Is this rude? XP

je2161 · May 2013

I had a CS with DD due to fetal distress. I was talking to a family friend the other day. I wanted to see if any of you ladies would find some of her comments rude / insensitive.

Friend: So are you having a VBAC?

Me: Well, it's up in the air. I'm a good candidate for VBAC so if I go into labor naturally and things progress quickly, then I'll try for a VBAC. If I don't go into labor naturally or things stall too much, then it'll be another CS.

Friend: With my first child, I originally wanted a CS because I thought it would be easier. Then I researched it a bit and realized a CS is major surgery and so I decided I didn't want a CS. I went natural. And I'm so glad it worked out that I didn't have a CS. With my second child, I had GD and I was terrified of having a CS due to a big baby. I asked my OB 'Will I need a CS?' and she reassured me that I won't need a CS. Well, my second baby was not big and I had her naturally. I am soooo happy I avoided a CS- I really didn't want one!

When I finished talking to her, I didn't think anything of our conversation at first. Then, I started feeling like a few of her comments (the ones I've bolded) were a bit insensitive. I mean if I was in her shoes, I would never say those things to a person who already had a CS and is potentially facing another one very soon.

So, ladies, what say you? Were those comments rude / insensitive? Or were they innocent personal experiences?

mrschristinalou · May 2013

Rude. You don't need to feel bad for your decisions. She can tell you all about your experience after you've been through yours.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Innocent personal experiences. But that's just me, I usually try not to take too many things like that to heart.

Liz4444 · May 2013

Innocent personal experiences. It's not as though you went in and said "I want a c section", it was medically necessary for your baby. She wasn't condemning you needing one, just saying how she was glad she was able to avoid it.

aehamilton13 · May 2013

Liz4444:
Innocent personal experiences. It's not as though you went in and said "I want a c section", it was medically necessary for your baby. She wasn't condemning you needing one, just saying how she was glad she was able to avoid it.

This.

hollandmama · May 2013

It all depends on the tone :S I am planning on going natural but I really try not to 'push' the idea on anyone, mostly because many times a cs is unavoidable... anyone can end up having one...

I would ignore her...

merc5411 · May 2013

Liz4444:
Innocent personal experiences. It's not as though you went in and said "I want a c section", it was medically necessary for your baby. She wasn't condemning you needing one, just saying how she was glad she was able to avoid it.

I agree.

sparkymcgeee · May 2013

Liz4444:
Innocent personal experiences. It's not as though you went in and said "I want a c section", it was medically necessary for your baby. She wasn't condemning you needing one, just saying how she was glad she was able to avoid it.

This.

It would still probably irk me but I don't think it was meant to be rude or inconsiderate. Just insensitive foot in mouth disease.

karirlaw · May 2013

Ummmm.... I don't think she meant to be rude. Insensitive? Yes.

Carrie3102 · May 2013

Liz4444:
Innocent personal experiences. It's not as though you went in and said "I want a c section", it was medically necessary for your baby. She wasn't condemning you needing one, just saying how she was glad she was able to avoid it.

Nailed it.

jackson290721 · May 2013

Liz4444:
Innocent personal experiences. It's not as though you went in and said "I want a c section", it was medically necessary for your baby. She wasn't condemning you needing one, just saying how she was glad she was able to avoid it.

Ditto

KikiCohen · May 2013

Honestly, I really think it depends on her tone/demeanor and how close of a friend she was. Her comments were definitely insensitive, but I hesitate to say rude. I would never say those things either. Some people just have no filter.

AllMyDucksInARow · May 2013

I don't think it was rude, just perhaps poorly worded. If she's a friend I'm sure she didn't mean to offend you.

BBBelly · May 2013

I also think it wasn't intended to be rude but that she was being insensitive. She also may not have known that you have feelings about it either way since your statement about trying for a VBAC but going with a CS if it doesn't work out could have sounded laid back.

see2211 · May 2013

I think that she was just relaying her experiences and probably didn't mean anything bad by it. I'm amazed by how many strangers and acquaintances tell me details of their pregnancy, birth or postpartum. I think a lot of women just like to talk to other women about their experiences, good or bad. Even though most of our stories are very different, it's something that we've all been through.

kathleen02 · May 2013

I don't know if it's that rude. Why shouldn't she be happy she avoided surgery? I know I would be. It's kind of weird she thought she wanted a CS before she even had a child but that's a moot point. Would it be bad if you were talking about another medical issue. Like getting a root canal? Or something where say you had to have surgery but something prevented her from having that same surgery? I think some vaginal/natural birthers can be opinionated to the point of annoying but rude is going a little farther than I would call it. I wasn't there though so I can't tell how her tone was (which makes a big difference).

je2161 · May 2013

Thanks for your feedback ladies. Yea, I think I agree with the majority that she wasn't intentionally trying to be nasty or rude. It was definitely 100% insensitive and I would never say that to someone under those circumstances, but I'll just move on and I won't hold it against her.

ETA: Also, of course she is happy that she avoided surgery, but that is not the point. I'm not saying she shouldn't be happy or relieved to have avoided a CS. But it is incredibly insensitive to express that to someone who in the same breath is discussing the real possibility of another CS.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

I think it's insensitive. My cousin just had her second CS on Monday and while she kept saying how much she wished she could deliver vaginally, my response was always, "Until a stork shows up and delivers our babies to our door steps, we're both screwed! Neither way is fun." No need to rub it in that I avoided a major surgery while she didn't.

luvmyducks · May 2013

I don't think they are rude. She's talking about her opinion and her experience.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

PrimRoseMama · May 2013

Liz4444:
Innocent personal experiences. It's not as though you went in and said "I want a c section", it was medically necessary for your baby. She wasn't condemning you needing one, just saying how she was glad she was able to avoid it.

Agree.

Is this rude? XP

Re: Is this rude? XP

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