Breastfeeding in public
On facebook, I shared an awesome picture of a woman dressed up as Wonder Woman nursing her baby with no cover. There honestly was not much to see as far as her breasts go.
My husband's cousin saw it, and is now starting a huge debate with me over covering up in public while breastfeeding. I don't think I should have to, while she says every mother should. Her reasons are that there are men who are uncomfortable and stare at the women.
Anyway, do you agree that women do not need to cover up while nursing in public? Why or why not? What would you say to someone that have these excuses for covering up?
1. "There are men who are very uncomfortable or pervy, and they would look at your breasts with 'hungry eyes'."
2. "You need to be modest"
3. "Go in the bathroom/Mother's room to nurse your baby"
Any other negative comments that you have a great reply to? Obviously, I'm for not having to cover up, but I'm too chicken to not cover up. I'm working on being braver though lol.
ETA: Another one of DH's cousins has started up bashing me for agreeing with NIP. These two girls are actually Mormon, and they both are very snooty about everything Mormon (from being modest to why Mormonism is the only way to go). I'm getting baptized in June as a Mormon, but I'm not going to cover up while nursing just to make someone else comfortable.
Re: Breastfeeding in public
Boobs are for food. If someone's being pervy, that's between him and God. If it doesn't bother you, I don't see what the big deal is.
As for being modest, I agree that a lot of women show a lot more skin fully clothed than feeding a baby.
TBH, while I fully support NIP (cover or no cover), I personally prefer to cover. But that's just me.
All of this. Exactly.
I have done both. My husband is in the military, and if I was on base, I used a cover, just in case I saw his boss or colleague. Just my preference.
Otherwise, I used a cover when he was little and was cold, outside, etc, but as he got older, he just tugged at it so I stopped. I did use a scarf, my coat, etc, if needed.
I have truly BF everywhere I think - on a train from Germany (where we live) to Paris with a nursing 14 month old, at the mall, airplanes, etc. No funny looks here in Europe, but I know in the states people can be weird.
And I never, ever would or did feed my baby in a bathroom. That is disgusting.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
Well, I have and there wasn't really a choice. It was not what I would choose to do if there had been anywhere else to go. (a car, bench, seat of any sort or even the grass outside had it not been below freezing) I could not feed him standing up. I don't think a woman should have to use a restroom to feed their baby but you sound judgmental with this. How great for you that you would never, ever, consider using a restroom because it's disgusting but my baby did get fed. My son is now 17 and he hasn't suffered from it. (each of my sons nursed until they were just past 2)
1. "There are men who are very uncomfortable or pervy, and they would look at your breasts with 'hungry eyes'."
1. Those men are still going to stare at your breasts. You can cover everything completely and men like that will stare. Plus, that's his issue.
2. "You need to be modest"
2. It's quite possible to be modest and nurse in public uncovered but the important thing is to feed the baby. Breastfeeding is a normal, natural thing to do. Some women show off almost as much in regular clothes, is anyone going to tell them to cover up?
3. "Go in the bathroom/Mother's room to nurse your baby"
3. Trust me, from personal experience, it's not comfortable to nurse in a bathroom. Would anyone else like to go eat in a restroom? You shouldn't have to remove yourself from everyone and every situation to nurse. Babies eating from a bottle don't have to leave the room.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
I agree with this 100%. FTR, I don't know of anyone personally who wants everyone to see their boobs while breastfeeding. Most moms want to be as discreet as possible for their own sake. I stopped using a cover once DS was good at latching on and it didn't take twenty minutes. I never once received a comment. I have nursed at work conferences, on airplanes, at the mall, etc.
When I was 8 and went to a museum, there were statues and pictures of exposed breasts. I admit I was squeamish. However, I grew up and realized boobs are no big deal and are a basic part of human anatomy. Today I wouldn't even flinch if they were exposed on a woman who wasn't breastfeeding. It is just a body part.
If women don't breastfeed in public, society will never change and will never learn to be accepting of it. I used to use a cover, partially because I was worried about people seeing my boobs and partially because I was worried about what people would think, but now that DD is almost 7 months old, I never use a cover anymore. When I do try to use a cover, she tries to bat it out of her face cause it bothers her. She likes to be able to look around. I've realized that the cover should be for me, not for other people and frankly I don't care what other people think. I always wear a nursing tank top under a regular shirt, so I can pull the shirt up and the tank top down to pull out my boob, and people probably can't see much of anything since the baby's head is in the way, and as soon as she unlatches, I cover up again.
I've nursed in lots of places... restaurants, coffee shops, airplanes, airports, stores, outside in a playground, etc. and I've never gotten strange comments from people. There was one drunk man once who made obscene gestures at me while I was nursing but I just shrugged it off as him being a pervert and didn't really let it get to me.
I've also thought of what I would say to someone if I did get a strange comment... I think in a restaurant if someone asked me to cover up while feeding my baby, I would say something like, "Well if you'll cover your head with a blanket while you eat, then I'll cover her head too!" or if someone asked me to go somewhere private to feed her, I might ask them to go eat their meal in the bathroom. Where, when and how I choose to feed my baby is none of their business.
I also don't agree that women should have to go somewhere private to feed their babies--eating in our society is a very social activity. People go out for coffee, go out to breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner. People like to be around others when they're eating and I don't think babies should be required to go be by themselves when they're eating either.
I refuse to partake in stupid debates. I shouldn't have to explain WHY it is FINE for a woman to breastfeed *GASP* in public.
Women HAVE to feed their babies, no matter where they are. I'm so FUC**** sick of this argument.
This argument is BULLSH**. Women have the legal right to feed their babies in most states WITHOUT having to cover up. So EFF everyone else and feed your babies ladies, without a cover if you so choose. People need to GROW THE EFF UP.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
How about NO and SCREW YOU? Grow up.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
Moms should do whatever they are comfortable with.
Just like women should dress however modestly or immodestly they are comfortable with in the rest of their lives. If another woman wants to wear a belly-baring shirt, she can. If someone wants to wear a hijab and cover her hair, she should. Doesn't mean I should.
I do what I want. You do what you want. She does what she wants. We are the bosses of our own darn bodies and I won't have it any other way. No one has ever said anything negative to me, and a few people have said positive things to me (or said them to people who later said them to me - like my friend said her friend commented on my nursing my 1.5 year old at the table of the church turkey supper. She was impressed at how discreet I was and how I didn't really even pause my conversation.)
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There are unpopular opinions and there are there opinions that border on discriminatory. Saying that you think a mother should move to a non-public place and cover up as much as possible? That's plain discriminatory. Would you tell a black woman to move away from other people? Would you tell a mother bottle feeding her baby to move away from other people? Same thing. This is exactly why breastfeeding needs to be normalized. So people like you can get over your fear of seeing a woman's breast.
I'm glad you would keep your discriminatory opinion to yourself and NOT dare tell a mother to move to a more secluded place or cover up a bit more while they are busy trying to feed their hungry baby. That would not end well for you. This is why laws exist that protect a woman's right to breastfeed in public without covering.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
Nope breastfeeding is who I am. I was born with breasts to feed my babies. My baby needs to eat. Needs to eat or she will die. Do you realize that babies NEED to eat? And that some babies are exclusively breastfed? Some mothers can't pump. I do appreciate that you at least would never voice your opinion.
Can you imagine a world where YOU were allowed to make the laws and women were forced to leave public areas for breastfeeding in public? A world where a woman was forced to cover up OR she would face a jail sentence or fined for feeding their hungry baby? That is the world that you would want? That is the world that would exist if your discriminatory opinion was popular opinion.
As far as not seeing them and breasts making you uncomfortable? I have an excellent solution. Never leave your house again, because this is what you are expecting when you wish to isolate women who breastfeed in public. Or of course, much simpler. Look away.
And your comparisons don't work because defecating or urinating in public are not allowed, breastfeeding is.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
I agree with this. I've never used a cover to nurse either.
I find that people who are so outspokenly negative will not listen to any argument. It's not even worth my effort anymore.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Your comments have been making the most sense to me! Thank you for your responses.
Thank you to everyone else who responded as well.
I'm glad you're able to cover and feed your baby. Good for you. I actually cover a bit too when I BF in public *GASP*. But many women can't cover, nor should they need to. And I remember distinctly that you said you think women should MOVE to a remote spot and cover as much as possible- this is discriminatory to me.
A woman can do whatever they want. You keep talking about different cultures, I am a very cultured person and have traveled to many different countries and know and understand and respect different countries and cultures. Would I breastfeed uncovered in Saudi Arabia? Nope I'd probably get arrested. But this is AMERICA woman. AMERICA the land of the free and the law protects women who choose to BF in public. I know and understand you have a different opinion, but I think your opinion is dangerous. The danger is that forcing women to leave public places and not allowing them to mingle with others while they BF will deter women from breastfeeding at all. I know many women who are afraid to BF in public because sadly man people still can't accept the basic necessity and simplicity of a baby breastfeeding. I'm done here I have to run to court.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
I have the opinion that paragraphs greatly enhance an argument's readability.
I wish you would respect that, JandA.
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This. Holy walls of text, I didn't even bother to read them so I don't know why you judge NIP nor do I care. I'm of the school of thought, you do what you want, and I'll do what I want. I choose not to use a cover because it makes things 10X more complicated, and why should I have to anyway? If that makes you uncomfortable, your problem, not mine.
In response to the whole "you should be discreet and cover or go somewhere else so no one sees your boobs" argument (that has happened on here nine million times), I would just like to say, here is a picture of me nursing my son without a cover when he was two months old:
I'm so sorry you guys had to see that. I know it's an obscene photo. Hopefully no one was scarred or corrupted by the sight of boob... oh wait...
So... I didn't read the "walls of text" as someone else put it because it made my eyes cross. I got the gist though.
I think it's each individual's choice whether to cover or not. It doesn't phase me either way. I've fed in public twice so far, once in a restaurant and once in a movie theater. I covered in the restaurant, I didn't in the theater.
I don't cover at home at all, I figure anyone who is comfortable enough to stay long enough that he needs to be fed is comfortable enough to see me feed him.
It irritates me that someone would try to enforce their opinion on others. If YOU feel the need to cover, by all means do so. Don't be prudish and try and enforce your opinions on others. (o) (o)
I NIP fairly frequently and most of the time use a cover because I am more comfortable that way. That being said, I will also go coverless if I feel like it or need to for some reason.
That being said I actually find I get less looks and noticed less without a cover.
It is not my problem if someone wants to look or not look. I am feeding my baby. It is no different to me than giving a bottle or even solid foods in public.
The beach must just be hell for you, JanACoffee. And I assume you never go to a bar!
I see boobs. Just not on breastfeeding women, generally. I work on a university campus and I see plenty of skin... with no babies in sight.
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That was my point, but apparently the sarcasm didn't work out. My point is that you see less boob when a woman breastfeeds than you do when you walk by Victoria's Secret, or when a woman wears a low cut top, or if you go to a swimming pool. I've seen a lot of women breastfeed, and none of them have ever whipped out their boob and then left it hanging there in plain sight for 45 minutes while they prepare to latch their baby on. That picture of me breastfeeding? That's what most women look like when they're nursing in public.