I'm just curious... we have neighborhood friends who regularly allow kids around 4 yrs old (a couple even younger) to play out in the yard/driveway alone and go up & down the sidewalk on scooters or trikes, etc (usually in pairs/twins or if an older sibling is around though the older sibling is not always super close by & often wanders off elsewhere w/ friends) and I have always been uncomfortable with that & didn't think that I would be able to let my kids do that before they're school aged...then w/ all the cleveland stuff I was looking at some links about talking to kids more about strangers/'tricky' people and one tip was like- never let your younger kids out of your sight even for a second...
my kids are now at a point where i trust them not to randomly bolt into the street, they will often play in the mulch beds w/ a digger or with a truck in the driveway for quite some time, etc... I am generally out there but w/ almost 4 yr old twins, if one needs me to get something from the garage or a water from the kitchen or has to run into the bathroom & needs slight assistance, it just is impossible to drag both or the other one along.... but at the same time, just the other day DS needed to go in & I thought DD was following us &I turned around and she wasn't there & I ran to the front yard and didn't see her and started yelling for her and it was probably all of 20 seconds or so and finally she yells (all annoyed) WHAT?! and was in the mulch and I just didn't see her...
Anyway, we all know what a terrible feeling that is since most ppl have lost sight of a child at some point but I am trying to figure out how to balance going nuts keeping 2 kids in my sight all the time and being smart/safe.
What do you do when near the house/yard or a place that your child knows well?
Re: 4 yrs old- do you let your kids play in the yard if you can't always see them?
I will run into the house to get something and tell DS to stay where he is. By nature, he's a cautious kid so I don't worry about him running off. I am a pretty laid back parent... and I don't worry for a second about my kid getting abducted out of my yard. Maybe I should, but I don't.
I'm glad you made the distinction of "tricky" people. I think "stranger danger" is not a good way to teach kids about avoiding abduction. Children should feel safe to talk to "strangers" if they are in trouble/lost/etc. It is the people that try to give them a ride, candy, etc that are the danger.
I'm not ready to let my 3yo out alone for more than the minute or two it takes to grab the phone in the house or go in the garage to grab a toy. Our yard is fully fenced, so they have the run of the yard/fenced area of the driveway and I don't hover right next to them, but I do stay within sight as much as possible and always always withing ear shot. I suppose the fact that we live near train tracks and a corner people are prone to taking at least 15 mph too fast skew my feelings a bit.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I have let my kids play outside without constant direct supervision since my older son was about 4. But, we don't live on a 'street' per se; our driveway is far, far away from the road. I have no fear of traffic or a snatching. I am more concerned about them wandering into the bush than some random human snatching them.
They are now 4 and nearly 6 and I let them play outside within earshot but not necessarily eyeshot all the time.
On the tricky ppl note, I saw a great reference post on special needs yesterday I can't link from my phone but the post title was something about stranger danger and someone posted a blog link w really good ideas and references, I even went online and bought a kids book related to it.
There are a few families in our neighborhood who let their very small children play outside alone and it drives me nuts. One mom even lets her 2 small girls (5 & 6) play all over the neighborhood while she's in their basement on the treadmill. And on more than 1 occassion I've had to help a 3 year old who fell off his bike b/c his parents were nowhere to be found.
I leave my kids in the backyard if I need to go in and start making lunch or dinner but I check on them frequently and they know to stay where I can see them from the kitchen window. If our yard was fenced I'd probably be more relaxed about it. I absolutely do not let them play in the front yard without me. I'm not sure at what age I'll be comfortable with it.
This. We live in a subdivision. Very little traffic and we know everyone. It's not really something I worry about. I don't let her go more than 10ish minutes without me peeking on her, but I do let her out of my sight. So far, she has been very responsible with the freedom I have given to her.
This summer is the first time I allow them to go out in the back by themselves. We don't have a fence, but the rule is they have to stay on our lawn or on our neighbor's swing set (we have permission) or they have to come in.
Ds is 4 1/2 and obeys completely. Dd is 2 1/2 and does pretty good and gets led back to our yard by her brother. For the most part, I am in the living room watching them, but I feel comfortable now doing chores briefly around the house.
I was all up and down my block at those ages. I walked to school alone at 6. I plan on doing the same (the playing) with my kids. It's normal in my neighborhood.
I don't get this at all. Why is it hard to have both kids go inside when you need to? Mommy needs to go inside for one minute and you need to come in too but can stand by the door with your shoes on period. What is so hard about that?
Because I clearly don't have your fabulous parenting skills that my not yet 4 yr old kids just do whatever I say whenever I say it? Because 2 kids who are very happily playing in the dirt or on their bikes on the sidewalk (esp the boy) don't just say oh, OK mommy! when I say, stop what you're doing, walk back inside the garage/house and stand in the doorway while your sister washes her hands or I go get a bandaid or a bottle of water for you? It is hard, in my house, with my kids, who have always been a handful & are not those kids who just stand next to me and listen, and I guess I'm doing something very wrong since it clearly is quite easy to accomplish. Oh well.
Of course it is about many factors- I did feel fine about it until I read the 'don't let young children out of your sight even for a moment'. The truth of the matter is, if someone were watching a kid, they could get them pretty easily if they were playing in the yard & no one was out in a neighboring yard, even with a parent watching from nearby or in the house or even with a large yard or long driveway, you only have to take advantage of about 10 seconds of a turned back.... I also realize this happens probably a small fraction of a percent of all kidnappings, etc. and so I don't want to go crazy thinking about it but was just curious what others did since some of my neighbors seem quite laid back (including a 2 yr old who walks across the street from his house to the park & back regularly?!)- I guess not surprisingly, it seems to be a mixed bag on here, which is probably reflective of the whole.
It makes me think of the whole- don't put your kid's name on their stuff that someone could see it...well, hang out near me pretty much anywhere I am with them & you'll hear me say their names (esp his) a kajillion times trying to get him to stop walking away, messing w/ stuff at the store, almost getting hurt, etc. Seems like just as easy a way to learn a kid's name if that's your MO. But I still probably won't put their names on their bags, etc as they are older & would be going to school w/ the bags, as a precaution.... kwim?
Nope. I only just started letting my 3.5 year old play outside by himself, and that's in my enclosed backyard, I insist he stay where I can see him and only for long enough for me to change DS2's diaper.
I can't imagine things changing so significantly in the next few months that I'd let him run around out front without me.
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Back, fenced in yard, yes, I do leave my four year alone. But I am always either in the kitchen or dining room where I can watch him frequently from the windows. I also make sure the door stays open so he can alway communicate with me.
The front yard or sidewalk, no way. In addition to the kidnapping aspect, people drive WAY too fast on my residential street.
GSx1 - 05/13/2013
GSx2 for T&B - EDD 6/21/2015 - They're having a GIRL!
My kids (all three) are allowed to play in the back FENCED yard unattended. They do it all the time.
Front yard--I allow my almost 8 & 6 year old to play with neighborhood kids without constant supervision, though they are check on regularly, and they have a defined set of yards they have to stay within (its between 2 friends houses) on each side of our house.
My 3 year old is not allowed to play out front without me there, so usually the big kids play during his nap otherwise, I have to be out there. He wants to be with his siblings.
Totally agree with this. I'll have to check out that book
I agree and I hate being too helicoptery as well- I teach in higher ed & have definitely seen the long term effects of all of the overprotective & controlling parenting...but like all of us I'm sure, I hate second guessing myself too and the what if factor--- I am all for letting kids mess up, get a teeny bit hurt to learn not to do something, have to figure things out on their own by trying & failing and not helping them w everything, but that predator factor is such a wild card. On our local (mid sized city) radio station the other day they asked if people listening had experienced kidnapping, a kidnapping attempt, assaults by a stranger as a child, etc, to call in---- they got so many calls and stories that after the 3rd one I actually had to turn the channel, I couldn't listen anymore and they said the phones were lighting up. Obviously most of them were things that didn't end up in a bad way b/c the kid either ran or a parent intervened or whatever, but it was pretty disturbing that they got that many calls from ppl in one metro area listening to one station.
This is the person who wrote that- While I think the 'don't let them out of your sight' rule is maybe a bit extreme, I do think her tips for teaching safety to kids are pretty good.
https://safelyeverafter.com/tips.html
For the record, I'm not really sure how she defines "young children". 1?2?3?4? under 10, lol?
DS is 3.5 and he plays in the fenced backyard alone. He has for a while. The gate is locked and I usually crack a window so i can hear him. For me, the fear is more that he will do something like jump off of the playset. He has no fear. I also open the blinds stay in areas where i can see the back yard. I love his independence.
He is not allowed in the front without us. If we are all outside, he can't go past the side walk.