A lot on my mind for next steps... *ticker warning and long

liz4paws · March 2013

I have had a lot swirling around in my head as the horrible events have unfolded before us in the last few weeks. What will our next steps be after the dust settles from this pending m/c?

We have one frozen donor embryo left. Its a Day 6 embryo that was originally frozen at Day 1, thawed and grown to Day 6 and frozen NOT using vitrification because this was back in 2005.

DH is very nervous about putting all of our stock into this single embryo especially given that double freezing can be harmful. I kind of agree with him.

We talked about trying to find more donor embryos, but it's not like you can just stop by the corner embryo store and pick some up. It's incredibly difficult to find them. I'm not even sure where I would start since these embryos found me.

I know that it might sound odd to want to do testing on the results of our m/c since the baby isn't of our genetics. But after a long discussion with DH, we decided we want to for a few reasons. If we can find out if the cause of the m/c was a chromosomal issue, I will feel more confident in my uterus to try again. If the embryo turned out to be great chromosomally, I'd be scared to try again with our single embryo. We initially didn't want to do this for fear of finding out the gender. However, we are changing our thoughts on a lot of things to do with avoiding our fears. We want to give this baby the respect as a human being that it deserves and our fear of the pain isn't right when we realize we owe it to the baby to be recognized for who he/she is. We may even name him/her.

And a thought hit me last night. A completely wild thought. Our donor Vicky was going to be a gestational carrier for another couple a couple of years ago but that couple learned they were pregnant. She had already gone through drawing up contracts, ordering meds, the whole shebang. She loved the idea of helping this couple and she loved being pregnant. It hit me - wouldn't that be incredible to have her carry this final embryo? Is that just crazy thinking or what? She already carried this embryos sibling to term. Hmm?

And I'm leaning toward looking into traditional adoption as well but DH isn't as warm to that idea because he's afraid of the birth mother taking our baby back after he/she being placed with us. This is a complete and valid concern and I share the concern too. But I guess I look at it as though anything could happen to any child. So I feel like a loss would be awful whether it were a birth mother or medical.

I just know I need some kind of a plan to move on and feel like there is hope for us after this.

Holy crap that was long. If anyone wants to weigh in on any of this, I would appreciate your advice or thoughts.

PS: I can't bear to take my ticker down until it's over over over. Again, it's back to this whole "giving this baby the respect it deserves as a person" in my head. I just can't bear to take it down. In case anyone was wondering why it was still up.

J&D2007 · March 2013

Oh, gosh. I have no suggestions or advice other than to not think too far ahead and let yourself heal. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is just awful. I don't know if a genetic test will help you much with your decision, as if its gen

liz4paws · March 2013

J&D2007:
Oh, gosh. I have no suggestions or advice other than to not think too far ahead and let yourself heal. I am

PrettyAccountant · March 2013

Oh sweetie - I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this and the emotions that come with it. I don't blame you for a second for wanting to give this baby the respect it deserves. I wouldn't put so much stock into the results of have the baby

megs3084 · March 2013

((hugs))

luvboston · March 2013

Liz I am so sorry for you! I have been in your position more than once and honestly have to say that you are making this much more difficult for yourself by waiting until next week. I know what it's like to want to hold out hope but it is more emotiona

Scoop77 · March 2013

In my opinion, testing can sometimes be more confusing than enlightening. Agreed with PA that a "normal" test result doesn't mean there weren't any issues with the embryo or that it would have thrived in someone else's uterus. And an "abnormal" test wo

liz4paws · March 2013

Thank you so much for your responses. It's going to give me a lot to think about. I am sure I'm going to flip flop with my decisions around throughout this process because I'm sure a lot of this is being swayed by my emotions right now, and not by my b

rockpaperlove · March 2013

I completely understand your reasons for waiting it out. I would do exactly the same thing in your position. I commend you on pressing forward making such conscious decisions and doing so with such grace. You are a wise woman and you and your DH will find

pbj1975 · March 2013

You are a STRONG woman. My heart hurts for you and your husband. I wish I could take this pain away from all of us. Whatever decision you make, I am sure it will be for the best. Hugs!

XV11Star · March 2013

... what PBJ and RPL have said. My heart goes out to you...

Lacyj67 · March 2013

So sorry Liz. Your original post you posted here I have had so many thoughts run through my head of the same scenarios. I myself have never been pregnant so I don't know how your dealing with the heartbreaking loss of a miscarriage but my heart hurts for