First, I feel numb, I can barely cry. I feel sad and dissappointed.
When I think about trying again, I feel so mixed. I have a wonderful DD. It took almost a year to conceive her and 18 months to conceive this one.
Now, I just wonder if its better for me to stop trying.
Its probably too soon to be contemplating all of these what-ifs but no matter how much I try to distract myself and focus on DD or my job, I keep dwelling on this loss and how this may be it for us.
Re: Am I the only one that feels this way?
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know exactly how you feel, with things so fresh it's hard to imagine trying again, or ever not feeling so scared and confused. Even when we first made the decision to TTC I had mixed feelings, I was already 18 years past having my first and she's wonderful and perfect, and I questioned whether or not I should be tempting fate by trying for another especially at my age. And now with this loss I just feel even more terrified. It's so hard. You're definitely not the only one feeling this way!
Married August 2012. Me: 41 DH: 42
Daughter from previous marriage: 20
BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014
TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014
TTCAL BLOG
All ALers welcome!
I am so sorry for your loss, I too am missing my right tube, but not due to ectopic. I agree this is a painful and scary process. I love my daughter and I don't want her to think she isn't enough for me, she is. Its just that I can see her with a sibling and it kills me that I can't easily make that happen.
This is for all the caterpillars that never became butterflies. And for all the butterflies that never felt the wind in their wings. And for all the hearts that had hopes and dreams of a wondrous flight together.
Diagnosed with PCOS
TTC Since 2009
July 2011- IUI #1 BPN (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
Aug 2011- IUI Cancelled (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
Sept 2011- IUI Cancelled (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
Oct 2011- IUI Cancelled (Clomid, Ovidrel, Crinone)
Nov 2011- IUI #2 BPN (Femara, Ovidrel, Crinone)
Took a break and then found a new RE
Oct 2012- IUI #3 BPN (Follistim, Ovidrel, Crinone)
Nov 2012- IUI #4 (Follistim, Ovidrel, Crinone)
BFP on November 29th
Pregnancy was ectopic and terminated on December 8th
I feel the exact same way. I have a perfect DD and she is the center of my world and I would love more than anything to give her a sibling but with this MC being number 3 for me I am seriously contemplating if I should continue to try. Each one seems to be a little longer pregnancy than the last but I don't know how many more times I can continue this heartbreak. Will it get to a point that I keep trying and with each try I get more numb to the fact that I am pregnant because I know it will not last? I don't want to feel that way. I want it to be a happy experience like my DD was and I just don't know if it will be now.
On the other had I feel like a failure if I quit. I feel like a failure that I cant carry another child. So I am torn on how to proceed. You are definitely not along. I am so sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))
Mommy to baby J - 09/2009 - My perfect little princess.
TTC#2
BFP 10/14/11 - MC 10/21/11 @ 4w3d
BFP 01/23/12 - MC 02/05/12 @ 5w2d
BFP 12/21/12 - D&C 02/07/13 @ 10w2d 02/27/13 - MTHFR
My Blog:Two Moms and a Journey
My Chart
I am so sorry for your losses. I too can relate to feeling like a failure if I quit. Hugs
Mommy to baby J - 09/2009 - My perfect little princess.
TTC#2
BFP 10/14/11 - MC 10/21/11 @ 4w3d
BFP 01/23/12 - MC 02/05/12 @ 5w2d
BFP 12/21/12 - D&C 02/07/13 @ 10w2d 02/27/13 - MTHFR
My Blog:Two Moms and a Journey
My Chart
I understand the feeling numb part. I hope time can heal all our broken hearts and that we all find luck in trying again. Hugs to you.