Trouble TTC

How do I explain it? Got a little long.

First I want to say, I am not sure if this needs some sort of warning or not. I am about to talk about my uber-fertile SIL and some things my brother says to me about it.

About three or four months ago my brother mentioned that SIL was thinking about donating eggs. She would get paid a butt load of money for it and all that jazz. He knows what I am going through, I think. At the time it stung, but I brushed it off and moved on.

Last weekend I needed to get away from home and just relax, so I drove over to visit my brother and sister and to squish my sweet niece. Well, the fact that SIL went in for testing to see if she was a candidate for egg donation came up..as we were talking a little about my IF. He started bragging about how the docs were so amazed by her follicles and how she is going to be able to donate up to six times in her life because she is just that fertile. I felt like I was being kicked in the gut. I didn't know what to say or how to react so I just sat there in shock. We had just talked about where I am in the diagnosis process and then he thinks it's appropriate to mention how amazingly fertile SIL is. Then he said that if I wanted a baby that looked like his beautiful daughter SIL would just give me an egg. Because we know that my eggs are the problem? I just sat there. 

Since I got home I have just been dwelling on this. I feel like it was so incredibly insensitive to bring up to me at all, but especially during the conversation of my lack of fertility. I want to say something, but I don't know what or how to say it. I am not mad that she is fertile and I don't want it to come across that way. I just want him to understand what is and isn't appropriate to talk to me about. What would you say? Would  you bring it up now or wait until the next time he says something? 

 TTC#1 Since April 2011 
BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d 
BFP #2 10.1.13
EDD June 10, 2014
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Re: How do I explain it? Got a little long.

  • If it will bother you if it comes up again, I would mention it.  You could bring it up in a non-confrontational way... hey brother, I wanted to talk about something.  When I visited last weekend and you were talking about SIL being a donor, I kn

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    TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF
    Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs
    Feb 14: Gonal-f + IUI #5 = BFP! (EDD 11/4/14)
    Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!

  • imagerox825:
    If it will bother you if it comes up again, I would mention it.  You could bring it up in a non-confrontational w
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  • PP has a great suggestion on how to approach it with your brother.  I'm sorry that your brother was horribly insensitive and that you had to go through that.  
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    TTC since July 2011
    BFP #1: 2/15/12-Ectopic/Mtx at 6 wks

    BFP #2: 10/12/12-m/c at 5 wks. 
    BFP #3: 8/27/13
    Me: MTHFR, Low AMH (1.1), High NK cells and Antiphospholipid Antibodies.
    DH:MFI-Low morph (1%), DNA fragmentation: Excellent!
    5 rounds of clomid, 3 IUIs, and multiple non-medicated cycles- BFFN                                                      
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  • I'm not sure how I would handle that either, but I'm so sorry you had to sit through that!!! Why on earth would two people think that that would be OK to discuss with you at all, let alone right after discussing your IF.
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  • imagerox825:
    If it will bother you if it comes up again, I would mention it. nbsp;You could bring it up in a nonconfrontational way... h
     TTC#1 Since April 2011 
    BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d 
    BFP #2 10.1.13
    EDD June 10, 2014
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  • oh girl...I totally understand. I'm so sorry :( Wish I had words of advice, but just want to offer HUGS!

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    TTC #1 since 7/2011
    ME: 37  DH: 38
    SA-12/28/11-normal
    HSG-1/16/12-possible blocked left tube
    BFP#1---CP 7/9/12
    Hysteroscopy-8/9/12-blocked left tube for sure, proceeding with IUI#1
    IUI#1 (Gonal-F + trigger)=BFP#2 m/c @ 19w1d D&E 1/23/13
    IUI #2 (Gonal F + trigger)=BFP#3 EDD 1/6/14 TWINS!!!
    Identical girls born 11/17/13
    BFP#4 EDD 8/27/15 MMC at 7w6d

    BFP#5 m/c at 6w

    BFP#6 EDD 10/5/16  Going Strong!  It's a Girl!

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  • Sometimes I do not think that people in our intermediate families truly understand what could hurt when they speak of certain things. I am truly sorry that you had to sit through that. I probably would have started to cry and then walked out of the house.
  • imageNariaDreaming:
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    Tests: TSH (normal), Prolactin (normal), SA (abnormal)
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