December 2013 Moms
FTM worries and how to deal?
This might deserve an AW title. I don't know. It's really bugging me though, and I'm hoping others have advice for how to deal.
I heard the heartbeat on Tuesday, and subsequently spent Tuesday night lying in bed, unable to sleep, stressing about whether I'll be a good mother (seriously).
I've always wanted to have children, but I'm not sure how well I will handle infancy, when they require all of my attention and more. I've always been very attached to my personal time and space, and I go nutso stir-crazy when I don't get it.
I know I will fare better when they're 2 and beyond, but it's the 18-24 months leading up to it that's terrifying me.
How to handle it?
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Re: FTM worries and how to deal?
I am very similar to you re: needing my personal time. I stayed home with DS for the first 7 months, and there were days when it was difficult for sure. However, I expressed this to DH and we worked out a system where when he would get home from work, I would get 20-30 minutes to myself just to decompress, read, shower, whatever. Just that short period of time was enough for me to feel like I had my "me" time for the day. We still do that now (I stay home with DS 2 days/week). I absolutely adore my time with my son, but that doesn't change the fact that I am also my own person with needs too. Yes, you put aside some of those needs when you become a mom (I wanted WAY more than 20 minutes of personal time/day before he was born! But now I see 20 mins as a luxury), but you can't forget yourself completely either...that's not healthy.
I don't think this makes you a bad mom. Every mom has to figure out little ways to keep herself sane. (And honestly--I find the "me" time harder to grasp now during toddlerhood! He is into everything and rarely slows down...infancy, at least he would nap a lot and I could relax for small periods throughout the day. Haha.)
All of your comments are very reassuring and I feel a little better. I have been so stressed out and worried...it really surprised me how suddenly the fear dropped on my head and would. not. leave. I'm guessing that hearing the heartbeat made it 'real' in a way that the BFP (and symptoms) had not...I'm not sure.
This is completely natural. Anyone who goes blithely through pregnancy without these or other worries isn't really thinking.
Parts will be hard; parts will be insane; parts will be easer than you think; and parts will be wonderful. Something in the next 18 months (pregnancy, birth, newborn or nursing) will be incredibly hard and almost break you. But you will survive. And you will love your child in such a deep way that it will make it both worse and worth it. You can do it.