Innocent Bystander - A BF Debate
SLaBM2B
member
Last night my H and I went out to dinner w/ a group of his work buddies. Several of the wives and I were having a conversation about BF'ing. They asked me what my intentions were, and if I was going to FF or BF. I told them that I plan on BF'ing. Two of the women breastfed and were giving me tips and suggestions. One of the ladies then made a comment about not BF'ing past one year with either of her children, and she "didn't understand why some women choose to do so". Well the other lady said, "I BF'ed my daughter until she was 29 months, and the ONLY reason I weened that soon was because she started to bite me and leave marks" (I cant make this stuff up). Well, that's when all helll broke loose.
The lady who stopped at 12 months (her name is L) said that it seems sexual to do it for anything longer, and the lady who BF'ed for 29 months (her name is T) told her that she was mildly retarted to think that way. I just sat their and watched the drama unfold at that point b/c it got pretty tense, and ended with the husbands having to suggest it was time to leave (I didn't even get to eat dessert!!!).
So, here is the question that I refused to ask last night for fear of my head being bit off... What is the benefit of BF'ing longer than what a child would be on formula for and at when should you stop? I know there is a lot of debate in this topic, but I am genuinely curious. I plan on BF'ing for the first 12 months, but didn't really think to continue for any longer b/c that's when I would stop FF'ing... So, please, enlighten me.
Also, if you are planning on BF'ing, how long do you intend to do so and why?
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DS: BFP: 9/30/12 - EDD: 6/9/13
Radley Quinn was fashionably late via induction on 6/17/13
Re: Innocent Bystander - A BF Debate
The benefit is really just that BM is better for your kid. The longer they are drinking it the better.
It sounds like L has issues. There is nothing at all sexual about BF. I repeat, NOTHING. The fact that she even went there rather than just say they weened at 12 months and leave it at that is so weird to me. I just make it a rule not to hate on how anyone feeds their kid. BF, extended BF, formula, it doesn't matter as long as mom and baby are happy.
ETA: PS, sorry you missed dessert! That's a bummer.
I plan on nursing this little guy, but I don't know when I'll stop. I never nursed dd because of medications I had to be on, and she didn't get sick once, the entire time she was on formula. I stopped her cold turkey on her first birthday, and she never looked back! I know there truly is a lot of debate, but dd was super healthy even without being bf. I was sad that I couldn't, but glad it worked so well.
With a quick web search, I found this site that lays it out pretty simply:
https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/
Basically, by breastfeeding longer than a year, you're just maximizing on all the benefits for baby and mom that happen when you breastfeed for any length of time.
Personally, I breastfed my daughter until shortly after she turned two. She naturally weaned at that point, and it seemed to coincide with the time that I felt I needed to be done. Until then, though, we both really enjoyed the time spent nursing - it's time when the two of you are completely connected and in tune.
The World Health Organization actually recommends BF up to 2 years and beyond. You can get more information here if you are interested. https://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/
I BF until a little after 14 months but only stopped because my son weaned himself.
I do plan on breastfeeding up until 12 months. I cannot say whether or not I will change my mind when that point comes, but that is where I plan to be. Of course we make plans and god laughs at us!! At this point it looks like I will be pumping most of the time if I have to go back to work 6 weeks after baby is born. (we were planning on me staying home, but its not looking like that is going to work for us)...
You must have been so uncomfortable, I think I would have had to leave. but I would have gotten dessert or made DH stop and get ice cream or SOMETHING!!!
I think its a totally personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer here....I mean I was formula fed, along with my 4 siblings and I think we all turned out ok...no serial killers.....its just a personal decision, which is why people get so passionate about it
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can BF for at least 12 months. I think I will probably stop after that. Thanks pp on the link to the benefits of BFing longer than 12 months. I'll be returning to work at 10 weeks and I'm not sure I would be able to stretch past 12 months.
To the ladies who BF longer than 12 months were you a SAHM or working mom? If you worked was it tougher going past 12 months?
I breast fed DS to 16 months. At that point, he was just nursing first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The only reason why it stopped then was because we moved and he stayed at a friends house for the weekend. When he came back home, he showed no interest and I never got engorged so I don't know if my supply just dried up or what.
I hope to BF this LO just as long (or longer!)
Plus as far as continuing on past 1 year. DS didn't take to milk right away. He definitely preferred the breast milk at first. We would swap in a sippy of milk here and there but he primarily still drank breastmilk at that point. It took a month or so for him to actually want to drink cows milk.
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TTC Baby Rob #2 06/11 BFP 11/06/11 EDD 07/16/12 Natural M/C 11/25/11 @ 6w3d
Baby Rob #2 (Sloane), in our hearts always.
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I didn't BF much longer then 12 months since it was just 14, but I'll answer anyways. I was working and I pumped until about 14 months, my son was only nursing twice a day, morning and night and more often on the weekends. He weaned around the time I stopped pumping so I think my supply dropped enough that he just preferred the bottle.
Well the other lady said, "I BF'ed my daughter until she was 29 months, and the ONLY reason I weened that soon was because she started to bite me and leave marks" (I cant make this stuff up).
Well, that's true, this does happen. And it happens with babies who are younger than a year. It stings sometimes, but it's nbd. DD would do it, I would just have to unlatch her, tell her "no biting!" and put her back on.
told her that she was mildly retarted to think that way.
She just lost all respect from me for using the term "retarded" that way.
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All that aside, the World Health Organization says:
Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.
https://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/
https://www.who.int/features/qa/21/en/index.html
And here is an article from Kelly Mom talking about the benefits of giving breast milk (along with complimentary foods) past 1 year of age:
https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/
There's nothing wrong with giving your child cows milk (or almond, soy, etc) after one. These organizations are just pointing out that a child can continue to receive nutrients and benefits that are exclusive to breast milk past that age. I personally think it's great to breastfeed as long as you feel it's working for you. Whether that's 1 week or 1 year or 2 years.
I breastfed until DD was 11 months old. I returned to work at 9 months and tried to give her bottles but she refused and began to self-wean at that time. I would have preferred to nurse her for longer, but it just didn't work out that way, so nbd.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
All of this.
L definitely has her own issues to work through.
Also, I would have wanted some pop corn to watch that fight unfold.
had to change my sn
Miracle Baby #1 - March 2012
My (FTM) goal is 12 months, but I think I would like to go further if it works out!
As for the bold above: 100% agree. And my husband has taken to calling them "latchables" b/c "you know, it's JUST LIKE lunchables, but for all of LOs meals!"
Cracks me up every time and makes me feel less freaked out by the huge dark spots forming around them!!!!
Whoa... That sounds seriously intense.
I'm a FTM, so this is just my plan and I'm really hoping I can make it. Initially I said I want to BF for 6 months but now I'm aiming for 12. Everything I have read talks about the benefits to the child if you breastfeed for at least 12 months. Actually, most things say any amount of BF-ing is great, but 12 months was recommended in more than one book/source that I read. Who knows, I might go past 12 months. That's a decision I will make when I get there.
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DS weaned himself at 13 months, but I can say that if anything BF and pumping got easier as he got older, especially from a work perspective. I worked part time, but after 9-10ish months he was eating so many other foods that I was only nursing him morning and evening anyway. I stopped having to pump at work during the day by 10 months. The hardest part of going back to work was right at first when he was still only getting BM and I had to pump like crazy to make enough milk for my extremely hungry kiddo. Once we introduced solids at 6 months pumping was no big deal at work.
I feel the exact same way. Until I got pregnant, I never thought I would breastfeed. Now I at least want to give it a try. I'm hoping to make it 6 months. As of right now, I don't think I would feel comfortable going over 12 months, but that is a personal decision, I don't judge others who do go over and I think the comment that it is sexual is ridiculous. Since I have never done this before, I don't know how I will feel and I certainly hope no one judges me for going under or over 12 months. It's a very personal decision, something that I don't think needs to be argued about between friends (or anybody for that matter!)
As far as the original question, I'm a FTM and I plan to bf until 12 months. There's absolutely nothing wrong with going longer than that [and hey, maybe I will...never know], more power to mamas who can. That's just the goal I've set for myself.
Whoever thinks it's a sexual thing sounds creepy as all get out. Especially since she's nursed a child before. You'd think after she's experienced it, she'd know better.
There is no benefit of long term BF, EVERYTHING I have read and been told (even by LCs and LLLI members) is that there is no nutritional value after 2 years old. At that point it is simply personal preference, but your child will not actually benefit nutritionally from BM. Do I think it is sexual? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Do I think it is kind of weird... yes, BFing is for babies and toddlers not pre-schoolers. At that point (IMHO) it becomes a mother thing, SHE wants to continue BFing to prove a point/keep the connection with her child/doesn't want to let go... whatever the case may be, because it doesn't benefit the child and I truly believe long term BF is detrimental to a child's emotional and social development. *by long term I'm shooting more toward the 3yr age*
We stopped at 13months, M was EBF for almost 12 of those months. We had to supplement with pumping and formula for the first month. It was time for us to stop, she was drinking whole milk just fine and was only nursing occasionally when she woke up in the am and most (but not all) nights right before bed. As we started to cut back it became incredibly painful for me too, so that played a big factor in weaning. Now if she hadn't already self-weaned for the most part then I would have kept going a bit longer... but I had wanted to be done once DS came in June. With DS if he wants to nurse until he's 2 then I have no problem with that but I won't go much beyond that.
ETA: How you feed your child is your own business IMO and I would never tell someone they are wrong for doing something one way or another, but I would totally tell the one lady she was messed up for thinking BFing is sexual!! That's just disgusting and perverted.
Oh and I totally would have ordered dessert just to enjoy the "show" with lol
I started weaning DD at a year for a mix of reasons. She ended up dropping the last feeding herself at 14m and I wasn't ready for it, lol. It was sad to lose it.
I plan to BF this baby as long as she wants to up to 2y. That's the plan, at least. One of the reasons I started weaning DD was because my sex life was suffering during BFing. We'll see if we can break down that barrier this time while still BFing.
Lol!
I agree... my nipples are so disgusting looking, super dark and gigantic... I don't even let DH see them... seriously where I would normally walk around topless (after shower, while finding clothes, changing, etc.) I'm walking around clutching a towel/shirt/blanket over my chest hahaha I mean those things scare me!
With DD I only BF until about 10 months. I had a very difficult time producing and when I went to work pumping was very stressful for me. I was producing enough, until about 8 or 9 months and I just felt like there was a decline in my supply. I would have kept going as long as I could have but at 10 months we switched to formula for 2 months, then to whole milk at 1 year. DD had no problem with the transition to either. I am just hoping with this LO I can make it to 10 months again. If I make it longer than 12 months I will be OK with that. I do not feel that BF'ing after 12 months is sexual. And I would have asked for dessert even with the intense debate.
My goal with both my boys was always 12 months. DS2 is 30+ months and still BFing. It's not just a matter of nutrition as I cannot imagine I am producing much milk. More so the bond we have as mother and child. My son would be heartbroken if I told him he could no longer nurse. I am thrilled that he still wants me and we will continue nursing until he self weans.
Intentions are great but I truly believe it really depends on the individual child.
No it doesn't, but they've gained all they can really gain from it and at that point they shouldn't be BFing multiple times a day either when they should be receiving meals. The magic of BM ceases to exist, because the milk no longer adapts to their needs like it did throughout infancy, it freezes at its last nutritional level. They simply don't receive the amount of calories that their little bodies should be getting if they are being BFed throughout the day. Between their constant growth and crazy energy levels, they need the nutrition of WCM and full balanced meals... BM just doesn't measure up to that like it did in first year of their life.
Majority of moms I know that have BFed past 2yrs only nurse as a comfort (before bed, naps etc.)... which is good in terms of proper nutrition but it is also where IMO it crosses from beneficial for the child to unneeded and more beneficial for the mother.
Ha I know that when M and I finally stopped it was an awful feeling for me, and she couldn't have been phased by it... it would have been completely me not wanting to give up that one on one time before bed, not her needing it.
I have huge dark spots forming on mine too! WTF?
SURPRISE! BFP: 12/2014 - EDD: 8/13/15
We made plans and God laughed
DS: BFP: 9/30/12 - EDD: 6/9/13
Radley Quinn was fashionably late via induction on 6/17/13
I do not say this lightly: this entire paragraph is idiotic. When your baby turns 12 months, they don't magically turn into toddlers. And your milk doesn't magically lose nutritional value at 12 months either. Like it has an expiration date, lol.
I posted a link (and could easily find several studies and articles) that prove the opposite. Sure, there are people who disagree that it's necessary past a year, but I find it hard to believe that you couldn't find a SINGLE study, article, doctor or LC who disagreed with your first statement.
And it's really ignorant to say that BFing pst 12 months is only for the mother. I have nothing more to say about that.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
I think you skipped over the parts of the articles posted that said that breast milk should be given WITH food. You know, like how we give them a sippy of cows milk with their dinner? Same thing.
No one said you should be BFing exclusively past a year. I think anyone would say that isn't necessary (and it's unhealthy).
As far as your second paragraph, I'm not going to touch that.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
When I was pregnant with DS I was determine to nurse to 12 months but couldn't see myself going beyond that.
DS nursed for 27 months when I weaned him due to his latch becoming super painful. He was down to nursing only before bed and after 3 days of redirecting him to snuggling or reading instead of nursing, he was totally over it and never asked again.
Nursing is about nutrition, connection, and comfort for baby. Many people move to a toddler formula after 12 months to be sure their child has adequate nutrition. Generally children don't get enough of everything to completely round out their diet from table foods that early on so nursing or toddler formula helps fill in the gaps and give them the best start possible.
My guess is we'll nurse somewhere between 24 and 36 months this time. Again it will depend on my child's needs but also on my comfort. If it becomes super painful from a crappy latch or my lap just get too small to hold baby, we'll start working on weaning at our pace.
I do not have anything new or enlightening to add, but my original plan was plan to BF at least until 12 months. Now that I have researched more, I hope to go longer, until LO self-weans.
I do think that how you choose to feed your baby is a completely personal preference.
Yeah I'm with Drea. Anyone who thinks any mother BFs for their own benefit is idiotic. And that is complete fallacy that BM suddenly freezes at two years. They will continue to have something exponentially more beneficial and nutritious than cows milk for as long as they are bfing and the antibodies absolutely do not disappear at two. They receive antibodies until they stop getting breast milk. An immune system is not fully formed at two.
Everything you have said is straight up ignorance. Never will breast milk stop being the easiest to digest, most nutritionally dense food a child could consume. No where are moms advocating for 3 year olds to not be on solids, so your argument is just plain dumb.
And no, no child NEEDS cow's milk more than they NEED their mother's milk. I'm in complete disbelief that a bf mom could ever be so foolish and then spread such foolishness as though its fact, when it couldn't be more false.
had to change my sn
Miracle Baby #1 - March 2012