We're in a rather unique situation in that DH has a FT position while I have a scholarship to work on my PhD dissertation. It has really been a huge blessing, allowing me to have kids and stay home with them while still contributing significantly to our budget (I work on the dissertation PT when our nanny comes and when DH is at home). I'm nearing the end, however, and in the past 2 years since having DD1, I have come to realize that I am simply not cut out to be a SAHM. I want to work. We could live on DH's salary. We wouldn't be able to afford many extras, but we would be ok.
Still, I don't want to. I really, really, really want to work. It's not even the money aspect. It's that I feel very resentful when all childcare matters are on my shoulders (if I want to work, I have to figure out how to get free time to do it) and, while I dearly love my children, I want to work. I wish I could feel satisfied staying at home with them all day, but I don't.
I'm sincerely hoping I'm not the only one here. Does anyone else feel the same? I should add that it probably makes a difference knowing that I don't have to send my kids to daycare after only getting 6 or 12 weeks at home with them, and that when I work it most likely won't be FT, so I'll still get time with the girls. Still, I really need that PT time away from them.
Re: Feeling like a bad mom (kinda long)
I actually find that since I went back to work, I appreciate and enjoy the time I have with DD even more, and she seems to enjoy spending time with met Mimi and Pop. That last bit is important to me, because both my grandmothers died before I was born, my dad's dad was an alcoholic and we weren't close to him, and my mom's dad loved halfway across the country until I was in high school and he moved back here. I want DD to be close to her grandparents, because I never had that opportunity. Went a little off topic here, but I'm just really glad that she'll get to grow up with all four of her grandparents nearby.
I have loved these last four months with my daughter and wouldn't change them for the world, but boy am I ready to go back to work next week.
I'm a teacher and will be going back in September so that will have given me nearly 7 months home with DS. I am so grateful to have that long time with him. But - I am also happy that I will be going back to work. Like PP said, I need interaction with others. I also like having a solid schedule. And I love being a teacher! Plus in the long run it will be perfect. Once DS is of school age, our schedules will match up.
You are NOT a bad mom, but any stretch of the imagination!!
All of this! I really do enjoy this time being able to do whatever I want all day, but I miss teaching, my students and my coworkers. I worked really hard and just finished my master's degree in the fall, so it seems silly not to use it! I may be taking extended leaves as we have more kids, but ultimately I will work. Half the reason I got interested in teaching was the schedule compatibility with having a family!
Yep. Shake off that guilt, mama!
DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13
It takes a very special kind of person to stay at home and I am big enough to admit its totally not for me at leasy right now. Does it mean I love my kids any less? Absolutely not! It means for our family, my sanity and everyone's quality of life is improved because I go to work. On the flip side it takes a special mom to be able to leave her kids several hours a day and sacrifice that time to provide for her family.
It's a very personal decision and no one can judge anyone else on their decision. I am envious of the time SAHM get with their kids but I know if I was a SAHM I would be envious of those that go to work. We all do what is best for our families so at the end of the day rest well knowing you are making smart decisions for your household.
06/12 - BFP!!!!
Beta #1 15dpo - 256
Beta #2 18dpo - 1097
6wk U/S on 07/02 ~ TWINS!!!
EDD 02/21/13
09/10/12 Found out it's two Boys!!!! Sam and Jake
Jacob and Samuel born 1/29/13 at 36 weeks.
DS born: February 2013
TTC #2: Nov. 14
Chemical pregnancy 09/16/15
BFP: 12/25/15 EDD: 09/04/16
Ha ha... Yes, you are exactly right. What I meant is that so much of our conversations revolve around politics and current events because that is the field we both work in, which makes zero sense the way I wrote it. I have been keeping up and having good discussions while I have been at home, as any SAHM can of course do, but it just hasn't been the same because I'm not IN it the way I am when I am working, you know?
::breathes a sigh of relief::
Thank you all for sharing how you feel about going back to work! It seems to me like most women I know either stay at home or only go back to work because it's necessary for some reason. I was starting to think maybe I was alone in my actual desire to work.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
I wasn't sad either. In fact, when everyone (EVERYONE) at work asked me if I was sad and "wasn't it so hard to leave him?" I lied and said yes.
I work two days a week, 12 hour shifts. It kind of stinks to come home after DS goes to sleep, but I get 5 days a week at home with them, two of which are just me and him while DH works. I feel like it's a good compromise for me because I really enjoy my job and I feel like I am a better mom when I'm home after having a little time to focus on my own personal and professional development.
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
Yup! I think a part of it goes back to the fact that my mom takes care of DD on the days DH and I both work, and I'm just so glad that my daughter is getting to spend this time with her grandparents. And since DH has one of my normal work days off, he and DD get some nice daddy-daughter time together, which is also wonderful. It might have been harder for me if I had to put her in daycare, but since she's with family while I'm at work and I actually happen to enjoy what I do, it's been nice being back at work.
I do have to admit, I'd extend the part-time schedule longer if I could, but I'd have to take both days off unpaid (instead of just one day unpaid, which is what I'm currently doing) after July 8, and I don't think we could afford it without dipping into our savings, which is still recovering from two car purchases in as many months.
Yep, mom guilt is the problem. The feeling is -- every other mom seems to want to stay home with their child as much as humanly possible, and for me it would be possible to be a FT SAHM but I don't want to. I am very glad to hear from others that I'm not the only one.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence