September 2012 Moms

SIL vent (long)

Hey girls,

  So, we are going to Wisconsin on May 1st to visit DH's family and I am really not excited... I get along really well with my MIL, but my SIL is a total horror show and she drives me insane!  She thinks she is freakin Super Mom and honestly, she displays some of the worst parenting skills I have ever seen.  She has three kids and they are seriously the worst kids I have ever been around... the entire situation is such major chaos, and all she does is scream at the kids and call them names ALL THE TIME!  I know it's not their fault, they just have absolutely NO structure or guidance and so they act out constantly.  Their littlest child has Diabetes and instead of actually changing the way he eats and monitoring his sugars and food intake, they just let him eat whatever he wants and then up his doses of insulin because "it's just too hard to control him and what he eats", according to them.  (They even are potty training him by giving him candy bars!  Really, for a diabetic child?????)  he drs have warned them about this and told them that they are doing a disservice to their child and that he is extremely unhealthy, but they don't listen. 

  I know that she is going to criticize everything I do with my LO and I am just so not up for it...  She sent me a gift for my baby shower and straight up told me that she looked at my registry but didn't think that anything I had on it was appropriate or what I should use, so she just sent me a bunch of crap that SHE thought I should use that I didn't want!  Right down to the diaper cream she thought I should use!! GRRR!!)  When she came down to visit us after I had Jake, all she did was tell me what to do, boss me around, and judge everything I did as a new mom.  She thinks it's hilarious that he goes to bed at 7pm and has two naps a day... meanwhile, my child sttn and her kids don't sleep for crap and are always up until 11 or 12 every night!  We've already had a couple of arguments about what we are bringing with us because she wants us to use all the crap she has, but I am not comfortable with it. 

  She has an old play pen she thinks that our LO should sleep in and she doesn't want us to bring our PnP.  She also thinks we should use their old convertible car seat, but doesn't have the base that goes with it anymore so it can't be rear facing.  When I questioned her about this, she totally made fun of me and said that for a week, it didn't matter how LO sat in the car and that her kids all survived so ours would too.  I am really uncomfortable with the whole situation, but I don't know what to say to her about it... she already calls me "princess" and pokes fun at everything I do with my own child.  It's a sensitive issue between MH and I because he wants to defend me, but he also is trying to keep the peace between the whole family... but we just end up fighting about it because I don't feel like he backs me up with her and I end up being judged and criticized when we are all together. 

Anyway, any polite ways you think I can handle this or explain it to her without ruffling feathers?  I just feel much more comfortable using our own things even if we have to lug them all on the plane with us... but whenever I have tried to tell her that, she flies off the handle and thinks that I am calling her a bad mom because all of her kids used this stuff and were just fine.  What I really want to say is, "actually, no, your kids are not fine... you oldest ended up in the hospital with a broken collar bone from a car accident while she was using the car seat because it wasn't safe for her to be forward facing and it didn't fit right, so she went flying out of it... and your littlest one ended up with stiches in his cheek because the play pen has edges and screws that are not covered and cut his face too! So, no I don't want to use your crap because I don't think it's safe for my child!"... Ugh!  So frustrating!  I just don't want to fight with anyone, but I want to stand up for my child and do what is the safest for him! 

Sorry, I feel like this may not have made sense... hopefully u gals will understand and have some advice!  And, if you made it this far, you should give yourself a cookie! 

 

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Re: SIL vent (long)

  • Wow! It's nice that you don't want to upset her, but it seems she will be upset with whatever you say. I would maybe just say he is used to the pack n play and since his surroundings will be different you want him to feel comfortable in his bed? And tha
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  • I would just say that everyone has a different way of parenting. Neither is wrong, but you would like to do it your way. Be firm when you say something you want to get across.

     I on the other hand would not be that nice.

    By the way you


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  • I would stop talking with her about it and/or just "smile and nod" when it comes up, and then just bring your own stuff with you and more or less ignore the inevitable bitching when you get there.

    Hopefully your H will start backing you up a litt

  • Holy mackerel, I'm sorry you're about to deal with the stress of visiting her. Sounds like she's going to criticize no matter what you do. When it comes to safety issues, I refuse to negotiate. Bring your own stuff, don't even discuss it with her and just

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  • First off your DH needs to defend your parenting decisions. Jake is his son too. Second, I would tell her to go to hell. Put her in her place. She doesn't sound like a model parent and sure as heck not one I would take any sort of advice from. Stick to yo

     

     

  • I would probably just respond with "thanks for the offer, but we are all set."

    That sounds stressful!
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  • imageLoveLossHopeRepeat:

    I'm sorry if I'm stating the obvious, but... put your foot down?

    "Thank you for the offer of yo


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    Calvin Donald 8.27.14

  • I would stop discussing things with her.  If she starts to make fun of you for somethinig, walk away or hang up the phone.  Tel her you and your husband are making the right decisions for your family. 

     

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  • I have a friend like this...

    She laughed at me because I wouldn't put peanut butter on my finger and let my five month old taste it. She thought I was being ridiculous and kept trying to push me. Finally I was stern and told her no. She also ca

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    Cooper Edward

    9.25.12

  • imageLoveLossHopeRepeat:
    I'm sorry if I'm stating the obvious, but... put your foot down?"Thank you for the offer of your playpen, but w
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  • Well, I don't think I have a polite way of dealing with that. I'd tell her nicely once that we are happy to bring our own things to use and will be set.
    Poking fun at me? Yeah... I'd MAYBE tell her once that we are quite comfortable and confident t
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  • Burp again, apparently.

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  • imagejbBeans:

    I would stop talking with her about it and/or just "smile and nod" when it comes up, and then just bring your own stu

    *E 10/2012, H 7/2014, F 2/2016*
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  • Thanks ladies!! I don't like to confrontational, but I do feel the protective mama grizzly come out in me when it comes to my LO! I just needed some validation that I could whip it out, haha! I am going to calmly tell her that we are going to bring our ow
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  • What everyone else has said--do what you need to do, don't bring it up unless she does, and if she does, just graciously but firmly state your preference/decision.  You don't have to explain yourself or argue.  She sounds very difficult.  I
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  • imageauroraloo:

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  • Repeat after me: my child, my choice. And leave it at that.
  • I agree with the PP. I would say something like you want to keep his routine or environment the same and bring your own stuff.

    As far as the attitude problem in general, I'd sit down with DH and her and just agree to disagree about parenting

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