May 2013 Moms

MIL vent...long

So I really do like my MIL but recently I can't stand her. My baby shower this Sunday so my mom has been trying to plan the event with her. Everything my mom has said, my MIL went and did the opposite or what she wanted to do. She is making this into some glorified wedding. Tonight I found out that she hired a photographer who will be taking specific pictures that she requested and now she is placing people at certain tables. Not all of my friends know each other and it is going to be weird to place my aunt from my mom?s side of the family at the table with my step mother and my dad?s side of the family that is attending. She told my mom you make two tables with your list and I have my tables done already. (Ummm whatever happened to come in and sit where you want!!) My MIL has a lot more people then who my mother invited so we have no choice really on how my mom sits them and to top it off my mom was told where she was sitting. I think she forgot that my mother is paying a hefty penny too. I just don't understand what her issue is and why she can't hear what my mom is saying. Oh ya and my mom said to her I want to put balloons on the table as a center piece and she went out and purchased various center pieces and told my mom this is what we are putting and my mom put her foot down and it was almost like she didn't hear a word my mom had to say. She told my husband that if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be having a shower which is by far not true because my mom and sister started planning it.

All she keeps doing is spending money and getting made when I pick up a little thing here or there. I get why are you buying stuff, I purchased a lot of stuff and you will be getting a bunch of things. I literally looked at her and went umm really the onesie was $3.00 ? not that serious. She got pissed when my mom told her that my niece picked out the outfit for the baby to come home from the hospital in because she already purchased one without telling me. Ummm hello my niece is 6 and extremely excited let alone in my family the godmother buys the outfit and that would be my sister not her.

Ugggh and then she wanted us to take a photo in our underwear for our maternity pictures and I just thought it was awkward and uncomfortable so I did what I wanted to in the pictures without telling her and I got the I'm paying for them stuff and it would be nice. However when she saw the sample the photographer sent me she loved it. I wanted to be like I've been with your son for 6 years and I am pretty sure by now you should know I am not comfortable with certain things. Oh ya and since she is paying for them as a gift I could only imagine if I said I didn?t like the photo we took in our underwear that she would ask the photographer to print it anyway and she would show people or my luck it would be hanging in her living room.

Then the baby room - she paid for the furniture and I told her that I wanted to surprise her once we put the whole room together and she said no I will be putting the room together for you. Yes, nice that you offered to help but I would like to do it myself. (Mind you the furniture did not come in yet)

She also told me that she will be in the room when the baby is born. It was supposed to be just my husband and my sister and she ruined that one to that now it is just dad and I. My sister isn't really talking to me because she said I didn't stand up for her which is correct but I did with dad and he said well if your sister can be there so can my mom. He is a guy and doesn't get why I feel uncomfortable with just the thought of her being there. I can totally picture her taking the scissors when my doctor tries to hand them over to dad and cutting the umbilical cord for him.

The worst part is he doesn't say anything so I end up looking like the bad guy if I say something. He just keeps saying this is why I don't like to do things like this as a big family someone always feels some type of way while the other person feels differently. So now we have been fighting over all this dumb stuff and it is extremely frustrating.

I know I sound ungrateful but I really am not ? everything is just getting to me and I really don?t know how to handle it anymore. I don?t want to hurt her feelings but I think it is a little much lately.

Re: MIL vent...long

  • You do not sound ungrateful. This woman seems to think that she can buy her way across any boundary that exists. 

    It's going to get worse once the baby is here. If she doesn't adhere to your boundaries or wishes now, just wait.  

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  • Thanks! I have tried to talk to DH and all I get is she is excited what do you want me to do kill her joy because it bothers you. I don't know why he just doesn't want to say anything. It is very frustrating!

    Oh and the worst part is she sent out

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  • I get that she's excited and really, for your sake,I hope that its the route of all this (as opposed to being a spotlight stealer, undermining you, etc). 

    Maybe try talking to her? 

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  • I've tried but maybe not hard enough. When I tried to tell her how I felt about certain things I got I always wanted to have a little girl this is so much fun! It almost takes the joy out of me having my first child. She works ten minutes from my house

  • Sorry you have to deal with this-- I would stop accepting gifts if they only come with strings attached! A "gift" isn't really a gift if there are conditions!!
  • Very true...It was like the day we went furniture shopping after we ordered everything is when she said the thing about being in the delivery room. So yea I guess you can say it was like I paid for the furniture and now this is what I get to do since I pa
  • This sounds like a Lifetime Movie. And I'd know, I'm on bed rest. You don't sound ungrateful, you sound justified in your venting. I don't even have any advice, I just wanted you to know I cannot imagine your situation. Good luck!
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  • imagemiraclemarie:

    Thanks! I have tried to talk to DH and all I get is she is excited what do you want me to do kill her joy becaus

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  • I would pick and chose your battles with her. Give into the stuff that isn't as important, and stand up where you feel strongly. That way you aren't butting heads over every single thing. 

    The underwear thing is just weird. On so many levels

  • It's so weird - I didn't care not getting an invite to the shower but she knows I am a HUGE scrapbooker and love to keep things and that would be something I want our daughter to have with the pictures my friends and family would be taking (now photogr

  • imageKtrynReu:

    I would pick and chose your battles with her. Give into the stuff that isn't as important, and stand up where you fe

  • imageKtrynReu:
    imagemiraclemarie
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  • I've been on TB for a while and every time I see these posts I get seethingly angry. Its your baby, your body and your life. I'm mad for you that your DH used that argument my H tried to use that on me too and I told him I don't even like your mom whyT

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  • I agree with PPs who said don't accept gifts that come with strings attached.  I assume that you and your husband can support this baby with out MIL's help so if I were you, I'd be declining these big "gifts."  You'll feel less guilty saying no
  • imageKtrynReu:
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    TTC#2 5+ yrs Me: 44 yrs DH: 34 yrs DS born 8/2007 MC 11/2008 (natural) MC 5/2011 (IVF) MC 12/20011 (IVF) BFP 9/2012!! (DE) EDD 5/25/2013 BabyFruit Ticker
  • Sorry if this sounds too blunt or to the point or however it could sound. You NEED to set some boundaries now and get some respect for your voice. She is running all over you, I agree with PP that a gift isn't a gift if it comes with a bunch of strings. B
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  • imageKtrynReu:
    imagesrhcmt:

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  • Definitely pick and choose your arguments.  The coming home outfit?  Yeah, nobody will know what you end up bringing him home in until pictures come out.  Accept the gifts, then you and your H decide what to

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  • Ditto PPs -- stop accepting gifts or letting her pay for things whenever possible. I also suggest phasing her out of some of your daily life if you can, or at least not telling her things until they've already happened.  Get your mom on board with

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  • "I think OP wanting sis in the room is such a different argument. It's not "we both get to have someone in the room while you push a baby out of your crotch". It's more my sister is a source of comfort and possible experience that will calm me and

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  • I just have one point to make the only people in the delivery room should be the people YOU want and are comfortable with. That needs to be a stress free zone. As for all the other stuff, she sounds like she's just excited, although a bit overbearing so
  • I'm sorry that you are going through this.  I get that she is excited about her grandchild coming into the world, but that does not give her the right to step all over everyone else.  She is not the only family member that is looking forward

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  • imageTradeMama:
    Sorry you have to deal with this-- I would stop accepting gifts if they only come with strings attached! A "gift" i
  • Wow...so sorry. I always complain that my MIL doesn't do enough (or anything) but seeing this side, I would much rather her not really be apart of our lives then take over. So sorry also that your DH doesn't say anything. I think I would find that most fr
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  • imoanimoan member
    This is a husband problem.  Your MIL may be a giant pain in the azz... but your husband needs to ball up and tell his mother no.  Until he decides to do that, you're going to be dealing with this forever.
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  • imagenykkybaby:
    imageKtrynReu:</stro
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  • MmW36MmW36 member
    imagesugarmamma:

    You do not sound ungrateful. This woman seems to think that she can buy her way across any boundary that exists

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  • this woman sounds very controlling. You are NOT being ungrateful. As for the baby shower, it shouldn't concern you. Your mom should be the one standing up to her on that case.

    IMO, your DH needs to grow a backbone, a

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  • There is a lot that is too much here but your MIL stating she will be in the delivery room is really really too much.   Your husband seriously needs to have your back on this.  It is such a personal choice for you the mom who is giving birt
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  • I just can't believe how often I read on these boards about people insisting that they're going to be in the delivery room with you.  How can they demand that something like that, it's so inappropriate.  Or, more specifically, how can they po

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