Will I be a good mom?

gradmommy13 · January 2013

For the past few weeks I've been having this fear that that I won't be a good mom and I feel especially bummed out today for some reason. I've never had to take care of a newborn before and I'm afraid that I will do something wrong and hurt my baby. It's the little things that scare me the most, like giving the baby a bath, not knowing when and how much to feed her, not being able to make her feel better when she's crying or sick. I've also never had to change a cloth diaper before or freeze breast milk. I know those things might sound silly, but I'm just so afraid that I won't know how to be a good mom for my little girl

Sorry for the vent, ladies. I just had to share with someone

botanicalbliss · January 2013

I think all of us FTMs have that fear. It's a learning experience. Read up all you can, but don't take anything as a rule. Just do what works for you and your family. I think at some point, instinct kicks in, and you'll just do it because you have to. Take some classes and maybe get a support group of moms/family around you.

You'll be great : )

mytinc · January 2013

I think a lot of first time moms feel the same way. I'm trying to combat this by reseraching/reading up as much as I can on any topics that "scare" me before the baby gets here. I have a feeling I won't be able to do a lot of research once LO is here.

WifeyProverbs31 · January 2013

Ditto, PPs about first time moms. I feel nervous too. We are taking a newborn care class at our birth center. Do you have one available to you? Maybe it would help you with the basics.

Also, we hired a doula who will be present during the birth, but also who specializes in breast feeding. She will come over as often as we need to help ensure that he is latching well etc. Perhaps you can look into someone like that?

cecemama1 · January 2013

I know exactly how you feel! Newborn babies seem so fragile that even just putting a shirt over their heads or moving them around seems so scary to think about! I keep having dreams where I go out for the day and remember my baby is at home alone, or I look down and there is dried milk all over the baby's face and he can't get any in his mouth. It is terrible!

I have younger brothers that are about 10 years younger than me, so I was sort of there to help raise them, but I barely remember them as newborns, and I haven't changed a diaper in many years. Sometimes I think, who let me do this??? I am not trained or certified! Honestly, I think part of it is just that- you have to be specially trained to do basically anything in the world, but then you just get to have a baby and take it home! I'm thinking those newborn classes sound like an excellent idea!

MomlovesEloise · January 2013

botanicalbliss:
I think all of us FTMs have that fear. It's a learning experience. Read up all you can, but don't take anything as a rule. Just do what works for you and your family. I think at some point, instinct kicks in, and you'll just do it because you have to. Take some classes and maybe get a support group of moms/family around you.
You'll be great : )

This is great advice.

FWIW- I had never taken care of a baby before I had one. I had no idea what I was doing and I was absolutely terrified. You just ask for help when you need it, cry when you feel overwhelmed, and somewhere along the line, you'll find your groove.

fancefpp · January 2013

I felt the same way with DS. Some how it all falls into place. You will make little mistakes but nothing that will harm your baby. We learn as we go and that's ok. I'm still learning!! I find a toddler more challenging than a newborn.

Don't worry too much! You'll be a great mommy!

TheyCalledHerKate · January 2013

You'll be fine! Take an infant care class to learn what you need to

Lolalipsy · January 2013

As a FTM I feel nervous too. I've decided to sign up for a couple of classes to learn the basics so that I feel more confident.

I genuinely feel that everything will be fine though. Yes we may fumble around and be unsure for a short spell but then everything will fall into place.

AllieAGame · January 2013

I'm right there with you! I think this is a really normal feeling...which of course doesn't make it any easier to handle. I actually calmed down a lot after reading The Baby Whisperer- it made everything seem so doable (even though reality will be totally different than a book). Two thoughts helped me a lot: One, your baby communicates by crying, crying is the baby version of talking, and you can't attribute adult-crying emotions to a baby. AND Just because a baby is crying doesn't mean he/she is hungry.

I don't know why these two thoughts helped, but they really did. I hope you find something that clicks and makes this whole thing seem less scary.

gradmommy13 · January 2013

Thanks for all of the support and advice, ladies! I just found a newborn care class that's offered at a local hospital and I'm definitely going to sign up for that. Hopefully that'll help me calm down and gain some confidence.

It's just so scary to think that in less than 4 months my husband and I will be completely and totally responsible for every aspect of a new human being's life!!

KLJ3 · January 2013

AllieAGame:
I'm right there with you! I think this is a really normal feeling...which of course doesn'tnbsp; make it any easier to handle. I actually calmed down a lot after reading The Baby Whisperer it made everything seem so doable even though reality will be totally different than a book. Two thoughts helped me a lot: One, your baby communicates by crying, crying is the baby version of talking, and you can't attribute adultcrying emotions to a baby. AND Just because a baby is crying doesn't mean he/she is hungry. I don't know why these two thoughts helped, but they really did. I hope you find something that clicks and makes this whole thing seem less scary.nbsp;

I'm reading this too! I definitely agree that "reality" will be different from the book, and different for each and every one of us, but something about the way the book lays everything out just makes me feel a liiiiittle bit better.

Lolalipsy · January 2013

Faitheliza:
I'm scared too...of all of the things others have listed as well as the lack of sleep, the messiness that comes along with a baby, the potential for my relationship with my husband to deteriorate, having my dogs around the baby, having to go back to work and manage 5060 hours per week plus a household plus a baby, etc etc etc.

It's the juggling that worries me the most.

jerseygirl81 · January 2013

I wouldn't believe anyone who says that they DIDN'T have similar thoughts before they became a parent! I know I was freaked out about all of the same things mentioned by everyone here, and even as we were leaving the hospital as glad as I was to get back home I was still all "wait! what do you MEAN you're sending us home alone with this tiny baby?? WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!!"

And you know what? I STILL don't know what I'm doing, but I'm sure that I'm doing the best that I can. The fact that you're even worrying about it is a good sign that you're going to be a great mom. And you're in good company, as we all fumble through together

MomlovesEloise · January 2013

jerseygirl81:
I wouldn't believe anyone who says that they DIDN'T have similar thoughts before they became a parent! I know I was freaked out about all of the same things mentioned by everyone here, and even as we were leaving the hospital as glad as I was to get back home I was still all "wait! what do you MEAN you're sending us home alone with this tiny baby?? WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!!"
And you know what? I STILL don't know what I'm doing, but I'm sure that I'm doing the best that I can. The fact that you're even worrying about it is a good sign that you're going to be a great mom. And you're in good company, as we all fumble through together

You are wise. Because I seriously still have no idea what I'm doing!! How am I going to bring another kid into this world when I can't get the one I have to brush her teeth or stop asking me if she can go in time out?

Caring and working hard are the keys to being a good parent. And I always tell H "at least she'll have something to talk to her therapist about when she's older".

GoMaltby18 · January 2013

Ditto everyone who said they all felt this way (and still do!). Honestly, the classes and books and such are great, but there's really nothing that will prepare you for doing it on your own. And I think you'll be surprised when the time comes how when it's your kid you just do what seems right and it all kind of works out.

The secret is newborns really aren't that difficult. When it's your first sure it seems like everything is such a challenge and what if you screw it up??? But feed them, change them, keep them warm and you really can't mess it up too badly.

KLHunter2102 · January 2013

I am right there with you, I feel like I will never be prepared for this. We just moved across country away from family for work. I keep telling my DH that I feel like I wont know what to do or how to handle the baby. I also think about how I will never get a good nights rest after this, and life will never be the same. But I am excited at the same time. I know it will be hard and that there will be times that I will have a total melt down, but I cant wait for the good moments that are to come. I am so greatful to have a great group of friends out here that will be able to give me advice and show me what to do. I am also greatful for TB where I can talk to all of you awesome ladies!!

mitzidanny · January 2013

GradMommyToBe:
It's just so scary to think that in less than 4 months my husband and I will be completely and totally responsible for every aspect of a new human being's life!!

This is what scares me the most, I woke up two nights ago after dreaming of beautiful baby faces and freaked out, I woke my husband and asked him, do you realize that we'll be responsible for another human being? He of course said yes and I realized that I hadn't.... I'm the youngest of three and I've never had babie/children at home...

As others have said I'm sure it's a FTM thing... I just know I'll cry together with this baby countless times, I'll need my husband more thn ever and my mother, sister and MIL will he a great source of help and advice.... GL to all of us

wishuponastar1 · January 2013

I'm worried about this too. I can't remember the last time or if i've ever changed a diaper. We are going to take a newborn care class to hopefully ease my fears some.

Ana0927 · January 2013

I have a 4 year old and sometimes I still don't know what to do! I felt the same way when she was born and honestly you just learn as you go. Don't worry if you don't cloth diaper, breastfeed, or make your own baby food. You have to do what works best for you and your family. You will come across some moms that might make you feel gulity for not doing all those things but please don't let them get to you.

You are already a great mother and your motherly instincts will kick into gear once your baby is here.

SymphonyGirl · January 2013

For me, that feeling did not go away for a long time with my first child. He was a really fussy baby, with food allergies, reflux, and just a high maintenance temperament (while he's grown of the allergies and reflux, he's still pretty high maintenance). Because of that and my own inexperience, I felt like I was a terrible mom for a long time - it wasn't until kid #2 came along that I realized I felt like a pro and suddenly being a mom felt natural, not like something I had struggle to figure out. Sometimes things do go wrong, sometimes you can't make it better when they just won't stop crying, but that's OK. You do the best you can and you learn along the way. Most importantly, you know that you love your little one like crazy and that's what makes you a great mom!

mandy_marie · January 2013

I've been dealing with all the same fears. It seems like it's pretty normal to feel this way, though. The other girls seem to have lots of good advice. I've been trying to tell myself that even though I may not know what I'm doing, the baby would be helpless on it's own, so any comfort, support or care I can give it will be important. And from there it looks like parenting is one of those things that we'll learn along the way.

Will I be a good mom?

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