weekends-who gets up?
smileybabyboy
member
Hello
I don't usually come to this board but I'm getting so angry with my DH. I'm a SAHM with an 8 month old. My DS is usually up before my DH gets up for work. I am always the one who gets up with DS during the week days even though DH could technically help out. The weekends is always an argument about who gets up. Sometimes we take turns, I get up saturday mornings with DS and he gets up sunday mornings. DH got up yesterday because I was upset that he wasn't getting up so we were both up and this morning I'm up and he is still sleeping. I don't feel like DH spends enough time with DS and I don't feel like I get much of a break even when DH is around. He wants a second child eventually which I think would cause even more arguments. What does everyone else do about DH getting up for work and the weekends? Thank you.
Re: weekends-who gets up?
I always got up - week days and weekends. I cannot say it was always ideal or that I didn't complain about it sometimes though. The main reason I always got up with them was because I cannot sleep through my kids making any sort of noise so I was up no matter what any way. If I had a rough night and needed more sleep I sometimes went to bed a little early and had DH put the kids to bed, so we tried to make it work.
If it is not working out then you need to have a talk with DH. It eventually gets better. My kids are 16 months and 3 and we no longer have wake up issues in our home. The kids are basically on our wake up schedule now- in fact DD sleeps in some days. Good luck!
I physically cannot sleep in - I wake up early every morning, weekday or weekend. Most days I am up before the kids. I always let H sleep in just because he can
When they were babies, he was always up and involved in overnight wake-ups even when I was nursing.
Everyone's responses about what works for them are going to be different. The point is, it needs to work for both you and your H, and it clearly is not. I definitely wouldn't entertain the idea of another until you work something out that is good for both of you. GL!
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
DH does on weekdays and weekends; he gets up around 6 anyways to get ready for work, watch the news, etc
On week days he wakens DS1 up around 7.15, I get up around 7.30 have breakfast with them and kiss them good bye; they're out around 8am. I leave everything ready for DS the night before. DD2 wakes up around 7.45-8.15
On weekends we are both up before the kids; if they wake up before us it's usually DH the one that gets up; anyhow, if they wake up during the night I usually get up with them
It's not a fairness or keeping score issue here, just what works for our family.
My little sidekick August 2010
Mr. Sunshine April 2012
DD1 7/10/08 DD2 8/11/10 DS 7/2/13
OP why are you mad? If he let you sleep I. Yesterday seems only fair he sleeps in today.
My husband travels most week days, but on the weekends we take turns. I don't always sleep in, but sometimes I just lay in bed and read for 30 min. or so until I get up. We don't really discuss who gets up when; it just happens to be fairly even.
Thankfully when the kids are up we both get up. Neither of us can sleep in anymore. However if DS for some reason gets up super early I'll let him hangout in our bed. Nobody sleeps but it's nice to just lay in bed. During the week it's the same.
In your situation I'd suggest to DH that he get up one day and you the other since you both like to sleep in. And, during the week you should get up with your DS. You can take a nap later if you're tired.
C 7.16.2008 | L 11.12.2010 | A 3.18.2013
I could of wrote this post myself! I always get up during the week, but on the weekend my DH trys to help....., I have calmly explained that I need help to stay positive and when my DH helps out, I thank him.
I am not good at sleeping (insomnia, etc.), so DH usually got up/gets up with kids. I am eternally grateful for him doing that! Anymore, though, DH, DS2 and I usually get up together bc DH has to leave for work by 8.
Your DH does sound jerky. Have you tried talking to him during a neutral time about how he needs step up? Especially if he wants more kids.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
DH gets up both days. He really doesn't see DS during the week though so it's their special time. They often go out for breakfast or donuts just the two of them. During the week it's all me with DS from wake up to bedtime so we both enjoy having it this way. I get a break in the morning and they get some quality time.
First, I don't think what anyone does will really help you. It's all about doing what works for your family. IMO it's perfectly reasonable to expect to at the very least trade off days, so I think you should sit down with your H and have a discussion. Just pick a day and stick to that day. If your H doesn't want to do it because he's been getting up all week for work (as if you haven't been getting up all week with a kid, but whatever
) then let him sleep in on Saturday and you get up and then you sleep in on Sunday. And each of you should be respectful to the other and no complain when it's your day or cause a problem. Let the other sleep!
As for us, on the weekends MH typically "gets up" with DS, but really I'm right behind. I don't really stay in bed and sleep. It's just more about he pops out of bed first to get DS and then I'm right behind. Now that we have two kids I'm usually tending to the baby and he takes the toddler. But we're all out of bed about the same time.
This is definitely something you two need to work out and come to a compromise on.
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I could be wrong, but I get the impression that they don't really have a specific arrangement worked out and her H only gets up when she makes a stink about it, which kind of negates the point of the other parent getting up so you can have some peace!
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I don't have to worry about MOTN wakings so much, ds sleeps in our bed so I don't have to get up to tend to him.
Right here in the OP:
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Just based on the way it's worded though, my gut reaction is that she expects him to get up on weekends but they've never really discussed it and agreed on a plan.
Ha, my gut reaction was that he's probably jerky. The folly of the written word. I think if she's bothered by it and it's an argument about him getting up on the weekends/spending time with the baby = jerky on his part. But yes, she should talk to him about it.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I do agree that if it's a constant argument then he is being jerky.
Right now on the week days ds is waking up around the time my DH gets up for work. He normally will help with him then so I can grab a quick shower.
Well, both of my kids sleep until 830 or as late as 10. DH leaves by 5 during the week, so we are all sleeping. On weekends he gets up w DS if he's not up already, I feed the baby if she wakes up early and give her to him, then go back to bed. In general, I enjoy sleeping in more than DH so he gets up.
You guys need to discuss what will work for you and try taking turns. Have you told your H he doesn't spend enough time w our son?
W : 01.11.13
#3 : due 11.02.15
I do, 90% of the time. I have a hard time sleeping in since DS was born though. DH works overnights half of the year and I don't expect him to be able to get up at 6:30am when he's used to going to bed at 8 in the morning, you know? When DH is working day shift I will occasionally ask him to get up on one of his days off with DS. It's important to me that DH gets enough sleep so that he performs well at his job and doesn't get burnt out. That's what works for our family, but it sounds like you and your H need to have a talk and make some compromises.
This is one of the great gifts DH has been giving me since the birth of our DD. On the weekends, he has been getting up, taking both kids, and letting me sleep. I am sure it will change when I am done nursing around the clock, but it is working for now. When it was just DS, we would bring him into bed with us and whoever got up first was the one to get up. It wasn't an issue.
I think the best solution is to alternate days. Just make sure it is said ahead of time.
This exactly! And btw your baby boy is ADORABLE!
DH and I both love to sleep and getting to "sleep in" (which used to mean noon, but since kids means like 8:30) so we've had a deal since DS was young...he gets up Saturdays, I get up Sundays...it worked beautifully and made us both happy.
However, since DD (now 4 months) was born, he gets up both days, because I'm up 2+ times a night feeding DD or trying to get her back to sleep, and he typically gets to sleep all night. I'm sure he's looking forward to her STTN more so that I get up again, but for now, I don't feel bad - I need sleep or I'll lose my mind.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
During the week, most days I get up while DH showers and gets ready for work. Occasionally, if the kids are up really early and I've had a rough night with Alex, our 9 month old (like this past week, he has croup), DH will let me go back to sleep and will take the boys downstairs for breakfast.
On the weekends, we alternate getting up while the other gets to sleep in.
DH gets up on Saturdays and I get up on Sundays with the kids. Works great. Took awhile for me to talk DH into it though!