Babies: 3 - 6 Months
husband already asking about making baby #2
Son just turned 4 months and my husband is already asking about when to go with baby #2. he wants them 15 months apart, I on the other hand at the moment don't feel ready, I had a hard labor that ended in C-section so im not ready for that again, I would also like baby #1 to be able to understand things better. Anyone out there with 2 kids that can give advice? or people with just 1 what are your plans for age difference for a second child?
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Re: husband already asking about making baby #2
If it were up to my DH, we never would have even started birth control after DD was born! I have PCOS and had to use Clomid to conceive this time, plus I'm breastfeeding, so it wasn't too far out of the realm of possibility to not use birth control and just see what happens. But once I had her, I knew that if I somehow got pregnant right away I'd go insane, with a newborn and a barely 1-year-old. Like you, I'd prefer DD to be a bit older (maybe even potty trained?) so that she's more independent and doesn't need constant supervision or care when we have another baby.
We will stop birth control no later than when DD is 1 year old. Because of my previous trouble conceiving, we may even stop earlier than that. I'm anticipating that we will need help getting pregnant again.
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
I also have PCOS, but clomid did not work, nothing did. Diet change and vitamins is what worked.
That being said, DS is six years older than dd, I also went off bc when he was one. It took me that long to get preg again. But he was a pretty high strung toddler, I know I wouldn't have been able to handle another then. I like the difference. He's in kindergarten so I get all day with just dd. He LOVES her and completely understood why I was sick, why we couldn't do x while I was pregnant. He also understands when I can't get to him or do something for/with him with dd being so little. He isn't jealous, he's helpful.....
Basically I love the age gap, its a bit difficult to go from a child to baby again, but I still wouldn't change it.
About 2--3 years is nice, I think, in general. Closer than 2 years is harder on the parents and can be hard on the mom physically if you don't leave enough time in between pregnancies. I think I'd vote 18 months minimum, for me, but there are pluses and minuses to EVERY spacing so you have to think about what works for you.
We spaced ours each about 2 years apart and it worked out really well for us so far. Our first two are super close and play together all the time, and the toddler was able to understand a little bit about the baby being born. We didn't have any major jealousy issues either time, which was great.
My brothers and I are each 4 years apart. We're really close, but I always wished we were closer in age. My parents said that after a while it seemed like every stage was dragged out too long for them. Just when one kid finished high school (or whatever), another was starting.
The current recommendation is that women space their babies out by at least 18 months because it gives their bodies a chance to fully heal from pregnancy and delivery. So there's that.
I just wanted to say that I had 4 friends who were all pregnant at the same time as I was with my first and they all got pregnant pretty soon after they had their first. I was really happy I waited and enjoyed DD for 2+ years before bringing home another LO. It was so fun too because DD really understood it and was excited about having a little brother. She told me soon after we brought him home, "I'm glad N is here." Something she wouldn't not have been able to express to me had she been younger. Plus as of this week she is out of diapers, yay! I really like the 2-3 year separation, we are planning to try to do the same for our third.
It is all what you are used to. My first 2 are 15.5 months apart and I loved that spacing. DS was still a baby when DD was born, and after only a few days, he barely remembered what it was like being alone. He doesn't remember a time without her at all, and they are truly best friends. It is really adorable to watch them play together and have conversations. They also learn so much from each other - they always want to do what the other is doing, and since they are so close in age they learn a lot together (using big kid toothpaste, potty training, etc). Of course they fight, and at times I want to pull my hair out, but for us, 15 months was great spacing! That said, DS was a difficult baby, but DD#1 was an angel (she is making up for that now as a pre-schooler!). She would hang out in her bouncy seat, sleep when she felt like it, rarely cried, and was all around just the easiest baby - perfect for 2u2.
Now DS was almost 4 and DD#1 was 2.5 when DD#2 was born. It is different having older kids with a baby. They are able to help me get diapers, new outfits for her, etc. We did have some behavioral issues right around when she was born, but overall they adjusted really well. They both LOVE the baby. I find it harder to have the baby on a routine/schedule with older kids because they have activities/pre-school, etc so we are always going somewhere.
Good luck!!
ETA: My sister is 11 months older than I am, so we knew we wanted kids close in age - we always got along well, and it was great having a sibling close in age - a built in friend!
Ours are 27 months apart, and I almost felt like we hit the spot when it is toughest (IMO). A little earlier (like #1 being somewhere 12-18 months when #2 is born), and I feel like they are sleeping well and they are not having your terrible twos behavior. A little older (like 3+), and they are potty trained and hopefully more independent).
This is the age range we wanted, but boy is it tough right now. Hopefully it will get easier soon!
DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13