"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th
Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!
Molly Mildred born 03/31/13
TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast
Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"
Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN
Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle
Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized
1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!
Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015
Re: Who's husbands help them!?!
Maybe you could just tell him when it's his turn to help and what specifically he should do instead of the more general requests for help? I think sometimes guys can be kind of clueless about how they can assist when you are BF. maybe he could do a bottle one night so you could skip one feeding and sleep a little longer stretch? I'm sorry you're having such a rough week. A holiday weekend is a good chance to make your DH step up to the plate before you have a complete meltdown!
H knows how sleep deprived I am and tells me I should have someone come over so I can nap during the day.
I am starting to see a lot of change too. We have always been a 50 50 partnership until lo came. I am home so I have taken on more of the, I hate to say it, women's role... Kids, chores, etc... Except cooking!!! Last week after a rough day of non stop feeding H asks if his work pants were clean. I stated I didn't know and he let it slip that he works all day and I should know my role??? Wth... I was the breadwinner, carried all the insurance, etc... Until I became pregnant a second time.
Anyway, sorry to rant here too. No H doesn't help at all. He informed me he doesn't like kids this young and will help when lo gets older.
Mine is similar to this. Dh does last feeding of the night and I get to bed early, I do motn, and depending on when she wakes up, he will sometimes get her before he leaves for work at 6:40. We've been trying to let dd sleep as long as possible, so this doesn't happen real often.. I also told him last night that we need to alternate on the weekends so I can get a longer stretch of sleep, and he agreed. But I agree with pp that you likely have to tell him exactly what you want him to do!
I realize this is totally out of the norm but it works right now for us. Once I'm done teaching I will take turns with him again.
LO usually falls back to sleep nursing so I don't wake DH. But on bad nights I hand LO over to DH after nursing and he has to do the rest.
This arrangement hasn't been easy. I basically have to kick DH and say 'your turn'. He isn't working right now so he has no right to a full nights sleep.
If its a bad night my DH will get up and make a bottle or hold him so I can get a potty break. On the weekends he will take him around 7a and I will sleep
until 9a or 10a.
I go back to work on June 10th, when LO is 8 weeks old so we will see how our routine changes. I'm part time with a flexible schedule. If I start in the afternoon our usual routine will be ok but if I am also working in the morning then he will have to take turns with me.
He's never helped with motn feedings, but he works and I'm on maternity leave, and I bf her so it doesn't really make sense for us both to have poor sleep. Fortunately, LO has been a decent sleeper getting up initially twice per night and now only once, and I can catch up on a few extra zzz's during nap time in the day.
Once I go back to work at 12 weeks, if she's still waking in the middle of the night ill enforce some sort of a take-turns schedule. Here's hoping she is sttn by then like dd1 was!
Our plan was that he do a morning feed by bottle even though I'm EPF between 5 and 7 so I could sleep in but LO doesn't agree with that schedule. Would you consider pumping and having him do a Feeding or two during the week?
I will say the second he walks through the door after work he takes her but I'm a horrible napper so I usually end up taking a bath or something instead.
ETA he does do one feeding by bottle on weekend night so I can try and catch up on sleep.
If I were you, mention to your husband that you know how hard he works, but you just need a break once or twice a week. If you do it this way, he may not feel like you are trying to argue. GL!
He does need to help you more, just tell him you need a break, talk to him. His days off he should help A LOT and let you recover. Some days I'm just living for SO's days off.
He goes to work at 6pm and I have LO 12 hours alone until 6am then he takes him and gives me a two hour nap. At 9 I take LO and have him by myself until anywhere from noon to 3. Usually SO will take his 3pm feeding to give me a little break.
On his off nights I take shift from 9pm to about 3:30am then SO takes him from then to 8-9am and during the day we just work together.
We trade off every other night. I may be on maternity leave but I'm healing and taking care of as much as I can during the day. The every other night of full, uninterrupted sleep has been a sanity saver for us both.
If the husbands who never do MOTN feedings were to try it, they would see how hard back to backs are. If you stay at home and DH doesn't really help, does that mean you are working 24/7? Doesn't seem fair to me when DH isn't at his job 24/7.
I would tell your DH that you do know your role which is his wife not his mom. He's a grownass man who should know where either the washing machine or dry cleaners is at. How disrespectful, his 'role' response really pissed me off for you.
If your LO Is still taking a feeding before midnight, that would be a time you could get extra sleep if he is uo anyway.
If sleep deprivation is ruining you...then definitely speak up and ask for help. I agree with what some others have mentioned-stating specifically the things you want him to do. It's hard to admit, but men really do sometimes need it spelled out.
With that said, I do MOTN feedings. I'm EBFing and, honestly, things move more quickly and quietly if just I wake up with the baby at night. Most of the time it's very quick from nursing back to bed, so it seems like more of a hassle to have both of us awake.
On the nights when LO is embracing "the witching hour" from 8:30-11pm, both H and I are right there together-rocking, singing, talking, shushing and trying our best to get him down. But MOTN feedings, he sleeps. If it's an abnormal wake-up and LO is extra fussy, he'll wake up and ask what he can do. I'm lucky to function pretty well on interrupted, minimal sleep
Sure he's working, but with 2 kids at home, I need to be able to function too!
When you are that sleep deprived, its really not even safe to drive, so I poo poo on the whole "he's working and I'm not..." you ARE working. Being a mom is hard work. And you need to be able to do it to the best of your abilities. That means getting some sleep.
Good luck mama. Just hand him the baby and say "your turn"
Dh is much better this 2nd time around than the first. He didn't know I needed him to jump in unless I actually handedhim the baby.
This. H and I pretty much split things 50/50, but I do try and let him get more sleep since he has a job where he has to be extremely alert.
I would be beyond pissed if my H ever pulled the "I'm working and you're not" line with me. H works parttime and goes to school, and during the day I'm obviously the one who cares for our children, I cook every night, do the grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc. but when H gets home, he's just as much of a parent as I am. We agreed long ago that both of us had something to do with bringing these children into the world, and it would be incredibly unfair to expect me to do everything babyrelated simply because I stay at home during the day.
We kinda follow the same routine. I return to work next week but it's 1/2 days for 3 days a week until the end of the summer so I will probably continue to be the one to get up in the MOTN. I do this Sun-Thurs and he tries to get up Fri/Sat so that I can sleep. I'm a light sleeper and even the lightest coo from DD wakes me up and I feel like I have to check on her so having him on "baby duty" on weekend nights def. is refreshing.
Thanks for all of the insight ladies..... I think my frustration is because I do feel like I have asked him to help me and been clear in what I need. I guess I need to remind myself how thick headed men are (no offense to the dad who posted!)
I also think I'm going to follow suit with a lot of you and start going down earlier..... It's been tough around here though because DD has been doing a lot of cluster feeding at night and I don't get good results with the pump....but I do think there is some opportunity there.
the other issue we've been having badly the past two nights is DD going down and then waking up anywhere between 10 minutes and an hour later. Last night she would wake up every 10 minutes for 2 hours while I tried to get her down. It was maddening and I was frustrated he wasn't helping more......
"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th
Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!
Molly Mildred born 03/31/13
TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast
Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"
Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN
Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle
Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized
1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!
Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015
most nights I handle the feedings and changings myself and DH stays in bed. But on the fussy nights, he steps up to help rock her, give her a pacifier etc. Those nights would otherwise make me lose it, so I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. DH sometimes feels like he isn't as effective at comforting the baby when she's fussy. That may be true, but I think it's more from lack of "practice" than inability. LO has together used to dad comforting her too, which she now is. Hopefully you can have a good talk with your DH and figure things out!
The decision to do the MOTN feedings has been mine. DH was getting up to give her a bottle, and initially he was changing her when I fed her, but he was so exhausted at work, and I felt guilty because he was more tired than me. He insisted it was not a problem, but I still felt guilty. The other reasons why I do them alone is because I simply do not sleep through DH feeding her. I can't relax to fall back asleep. Even if I could, I still need to get up and pump to replace what she's eating. DD also just doesn't seem to really like the bottle. She fusses way more than when I just pop her on the boob. It just seems like such a hassle. The good thing is that DH wants to help, and he does. He's been taking over the last feeding before we go to bed, and I know will be such great help when he's home during the day this summer.
For those of you whose husbands don't help, it is more than likely that they just need a specific job. I've realized that's how DH operates, baby related or not. GL to those of you wanting to involve your husbands more. I really don't think they understand how hard it is to do it solo!
I just find its faster and easier for me to handle it all right now. That being said, he now sleeps in the other room which is an added benefit because I am no longer kept awake by his snoring! Two birds with one stone!
. H did get frustrated w me last night bc he says I never offer to take 1st night feeding. I think bc he thinks I can nap during the day. Not always the case when she is fussy and have all of the household things to do. It wasn't until I had a girls day last weekend that he saw what my days are like.
No DH doesn't help. He's always been a heavy sleeper-although I've noticed he's better if he knows I'm not in the same room as him and LO. I've found that telling him I need him to do something, like watch LO so I can shower, is very helpful to keep me sane.
My DH is a lot like yours where he has no problem staying up until 1-2 am and still function fine for a 6 am wake up. I had to ask DH to take the feedings between 10-2. LO usually wakes up around 10:30 and then again at 12:30 before stretching to 3 and then 6. It has worked so far, and I usually try to be in bed between 9-10, and wake up around 12 to pump.
we were doing this and it was working great... in fact so well that LO only gets up once a night and DH and i are back to sharing a bed (we went into separate rooms during my 8m preggo insomnia). last night was his night and i felt bad (whyyyyyy???) and just did the 1am. at 5am when i kicked him, he got up VERY mad since he thought he was off the hook. and 2 only hours later he was sleeping with DS on the couch. hes been back in bed for 3 hrs sleeping, but i know im due for an unfairly pissy husband any moment...
demand that one night a week. the first time DH did a whole night, he apologized probably 50 times the next day for making me do that for 5 weeks nonstop. you need sleep & sanity too!!
He helps when he can and in ways that make sense - since I am home and DH is at work (and just started a new job, to boot), my "job" is to care for the baby. over the weekends he is very helpful with diapers, playing, and general "take care of the baby" stuff. He'll give bottles if ask him to, but up until now, I've been EBF so it doesn't make much sense to have him do that in the middle of the night, cuz I'd just have to pump.
Don't get me wrong, there have been many moments of frustration on both our parts but overall he's been a wonderful partner and I'm very grateful.
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