We have some friends (our Bible study leaders) who have struggled with infertility and recently made the decision to grow their family through adoption. We're probably going to announce our pregnancy at Bible study in the next few weeks. Would it be best to tell them privately beforehand? My husband is pretty good friends with the other husband, so I could just have him send a text like, "Hey, we have good news. Baby #2 is on the way. We're planning to tell the Bible study group next week, but we wanted to let you guys know first." I've never struggled with infertility, but I imagine it is extremely difficult, and I want to be sensitive to them (without being so over-sensitive it's condescending).
Thanks for your advice!
Re: How should we tell infertile friends we're expecting?
I think telling the husband first is okay, but I would try to do it in person if possible. And definitely tell them ahead of time, so they have time to process the news in private.
I've been on both sides of this situation, and it's always been easier, in person, in private.
I agree with pp. Do it in person. Over text IMO is kind of taking the easy way out. I believe if you are sincere about their feelings you can say it to their faces.
Whatever you do, do not say "We have good news!" Its heartbreaking when someone has struggled with IF and all they want is that same good news for themselves and cant have it. A friend of mine has been trying for almost 3 years and shes called crying about how much it hurts hearing it.
2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!, DS is now 3.5yrs!
TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP! DD is 1.5 yrs!
Surprise! 12/16/14 BFP, loss #2 12/31/14
I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
We have struggled with IF and I'm going to lean in the above post's direction. Hearing other couple's news, even when we were excited for them, was tough to react to. Having the chance to cope with their news in private was always easier than being put on the spot and having them watch your reaction.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Absolutely. All five of my best friends got pregnant within two months of each other last year. I received three emails, one phone call and one told me in person. I broke down on the phone with the friend who told me and will never forgive myself for it. The one who told me in person was incredibly difficult. We went to dinner afterward and I had to leave the table several times.
Email.
Give them time to process and deal with it by themselves. DO NOT announce it in a public way without giving them some heads up first. It will force them to "put on a happy face" and be quite a shock.
I would not do a phone call.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I disagree. Doing it in person makes them have to put on a smiley, happy face when all they want to do is cry. Seriously, bad advice IMHO.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I completely agree with this!
As someone who struggled with IF, don't tell them in person. I always felt that, no matter how hard I tried, my face gave me away when people told me in person. That, and although I was happy for anyone, I would really just want to cry. Give them time to process it, collect themselves, and then they can respond appropriately.
I'd email them several days before bible study to give them time to read it and come to terms, then announce.
this.
R&K married 4.15.11. TTC #1 since 7.11.12
BFP #1 9.9.12 EDD 5.21.13 c/p 9.12.12 at 4 weeks 1 day
BFP #2 10.15.12 EDD 6.28.13 c/p 10.19.12 at 4 weeks.
BFP #3 1.19.13 EDD 10.1.13 Eleanor born 10.7.13 at 40 weeks 6 days
13dpo hcg@32, progesterone@13.7, 15dpo hcg@110, 16dpo progesterone@25.9
My blog:Urban Times in Michigan ~ My Bfp Chart
Ok so it seems that most if not all the people the identified themselves as having IF issues...said tell before hand but in an e-mail or phone. One said think of them personally and decide if they would want to know in person or phone or e-mail...I did not have trouble but by sorting out this little poll I would tell them in an e-mail unless you are sure they would prefer the face to face approach. I am thinking something brief and to the point. like: We wanted to let you know that x and I are expecting in (month) and we are planning to announce to our Bible Study group on (day).