For the past few weeks I've been having this fear that that I won't be a good mom and I feel especially bummed out today for some reason. I've never had to take care of a newborn before and I'm afraid that I will do something wrong and hurt my baby. It's the little things that scare me the most, like giving the baby a bath, not knowing when and how much to feed her, not being able to make her feel better when she's crying or sick. I've also never had to change a cloth diaper before or freeze breast milk. I know those things might sound silly, but I'm just so afraid that I won't know how to be a good mom for my little girl
Sorry for the vent, ladies. I just had to share with someone
Re: Will I be a good mom?
I think all of us FTMs have that fear. It's a learning experience. Read up all you can, but don't take anything as a rule. Just do what works for you and your family. I think at some point, instinct kicks in, and you'll just do it because you have to. Take some classes and maybe get a support group of moms/family around you.
You'll be great : )
First Son - born 2013
Third Son - due June 9, 2018
Also, we hired a doula who will be present during the birth, but also who specializes in breast feeding. She will come over as often as we need to help ensure that he is latching well etc. Perhaps you can look into someone like that?
I know exactly how you feel! Newborn babies seem so fragile that even just putting a shirt over their heads or moving them around seems so scary to think about! I keep having dreams where I go out for the day and remember my baby is at home alone, or I look down and there is dried milk all over the baby's face and he can't get any in his mouth. It is terrible!
I have younger brothers that are about 10 years younger than me, so I was sort of there to help raise them, but I barely remember them as newborns, and I haven't changed a diaper in many years. Sometimes I think, who let me do this??? I am not trained or certified! Honestly, I think part of it is just that- you have to be specially trained to do basically anything in the world, but then you just get to have a baby and take it home! I'm thinking those newborn classes sound like an excellent idea!
This is great advice.
FWIW- I had never taken care of a baby before I had one. I had no idea what I was doing and I was absolutely terrified. You just ask for help when you need it, cry when you feel overwhelmed, and somewhere along the line, you'll find your groove.
I felt the same way with DS. Some how it all falls into place. You will make little mistakes but nothing that will harm your baby. We learn as we go and that's ok. I'm still learning!! I find a toddler more challenging than a newborn.
Don't worry too much! You'll be a great mommy!
I genuinely feel that everything will be fine though. Yes we may fumble around and be unsure for a short spell but then everything will fall into place.
I'm right there with you! I think this is a really normal feeling...which of course doesn't make it any easier to handle. I actually calmed down a lot after reading The Baby Whisperer- it made everything seem so doable (even though reality will be totally different than a book). Two thoughts helped me a lot: One, your baby communicates by crying, crying is the baby version of talking, and you can't attribute adult-crying emotions to a baby. AND Just because a baby is crying doesn't mean he/she is hungry.
I don't know why these two thoughts helped, but they really did. I hope you find something that clicks and makes this whole thing seem less scary.
Thanks for all of the support and advice, ladies! I just found a newborn care class that's offered at a local hospital and I'm definitely going to sign up for that. Hopefully that'll help me calm down and gain some confidence.
It's just so scary to think that in less than 4 months my husband and I will be completely and totally responsible for every aspect of a new human being's life!!
I'm reading this too! I definitely agree that "reality" will be different from the book, and different for each and every one of us, but something about the way the book lays everything out just makes me feel a liiiiittle bit better.
It's the juggling that worries me the most.
I wouldn't believe anyone who says that they DIDN'T have similar thoughts before they became a parent! I know I was freaked out about all of the same things mentioned by everyone here, and even as we were leaving the hospital as glad as I was to get back home I was still all "wait! what do you MEAN you're sending us home alone with this tiny baby?? WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!!"
And you know what? I STILL don't know what I'm doing, but I'm sure that I'm doing the best that I can. The fact that you're even worrying about it is a good sign that you're going to be a great mom. And you're in good company, as we all fumble through together
Emeline 5.28.13
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Post-Baby PRs
Esri 5K 7.16.2014 - 21:30
Heart Half Marathon 3.16.2014 - 1:43:30
Canton City Marathon 9.8.14 - 3:30:56
You are wise. Because I seriously still have no idea what I'm doing!! How am I going to bring another kid into this world when I can't get the one I have to brush her teeth or stop asking me if she can go in time out?
Caring and working hard are the keys to being a good parent. And I always tell H "at least she'll have something to talk to her therapist about when she's older".
Ditto everyone who said they all felt this way (and still do!). Honestly, the classes and books and such are great, but there's really nothing that will prepare you for doing it on your own. And I think you'll be surprised when the time comes how when it's your kid you just do what seems right and it all kind of works out.
The secret is newborns really aren't that difficult. When it's your first sure it seems like everything is such a challenge and what if you screw it up??? But feed them, change them, keep them warm and you really can't mess it up too badly.
This is what scares me the most, I woke up two nights ago after dreaming of beautiful baby faces and freaked out, I woke my husband and asked him, do you realize that we'll be responsible for another human being? He of course said yes and I realized that I hadn't.... I'm the youngest of three and I've never had babie/children at home...
As others have said I'm sure it's a FTM thing... I just know I'll cry together with this baby countless times, I'll need my husband more thn ever and my mother, sister and MIL will he a great source of help and advice.... GL to all of us
I have a 4 year old and sometimes I still don't know what to do! I felt the same way when she was born and honestly you just learn as you go. Don't worry if you don't cloth diaper, breastfeed, or make your own baby food. You have to do what works best for you and your family. You will come across some moms that might make you feel gulity for not doing all those things but please don't let them get to you.
You are already a great mother and your motherly instincts will kick into gear once your baby is here.