BTDT moms- postpartum visitors
2junebabies
member
Hi ladies. I was wondering if you could share your experiences with visitors after your LO was born. For this baby, DH and I are living 9 hours away from my family and friends, and 5 hours away from his. We have a very small apartment (a studio without even one separate bedroom), so hosting people is pretty much out of the question. My parents are planning to come out when we are at the hospital and my mom is going to stay with me the first week, which I have no problem with because we are super close and I know I will want her advice/love/care. But I am not sure how I feel about other visitors.
I have a friend from high school who is kind of making it her mission to come out and visit us when LO is born. She is also about 5 hours away from us and is planning to rent a car and stay in a hotel because she knows we don't have much space. But I am the first of any of our friends to have a baby, so I don't know how much she realizes that I am not going to be a great host. I don't know if I'm up for having her visit for a few days and feeling like I have to entertain, especially while acclimating to life with a newborn. DH and I are moving back to my hometown at the end of July, when LO will be 4 to 6 weeks old, so I feel like it makes much more sense for my friend to visit us up there because she can stay with her parents and I won't feel like I have to be the sole one entertaining her.
How did you ladies feel when your LO was born? Did you want to see people right away or was waiting better? I've heard from a couple of moms that they don't really feel normal until 3 or 4 weeks postpartum. It would be a completely different story if my friends lived near me and they could just come for a quick visit and go home, but the idea of hosting people has me overwhelmed.
Sorry this ended up being longer than I planned. Thanks!
Re: BTDT moms- postpartum visitors
with DS1 I was near family and couldn't stand always having visitors. I just wanted my time alone with my baby- to bond and nurse and just get to know him, and figure things out. I hated passing him around to everyone too. The occasional visitor was okay, but seriously my house was full of people, and I felt like I had to share my baby, not to mention I also felt like I needed to entertain them.
With DS2 I was in Germany- with no family around. However; I did have a few friends come over here and there, and it was perfect. They didn't stay too long, and I didn't have to entertain them. I also didn't have to share my baby- and felt like I had enough alone time with him.
With this baby- again I am far away from family, but my mom is flying in to stay to help out with DS2 while I give birth. I am sure I will have a few friends come to the hospital or to the house after, but again...I think it will be okay this time around because I don't have to deal with a ton of people.
I would feel too overwhelmed with people wanting to come up to the hospital, and to my house after. I just like my own space, and alone time though, esp with having a new baby.
Thanks ladies. These are all helpful.
I guess I should have also mentioned that I asked her about waiting until I move to see the baby, since it makes so much more sense logistically for her as well, and she said she really wanted to see the baby before that and then told me her plans of renting a car and staying at a hotel. But I will definitely mull it over some more and discuss it with her again.
I was really happy to have my mom's help when I needed it, but she lives 5 minutes away so she wasn't there all the time. I didn't want many visitors or even that much help from my mom because I wanted to get to know my baby and learn his quirks on my own first without everyone telling me 100 ways to do something. It was nice to just do everything our own way first, and then tell everyone else how to help.
I would suggest playing it by ear because you never know how much you would need her, but I'm sure you will need breaks, so I would definitely limit the visitors.
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Yeah, no. At that point you want everyone to go away so you can figure out how to do this without people looking over your shoulder and making helpful suggestions. Seriously, after a couple of days I didn't even want my mother there.
I'd ask her to wait until after the move; that's a lot going on at once.
Updated September 2012.
I had no problem being selective about our visitors. Our parents? Fine, but I told them when I was ready for them to leave. My BFF who had two kids and wanted to drop by with some baby clothes and a freezer meal? Sure, she knew what to expect.
But most others we put off for at least a month or two. And these people were all local. I never would have hosted anyone for extended periods of time, I was just too tired to play hostess.
I would just tell your friend that it will be easier for you to meet up in your hometown, you will need a few weeks to yourselves after the baby is born.