This weekend was 1 year ago that we brought DS home. The weather was also similar. As DH & I were out to dinner, he made a comment about how he couldn't believe it had been 1 year already. All I could think about was how I felt when DS came home & the weeks & months after. Everything seemed so similar, and I got that awful feeling in my gut. I couldn't get the resentment towards DS at the time out of my head, the constant anxious feeling in my stomach, the no appetite, and the constant crying and panic I had. I hate that even a year later, it still haunts me. I hate that I've always wanted 3-4 kids, and now I'm not sure I want another because I'm terrified of it coming back. I remind myself that I got past it once, I can do it again. But oh, those days were miserable. I lost so much precious time w/ DS when he was just teeny tiny.
On a happy note! DS turned 1 last week and he's the coolest little dude I know. Makes me smile and/or giggle 700,000 times a day.
Re: PPD Flashbacks
My son will be 3 in August and I still experience this at times. We are going to try to get preggo next Spring (so another year) and I am already freaking out about it. I only want 2 children and it was hell with what I went through with my son, but I REFUSE TO LET PPD/PPA WIN! It will not rob me of having a second child. It takes time momma...things will get better, promise.
Mom to Carter (6), and Calianne (1).
Proud VBAC, natural birth, breastfeeding, cloth diapering momma!
Sounds a little like PTSD to me. I feel physically ill when I drive past the hospital where I had all my care during my pregnancy. DD has to have abdominal u/s every three months (she's had 2 so far) and both times we've been in the u/s room I've felt panicky and sick, since it reminded me of the bad experiences I had during all the u/s I had while pregnant.
I don't know how normal that is, but I think it's pretty common to have those kinds of flashbacks when thinking about pregnancy or when things trigger your memory of when you had PPD/PPA. I just deal with it by doing breathing exercises and trying to focus on my LO.
2004- DX with PCOS
6/2011- Gonal-F + Ganirelix + Oviderl and Crinone= BFP
7/7/2011 Beta #1 119 Beta #2 563 Beta#3 4178
http://tinypic.com/r/25z7709/8