Mobile: Could you be a surrogate?
Or have you been?
This is a question for the ladies, obviously. Sorry, gents.
A friend of mine was hanging out with a good friend of hers and his boyfriend, and they asked her if she would be their surrogate. My friend has otherwise never considered having children and, as she explains it, "can't seem to imagine it as being a positive experience."
But she's pretty close with the couple, they're not planning on actually going through with the process for some time yet, and she wants to actually give it some consideration.
It just got me curious to know what others would do in this situation. Is there any situation in which you would consider being a surrogate?
// I love you too. //
Re: Could you be a surrogate?
I can't due to being an extremely high risk candidate so this is moot point but I would like to think I would do it for someone extremely close to me like my sister.
Other than that, no I don't think I could.
I wouldn't be a candidate due to my health. I didn't enjoy any of my pregnancies either. If it was physically possible, I still couldn't think of a situation in my life where I would do it. I don't have any sisters, my best friend is done having children and has grandkids already and my SIL is done having children. There's no one close enough I would consider it for.
This exactly. I'm super emotional when not pregnant. I would think that I would become super attached and be really susceptible to ppd.
It sounds selfish, but I am only willing to go through pregnancy, labor and delivery if the baby is for DH and me.
First we had eachother.5.27.11
Then we had you.6.16.12
Now we have everything.
Like PPs said, it would be hard growing a baby knowing s/he isn't really yours. Being just a vessel could be dehumanizing.
That being said, I had an easy pregnancy and enjoyed being pregnant AND I'm broke. I get why people do it, but I'm not sure if I really could.
No, she doesn't have kids and never planned to.
// I love you too. //
Also, I finally learned how to this:
Why do I feel like I'd be more stressed about the choices I was making during pregnancy if I was carrying another couple's child? And then I would feel guilty for not being as stressed about my own children. I think I would be an emotional wreck.
It's not like I didn't take care of myself or made poor choices during my pregnancies, but I would feel compelled to keep the best diet ever and never skip an after dinner walk, kwim?
I am a hot mess of TTC+PP difficulties, but if it was my baby sister? Yes. She'd be the only one.
My pregnancy was great. After, not so much.
Before I got pregnant, I thought I totally could. Now that I have been, I know I couldn't.
I love being pregnant, my pregnancies have been easy and my delivery was textbook easy, and I'm still young and low-risk, but I know now that I could never give up any baby that grew inside me for 9 months.
LOL, awesome.
// I love you too. //
I would but my preference would be a couple that I didn't know personally beforehand. My friend was a surrogate and she said that pregnancy vs. the ones with her own kids were like night and day as far as bonding goes, etc. I liked being pregnant and I do feel like I wouldn't feel the connection to someone else's baby inside me that I do my own.
My friend was actually going to carry another child for the same couple but they did 2 transfers and one didn't take and the other was a chemical pregnancy. I would feel bad if the pregnancies wouldn't take in my body with any couple, but even more so if it was a family member or close friend I had to face on a regular basis. I'd feel like I let them down so much more.
YES, this was what I was thinking of. I mean, like everyone else said, I'd have a hard time growing the baby and then giving it up, but this is another aspect I think I'd have a hard time with.
This too!
// I love you too. //
I can definitely see where your H was coming from.
// I love you too. //
I wouldn't be comfortable being an egg donor, either.
I couldn't have done it for anyone but her. And I completely respect my husband's POV on it. It was upsetting not to be able to help her in that way, but I know that it is something both DH and I would have to been 100% comfortable with; as did she.
yup, I can too!
I would have a hard time with this too. I've had losses. I was able make peace with the situation. I eventually put my thoughts to rest about things I could have done differently and not blame myself. I think it would be harder to get past if it was someone else's child.
No. Regardless of whether it would be a surrogate or a gestational carrier, no. I don't care whose egg/sperm it is, there is no way I could NOT get attached to a little human growing inside of me, KWIM?
I just emotionally couldn't do it.
SCANDAL!
This is where I am. Plus, I didn't exactly like pregnancy. The idea of helping someone sounds great, but I just don't think I could do it.
Emotionally, I think I'm a great candidate for surrogacy. Pregnancy was pretty abstract for me, and I liked giving birth. I didn't feel like my daughter was mine until after she was born. I think knowing all through the process that it wasn't my child, it wouldn't feel like my child. I'm not sure I could do it with my own egg, though. And I would want to do it for a family member or close friend, so mom could be there at the birth, I could donate milk, etc. I think I would feel proud and happy I did it, not sad.
Physically, I'm not sure. I had horrible SPD and it's supposed to get worse with subsequent pregnancies. I also had a hemorrhage after birth and I'm not sure if that's something that might happen again. So it's probably not something I would risk unless it was for my own child.
Currently, no? When I was younger and in better shape, yes, I think I could have done it under for a family member or best friend.
ETA: I think I would have only done it as a true gestational carrier. I don't think I would have been able to donate one of my eggs.
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16
// I love you too. //
When DD was about 3 months old, I got pregnant (though I didn't find out until she was about 6 months old) and DH and I were not in a position to have another child (he has two from a previous relationship, DD is number three and we were NOT doing well financially....there were many obstacles and issues, that I won't go into here). One of my best friends had just lost a baby at 37 weeks and there were some medical issues so she wouldn't be able to get pregnant again...she was devastated. It was almost like God (sorry for those of you who aren't religious) placed this opportunity right in our paths. We had a baby we couldn't keep and they needed a baby/wanted a baby they couldn't have.
We approached them even before we told anyone we were pregnant. And they were overjoyed. We have an open adoption and some day when the baby is old enough we will explain to all the children what the situation is, I am very close with them still and I'm referred to as baby's aunt for now. Many, if not all of our friends know the situation.
It's truly been the most amazing experience for me. I never got "attached" to this baby as a mother, because from the outset I looked at her as someone else's child. But I do love her tremendously and feel an overwhelming pride/love for her whenever I see how much she is growing and doing. It was a difficult decision to make, but it was the RIGHT decision to make. She can have a life I knew I couldn't give her.
+1
// I love you too. //