be on board 100%, and trying to trick your partner is a terrible thing to do.

And I also judge women who get bent out of shape about their babies being the "first" grandchild.  Pregnancy is not a zero sum game, and sane and reasonable grandparents will love your child whether it's the first, second, or fifth kid.  (Yes, I know some grandparents play obvious favorites, as some parents do, but I'm operating under the assumption that most grandparents love all the babies.) 

Re: Judgement Thursday

  • imagePrivacyWanted:
    Our Disney trip prompted a lot of judging. But by far the worst judgments went to the couple screaming and cursing at a little girl who was maybe 6. I get that we all lose our temper sometimes, but go give yourself a time out before screaming "stop being a whiney B!CH " to your kid. The cursing takes it to a whole new level for me. And I'm sure we got judged when DD changed into her spare shirt, I didn't realize it was a crop top when I bought it, hadn't tried it on her, threw it in the diaper bag just in case, and so help me if she didn't love it. I could feel the eyes judging as DD went around proudly baring her belly with the snazzy leggings she'd had on before. So help me, if it would have gotten her out of the top I'd have bought a 65 dress up princess dress, but even looking like Rapunzel didn't entice her enough

    Yes, to Disney judging! Good lord. I don't know why people push their kids so much at Disney-"You will have fun, dammit!" Let them do what they want and go at their own pace, geez.

     Plus, all the adults trying to push ahead of you in line and stuff. It's disgusting. I mean, grow up.

    We still love Disney, though, haha.




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                                         DS is 1DAF

    "I realize I say the word fuck a lot, and I'd like to apologize but I don't give a shit." -Lewis Black
  • Netty_3Netty_3 member

    I judge people that forever hold grudges over stupid things...my MIL is the queen of this and it makes me crazy. Right now she's not talking to DH because he had the audacity to call her out on some pretty ridiculous behavior, and then when she went to his brother, he backed DH up.  It's been a month now. I know it really bothers DH. I just wish she'd either realize and apologize...or heck just stop pouting and put her big girl pants on and get over it.

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  • Netty_3Netty_3 member

    imagePrivacyWanted:
    Our Disney trip prompted a lot of judging. But by far the worst judgments went to the couple screaming and cursing at a little girl who was maybe 6. I get that we all lose our temper sometimes, but go give yourself a time out before screaming "stop being a whiney B!CH " to your kid. The cursing takes it to a whole new level for me. And I'm sure we got judged when DD changed into her spare shirt, I didn't realize it was a crop top when I bought it, hadn't tried it on her, threw it in the diaper bag just in case, and so help me if she didn't love it. I could feel the eyes judging as DD went around proudly baring her belly with the snazzy leggings she'd had on before. So help me, if it would have gotten her out of the top I'd have bought a 65 dress up princess dress, but even looking like Rapunzel didn't entice her enough

    Going next week..apparently we're in for an eye/earful!

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  • FemShepFemShep member

    imagePrivacyWanted:
    Our Disney trip prompted a lot of judging.

     Oh goodness yes.  I judge the people who let their kids do anything (like the 12-yo who was taller than I was who nearly ran DD over in the little kid play area).  I judge people of all ages who push and try to cut in line.  

    On a more frivolous note, I judge the people who stand in a 20-minute line to order food, get to the front of the line, and DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.  What exactly were they thinking about for the prior 20 minutes anyway? 

  • This isn't so much a judge as a...sad observation, I guess. But this girl I went to college with has been dating this absolute tool since college. He's never been nice to her. Now, they're married. Anyway, she has a blog and posts the posts on Facebook and her latest one is about married life. In it, she says her husband still forgets and introduces her as his girlfriend. They've been married 8 months. Why would she think this is normal and/or sweet? I certainly wouldn't share that fact with anyone.




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                                         DS is 1DAF

    "I realize I say the word fuck a lot, and I'd like to apologize but I don't give a shit." -Lewis Black
  • imagekbruington:
    imageNetty_3:

    I judge people that forever hold grudges over stupid things...my MIL is the queen of this and it makes me crazy. Right now she's not talking to DH because he had the audacity to call her out on some pretty ridiculous behavior, and then when she went to his brother, he backed DH up.  It's been a month now. I know it really bothers DH. I just wish she'd either realize and apologize...or heck just stop pouting and put her big girl pants on and get over it.

    Ditto. My brother and his wife are complete pieces of crap and haven't spoken to my mom since Christmas because of grudges. I will never understand how someone can just dump their entire family and be happy with only their spouse. Sure, there are some terrible things that families go through but I couldn't imagine never talking to my mom again. I'd be crushed if DS never wanted to talk to me again :(

    This is something you definitely cannot understand until your family has pushed you to that point.  It has been more than 5 years now that I haven't talked to my dad, his choice.  And I'm at the point where I amy pretty much done with a good majority of my family.

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  • imagePrivacyWanted:
    imageFemShep:
    On a more frivolous note, I judge the people who stand in a 20minute line to order food, get to the front of the line, and DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. nbsp;What exactly were they thinking about for the prior 20 minutes anyway?nbsp;
    And then they'll call their friend "hey dude did you want something... um let me see" and proceed to read the entire menu

    On a related note, and not really so much a judgement as an annoyance, but I hate when people don't reserve their Redbox movies online and instead stand at the machine going through screen after screen of movies while either yelling to the person in the car idling nearby or talking to someone on their cell phone about which movie do they want to watch.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

  • imageitsmevkb:
    On a related note, and not really so much a judgement as an annoyance, but I hate when people don't reserve their Redbox movies online and instead stand at the machine going through screen after screen of movies while either yelling to the person in the car idling nearby or talking to someone on their cell phone about which movie do they want to watch.
    Haha that is totally my husband. I don't think it's a problem as long as you are polite and let other people go ahead of you.
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  • I don't ever plan to take my kids to Disney.
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  • I judge people that pay with a check when buying groceries. 

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  • imageitsmevkb:

    imagePrivacyWanted:
    imageFemShep:
    On a more frivolous note, I judge the people who stand in a 20minute line to order food, get to the front of the line, and DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. nbsp;What exactly were they thinking about for the prior 20 minutes anyway?nbsp;
    And then they'll call their friend "hey dude did you want something... um let me see" and proceed to read the entire menu

    On a related note, and not really so much a judgement as an annoyance, but I hate when people don't reserve their Redbox movies online and instead stand at the machine going through screen after screen of movies while either yelling to the person in the car idling nearby or talking to someone on their cell phone about which movie do they want to watch.

    I didn't know you could reserve them! We always decide before we go, though.




    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
                                         DS is 1DAF

    "I realize I say the word fuck a lot, and I'd like to apologize but I don't give a shit." -Lewis Black
  • I automatically judge when I watch someone buy a cart full of crap food with a food stamp card, then whip out a big wod of cash to pay for their booze and cigarettes.  I have zero problem with someone receiving assistance who uses it wisely, buys something other than pop, hot dogs, chips and frozen pizzas, and who truely needs it.  But when I watch them pull out a large sum of money and get into a brand new vehicle all the while receiving assistance, I get a little irritated. Flame away....
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  • imageLittle Jerry:
    imageitsmevkb:

    imagePrivacyWanted:
    imageFemShep:
    On a more frivolous note, I judge the people who stand in a 20minute line to order food, get to the front of the line, and DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. nbsp;What exactly were they thinking about for the prior 20 minutes anyway?nbsp;
    And then they'll call their friend "hey dude did you want something... um let me see" and proceed to read the entire menu

    On a related note, and not really so much a judgement as an annoyance, but I hate when people don't reserve their Redbox movies online and instead stand at the machine going through screen after screen of movies while either yelling to the person in the car idling nearby or talking to someone on their cell phone about which movie do they want to watch.

    I didn't know you could reserve them! We always decide before we go, though.

    Then I have done my good deed for the day ;-) They have a Redbox app so you can even do it right on your phone if you use a smart phone. 

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

  • imagePrivacyWanted:
    Our Disney trip prompted a lot of judging. But by far the worst judgments went to the couple screaming and cursing at a little girl who was maybe 6. I get that we all lose our temper sometimes, but go give yourself a time out before screaming "stop being a whiney B!CH " to your kid. The cursing takes it to a whole new level for me. And I'm sure we got judged when DD changed into her spare shirt, I didn't realize it was a crop top when I bought it, hadn't tried it on her, threw it in the diaper bag just in case, and so help me if she didn't love it. I could feel the eyes judging as DD went around proudly baring her belly with the snazzy leggings she'd had on before. So help me, if it would have gotten her out of the top I'd have bought a 65 dress up princess dress, but even looking like Rapunzel didn't entice her enough

    Lol we go to Disney once a week. We took DD the first time with family and she loved it but it was too crazy and its expensive so I can sort of see the pressure feel to get everything squeezed in in one day. Which is why we bought passes. So we can take her for a few hrs and be chill about it.

    My judge has to do with Disney too. We went last week to their 24hr summer kick off. DD stayed with my sister and Dh and I went at almost midnight with friends. I was shocked that there was kids ON THE TRAM that were DD's age and younger! They all had that shocked/zombie look and I was like what are their parents thinking??!! Then it was 4am and the kids/baby's were still there! Totally crazy to me.

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  • imageFemShep:

    Prompted by two horrific threads in BOTB....

    I judge the crap out of anyone who suggests that women not be completely honest with their partner about their birth control.  Any time someone suggests that a woman just stop using the pill or that she stops being "careful", especially when her partner has said that he isn't ready for kids, I want to shake them.  To me, not being honest about birth control, sex, and kids is such a fundamental violation of trust that it's a terrible idea.  I get impatience to have kids, but it's such a life-changing decision that both people need to be on board 100%, and trying to trick your partner is a terrible thing to do. 

    I have a....friend who has been actively trying to get pregnant since she was 15. No lie. She was on her 2nd marriage by 19 and constantly lying about BC pills and poking holes in condoms. I tried in vain to get her to stop because her husband didnt want kids at all. She didnt care. Divorced him and moved on to the next guy. She did the same thing and finally ended up pregnant and married a 3rd time by 21. Totally crazy.

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  • imageamberdanielle68845:
    I automatically judge when I watch someone buy a cart full of crap food with a food stamp card, then whip out a big wod of cash to pay for their booze and cigarettes.  I have zero problem with someone receiving assistance who uses it wisely, buys something other than pop, hot dogs, chips and frozen pizzas, and who truely needs it.  But when I watch them pull out a large sum of money and get into a brand new vehicle all the while receiving assistance, I get a little irritated. Flame away....

    I have the same auto-judge. And then start wondering if/how I can finagle myself into free milk and eggs, too... ha!

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  • imagePrivacyWanted:
    Our Disney trip prompted a lot of judging. But by far the worst judgments went to the couple screaming and cursing at a little girl who was maybe 6. I get that we all lose our temper sometimes, but go give yourself a time out before screaming "stop being a whiney B!CH " to your kid. The cursing takes it to a whole new level for me. And I'm sure we got judged when DD changed into her spare shirt, I didn't realize it was a crop top when I bought it, hadn't tried it on her, threw it in the diaper bag just in case, and so help me if she didn't love it. I could feel the eyes judging as DD went around proudly baring her belly with the snazzy leggings she'd had on before. So help me, if it would have gotten her out of the top I'd have bought a 65 dress up princess dress, but even looking like Rapunzel didn't entice her enough

    I know this was not your intent, but I am crying, laughing at this!


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  • Netty_3Netty_3 member

    imageamberdanielle68845:
    I automatically judge when I watch someone buy a cart full of crap food with a food stamp card, then whip out a big wod of cash to pay for their booze and cigarettes.  I have zero problem with someone receiving assistance who uses it wisely, buys something other than pop, hot dogs, chips and frozen pizzas, and who truely needs it.  But when I watch them pull out a large sum of money and get into a brand new vehicle all the while receiving assistance, I get a little irritated. Flame away....

    One summer in HS I worked at a grocery store, and it was seriously frustrating to see some people with hair and nails and fresh tan driving a brand new sports car all in name brands use assistance.  Like...how about spend the money you used on your frosted tips to buy some milk!

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  • imageNetty_3:

    imageamberdanielle68845:
    I automatically judge when I watch someone buy a cart full of crap food with a food stamp card, then whip out a big wod of cash to pay for their booze and cigarettes.  I have zero problem with someone receiving assistance who uses it wisely, buys something other than pop, hot dogs, chips and frozen pizzas, and who truely needs it.  But when I watch them pull out a large sum of money and get into a brand new vehicle all the while receiving assistance, I get a little irritated. Flame away....

    One summer in HS I worked at a grocery store, and it was seriously frustrating to see some people with hair and nails and fresh tan driving a brand new sports car all in name brands use assistance.  Like...how about spend the money you used on your frosted tips to buy some milk!

    I really try and tell myself that these people have perhaps just recently fallen upon hard times.  Afterall, if I lost my job tomorrow and needed assistance, people would still see me with my designer handbag, iPhone, and a sorta nice car.  Although, admittedly, if I were that bad off, I would at some point sell the purse and ditch the iPhone for something way cheaper.

    Also, foster parents receive food stamps so I try and envision that these people may have money but are using the food stamps to help buy things for their foster kids, the same way I would be if I had a foster child.

    Then, I go to work and see a lawsuit about a corner grocery store that had it's food stamp license taken away because of fraud and I get angry anyway.

    Wisconsin is trying to pass a law that requires something like 80% of food purchased with food stamps to be "healthy."  Not sure who is defining healthy and not sure if I'm in full support of this or not yet.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

  • imageitsmevkb:
    imageNetty_3:

    imageamberdanielle68845:
    I automatically judge when I watch someone buy a cart full of crap food with a food stamp card, then whip out a big wod of cash to pay for their booze and cigarettes.  I have zero problem with someone receiving assistance who uses it wisely, buys something other than pop, hot dogs, chips and frozen pizzas, and who truely needs it.  But when I watch them pull out a large sum of money and get into a brand new vehicle all the while receiving assistance, I get a little irritated. Flame away....

    One summer in HS I worked at a grocery store, and it was seriously frustrating to see some people with hair and nails and fresh tan driving a brand new sports car all in name brands use assistance.  Like...how about spend the money you used on your frosted tips to buy some milk!

    I really try and tell myself that these people have perhaps just recently fallen upon hard times.  Afterall, if I lost my job tomorrow and needed assistance, people would still see me with my designer handbag, iPhone, and a sorta nice car.  Although, admittedly, if I were that bad off, I would at some point sell the purse and ditch the iPhone for something way cheaper.

    Also, foster parents receive food stamps so I try and envision that these people may have money but are using the food stamps to help buy things for their foster kids, the same way I would be if I had a foster child.

    Then, I go to work and see a lawsuit about a corner grocery store that had it's food stamp license taken away because of fraud and I get angry anyway.

    Wisconsin is trying to pass a law that requires something like 80% of food purchased with food stamps to be "healthy."  Not sure who is defining healthy and not sure if I'm in full support of this or not yet.

    To the bolded: I try and remind myself most times that if someone was laid off or just recently lost a job they would still have the nice things they've earned. When I was a teen well before this last recession hit, I worked at a gas station and had one lady come in for almost 2 years straight with state paid gas vouchers, always in new vehicles and she even made a point to say how she gets all the help she needs without having to work.  This is the type of instance that irks me and makes it so easy to judge.

    As for the 80% of food having to be healthy, part of me agrees with some type of regulation on buying foods thats are good for you: fresh fruits and veggies, whole grains, things like that.  Regulations like what WIC uses wouldn't be a bad thing in my mind. There's nothing wrong with getting some of that "junk food" but I think there should be a percentage of the food stamp amount that the crap food can't exceed.  This mainly irritates me bc I have an ex family member who instead of buying a loaf of bread and sandwhich supplies which costs around $10 and might last almost a week she will buy lunchables for all 5 kids at $2.50-$4 a piece and run out of food stamp money half way through the month.  I guess my point is that you can get much farther with many foods by not always buying the convenience items and learn to stretch the dollar.

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  • imagebearsbearsbears:
    I'm glad when people post "no skittles for poor people."  It gives me an opportunity to update my post-it.

    This made my night. 

    Poor folk need treats, too. I was on FS preggers, and you best believe I was overjoyed (and confused) at realizing FS would pay for my snickers Wink   

    On a slightly related note, FS should cover vitamins.  

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  • imagembenit4:
    imageSailor Saturn:

    I judge people that pay with a check when buying groceries. 

    I don't understand why?

    I write checks for groceries all the time. Sometimes I need a day for a deposit to post before the check clears, or I'm using our joint account, which I don't have a debit card for.
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  • imagebearsbearsbears:
    I'm glad when people post "no skittles for poor people."nbsp; It gives me an opportunity to update my postit.

    Yeah, I dont concern myself with what other people buy and how they pay for it. Judging them for it is even worse.
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  • Netty_3Netty_3 member
    New one...people obsessed with their own birthday! A friend on FB has posted 9 posts about her own birthday. DH and I have decided not to acknowledge it...I get it you're 36!
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  • I judged the ppl feeding ice cream to their baby who couldn't even sit up on its own yesterday...

    on the Disney note I think ppl push their kids and get stressed bc for a lot of ppl it is a one time shot that they have saved for for a long time and they have really high expectations for having a great time and great memories and vacations with too high spectators just end up being stressful....just sayin. Doesn't mean they should be crazy tho.  I loved the crop top story :)  

  • imagemabenner1:
    imagebearsbearsbears:
    I'm glad when people post "no skittles for poor people."nbsp; It gives me an opportunity to update my postit.
    Yeah, I dont concern myself with what other people buy and how they pay for it. Judging them for it is even worse.

    Well said.  I totally agree. 

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  • I'm judging my 18 yr old sister in law who thinks she will have a huge bachelorette party with only 2 girls of age. She wants to go out.. whats the point when you can't actually consume alcohol without sneaking it?! Also all the other bridesmaids don't have jobs and I can't see many parents giving up $150 after buying a dress and a shower gift later on for a bachelorette party.

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  • imagechristel811:
    imagemabenner1:
    imagembenit4:
    imageSailor Saturn:

    I judge people that pay with a check when buying groceries. 

    I don't understand why?
    I write checks for groceries all the time. Sometimes I need a day for a deposit to post before the check clears, or I'm using our joint account, which I don't have a debit card for.

    You won't be able to do this for long because most grocery stores will start to ACH the funds, so it will be just like a debit card.

    I work at a bank, and there's still a ~2 day wait, since the check has to be processed by the store's bank, then sent via the Federal Reserve as an ACH to my bank.

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