Working Moms
legalbeagle1
member
Does being a working mom affect the number of kids you want or have?
legalbeagle1
member
in Working Moms
Does being a working mom affect the number of kids you want or have?
DH and I just had our first and possibly only child. He is 3 mos and will be 4 mos by the time I go back to work. DH and I are both busy attorneys and I love my job. I know it will be a lot of work to do a great job at work and at home. I was wondering if any of you decided to have only one child or fewer children than you would "ideally" like just so you can keep a job you love and make sure your child or children get enough attention? Clearly we haven't made a final decision but my DH pretty strongly wants one child due to our jobs and high COL. I'm a bit more on the fence.
DH and I just had our first and possibly only child. He is 3 mos and will be 4 mos by the time I go back to work. DH and I are both busy attorneys and I love my job. I know it will be a lot of work to do a great job at work and at home. I was wondering if any of you decided to have only one child or fewer children than you would "ideally" like just so you can keep a job you love and make sure your child or children get enough attention? Clearly we haven't made a final decision but my DH pretty strongly wants one child due to our jobs and high COL. I'm a bit more on the fence.
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Re: Does being a working mom affect the number of kids you want or have?
Well nothing is set it stone for us yet....We just had our first 8months ago. We are on the fence between 2 and 3. My heart says 3 and my head says there is no way we could manage 3 with both of us working our current fulltime schedule(50+ hrs./week). However, reasons both time-wise and financial will impact our final decision.
DH recently took a new job and there is definitely room for him to increase his salary over the next few years. Right now I bring in 2/3 of our income, and DH brings in 1/3. If we could earn the same amount total with him earning 1/2 and me earning 1/2, but only working 30hrs/week that would be ideal. It would definitely make entertaining a 3rd more attractive to both of us.
The only thing that working might do is determine how far we space them. Currently we have 2. We can't afford 3 in daycare at the same time. So, if we have a 3rd it won't be until DD1 is in school.
Oh and I should add that we haven't decided if we will have 3, but if we do, we will be done after that.
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
No...I would not want a third even if I was not working. But my children don't sleep, so there is that.
In all seriousness, I don't think that for me SAH would equal more kids. I just don't see it, and we always only wanted two. So no, work itself is not an impediment, and if I did want more I could do it and still keep my job and still give everyone plenty of love and attention...but I am just done.
I was going to post something similar to this today!
Currently DD is 12.5 months. I go between wanting two and wanting three. In my heart I feel I could do three, and I would like it. However like one of the previous posters I need a lot of mommy down-time. I will also be very honest and say that although I'm not super duper materialistic, I do like nice things and I do like to spend money on frills (like haircuts and facials). While I appreciate that three kids would be fun I'm not sure that I could "treat" myself to the things I've worked hard to be able to afford if I had three (both because of limited time and money). It doesn't have so much to do with working as it does with maintaining my personal quality of life.
In my head, before we had DD I wanted three with 2 years between each. Now I feel like I'll have two 3 years apart. It changes all the time depending on my mood, the only constant is that I want DD to have a sibling and that I'm not TTC until at least June.
Both attorneys here as well! Yes it does. Its difficult balancing hte stress and demands of work with the time needed by children. I would love to have a second child, but I am worried about being able to meet the needs of two children on top of work. We are in the same spot as you - lets give it a few more months beforew e make any final decisions.
Absolutely. I have this crazy decision tree about whether or not we have a third baby. If I get promoted, If DH starts his company, If his company fails, If it succeeds, if my career falters, if I get to 39 years old, etc, etc.
Yes, it does. DH and I are pretty sure we are one and done.
When DS was around 6 months old, I remember telling my mom "I know I can be a really good working mom to one child. I don't know if I could be a really good working mom to more than one." I have colleagues with 3 kiddos and I admire them. I wouldn't be able to meet everyone's needs and still keep my sanity if I had another LO.
And then there are financial reasons as well. The cost of daycare is currently $1000/ mo. We'll be glad when we put that behind us, but there are the never ending expenses that pop up and I know those will get worse as DS gets older. I still want to have the freedom to focus on myself every now and then - by keeping my wardrobe updated, going on vacations, and living a generally comfortable lifestyle.
So 1 and done here. We're just all so happy right now that I don't see any reason to rock that boat.
MMC 3.30.16
We have three. I was done at two. DH begged. And begged. I am glad we have DS (he is an "ours" baby - second marriage for us both). If that were not the case I would have stopped at two and never looked back.
Three isn't that much different than two from a parenting logistics standpoint. One more bath....one more bedtime routine....one more set of laundry.....one more personality that you cannot imagine not having in your home....one more car seat to buckle.....I thought that it would be more demanding than it is.
I think it would be impossible if my children were not spaced though...9,5,almost 1. So their needs are very different, and they are all on slightly different schedules, which makes it easy to have time with each of them each day (not a ton, come on, but DS gets morning cuddles/nursing before the girls get up, both girls get their own time at bedtime and both get time to just read with me....the age differences way way helps).
Yes, absolutely. DH and I are both military officers with very busy careers. We're both super successful and getting high up there in rank at this point. I love my career and think more than one child would make it impossible. So I think we're one and done too.
I think we'll be able to give DD everything she needs and I will be able to keep my personal happiness as well. I don't think I'm cut out for more than one, to be honest.
I think I'm a really good mom, but part of that stems from me having my own life and a career that keeps me fulfilled and happy.
Working doesn't affect the number of kids for me, but the spacing.
If I didn't have to foot the daycare bill I would space my LO's a bit closer. We can swing three in daycare at a time but I don't want to do this for an extended period of time.
We want at least three and possibly four. If the thrid is another girl we will probably try again. If the third is a boy we may be done. I would like to continue working but may see what part time options are available down the road.
Not really, I'm home now and kids are still a lot of work! That said, though I have been saying we are done at 2, I find myself occasionally thinking of one more...
Before kids, DH wanted 3 and I 2 but after we had DD, we decided one more to see how it is before we conclude - as of now, no conclusion yet though I have a feeling he is done LOL.
This is our situation. DD is only our first but DH's job is already determinining when we plan to have out next. Our plan was 2-3 years between kids but DH is military and going for training and schooling this fall. He will only be home weekends, holidays and summers over the next 4 years until his courses are done; because of that, we're considering holding off longer than we planned so he's finished that before we continue. Also depending where we move and what happens after that, more road blocks may come up, but we still plan to have all the kids we always planned on.
It's impacted spacing moreso than number, my age has impacted the total number.
While I'd like to have 4+ kids, I also want to be done having babies by 35. Since I'm going to be 31 in a few months, and not currently pregnant, the math doesn't work lol. FWIW I don't think there's anything wrong with having kids past 35, but I am thinking long term, I'd like to have my kids grown and moving on to college by the time I'm in my 50s. We are thinking 3 is our limit, but we shall see.
I hesitate to get my heart set too firmly on any plans because life has a way of throwing us onto new paths.
No. Finances dictates whether we will have 3 kids or stop after 2.
I don't necessarily equate finances to me working because if I stayed home our budget would be even tighter. Even if DH made significantly more money, I would continue to work but we'd know that we could more comfortably afford more than 2 kids.
Yes and no. Our previous debts and the jobs we currently have factor into this too. I still owe a ton for school. While I am making a good income for my field, I still pay a significant amount in student loans. I should have spent more time in my youth paying them off. Oh well.
Daycare is a second mortgage for us, too. Because of my age, we don't want to wait until DD is in school to have another. I doubt we would be able to afford 2 in daycare.
Finally, every time I try to think about having another kid, my mind immediately wanders in a different direction. I'm not sure if it's the cost, logistics (DH travels about a week every other month, plus we live far away from family), our commutes, or me needing and wanting my personal time, but I am not sure if I/we really want another. The last thing that factors into this is that it took me a while to get pregnant and I felt like I did a lot to get and "keep" the pregnancy (fertility monitor, acupuncture). I've had 2 mc's and Dr.'s were concerned about my pg with DD. Emotionally, I am not sure I can handle another pg, but that really doesn't have anything to do with working...
Yes and no- like PP for us it's probably more daycare than anything. Even with DS starting kindy next year, he'll still have after school care and summer expense. And while we could probably eek it out, it's like taking a giant humongous financial step backwards in term of retirement. We're already way, way behind where we should be. DH went to law school late in life and is just barely getting his retirement savings started- at age 40. Still makes me cringe typing it. We both went to L-school and our loans are too huge to comprehend.
Beyond the financials, now that DS is almost school age I feel like we're coming out of a fog and both starting to enjoy work again. I can stay late when I need to instead of fighting with DH over who is going to work late (we have a system worked out). DS sleeps through the night so we aren't zombies and grouchy all the time. He gets sick much less often, which makes it less stressful when we're having busy times. We're both at the point where we're being considered for management positions, so it doesn't make sense to have more kids. I wouldn't be able to do both jobs well, that's for sure.
This. Exactly.
Being a working mom has nothing to do with my decision to stop at 2 children. My sanity and recognition of my limitations made that decision.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge: