This evening I was pulling out my friend's shower invite and out falls a little insert that I didn't see originally saying in a "cute" way that I should consider bring a book instead of a card.
I already went out and bought the gift, and spent the full amount of my budget. And now I feel obligated to buy a book. I get that it says "consider," but I don't want to be the only one who didn't participate in this little activity and feel odd. So, even though I generally only spend about a buck on a card, I'm going to go find a "favorite children's book." I could go to the dollar bin, but that will make me look cheap. So I'm going to go shell out ten bucks to get a nice, good quality book. So, thanks lovely hostess, for giving me this "fun" option.
To all the ladies who think a book instead of a card is brilliant - it's not. I don't appreciate being told what I should "consider" bringing. If mom wants books she can register for them and I can buy them as part of the gift budget I have.
Re: Book Instead of a Card
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
Yeah I agree with PP. Just do what you have planned and get a regular card. If you are the only one who brought a card, that's ok. No need to be embarassed.
You are right. Shower hostesses and MTBs need to remember that doing the book thing can put their guests in an awkward position.
I agree with both pps. If someone notices you didn't bring a book just say you didn't see the request (which you didn't). I'm sure there will be others that give a card. I never give a gift without a card (even if a book is requested and I comply with that "demand") because I refuse to deface a book by writing in it.
BTW...I certainly understand about your gift budget. I deduct the amount of the book from the amount I can spend on the actual gift.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Because it's totally the responsibility of the guests to build this grand library for someone's kid.
It's tacky and gift-grabby to hit your friends up for more stuff. Let them decide what they want to bring. It's not like the concept of reading and books is something new...
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yes! This! The people who are going to sideeye me bc I didn't bring a book, are also the same people who think it's OK to tell me how to spend my money. And I REALLY don't want to appease THAT person.
Thank you! Those books actually look nice, so thanks for the idea.
Again, those of you that think book instead of a card thing is brilliant - TAKE NOTE - many guests, such as myself, do not feel like this is a choice. They feel obligated. Even with several others telling them not to worry about it.
The people who think it's a brilliant idea usually say somewhere in their post, 'we did it at my shower and everyone loved it'.
I wouldn't worry about picking up a book at this point. I am sure that there will be others who will not be bringing a book!
The dollar section at Target always has board books. I always stop and see if there is one that DD doesn't have. I like them because they keep her entertained while I shop. They are great because DD also tends to destroy them and its no big deal.
But I would never use one of those as a gift to someone. They are cheap and they look cheap.
As others have said, just skip the book. As a guest, I don't pay too much attention to what the other guests bring. I only really care about the guest of honor opening my present.
As a a guest, I really never had a problem with the book instead of a card deal, but I am glad I did not do this for my shower. I can see why this would pose a problem for the guests. I do not feel comfortable or right asking for something else in addition to a shower gift.
I hear what you are saying, especially if the request says yoru favorite childhood book. Like anyone is going to believe " Elmo goes to the store " is my favorite book.
FWIW, I got a lot of books at my shower and all I did was register for books.
People could see I wanted books, so they got me books. Simple as that.
BFP 4/18/12, M/C 4/27/12 at 6w6d
BFP 7/1/12 - Counting down to our little girl, EDD 3/8/13
I'll rephrase for you. At the showers I have been to, guests tend to all watch the mom open her gifts. The mom tends to say things like "oh, Jane got me Goodnight Moon and a pack of diapers." Shockingly, guests tend to get a sense of who gave what. I can't tell you who would care about whether other guests got books, but as someone who didn't, I did notice that the majority of guests did give books.
Yeah. I guess the idea is that you'd buy a cheap $1 book instead of a card.
But I HATE this trend. I hate it so much. It infuriates me.
If I'm ever invited to one of these, I've just decided, that I will write a book myself, and it will be SNARKY! A kid's book about pretentious shower hosts!
It really is! I don't get why people make it so much more complicated than it should be. And I agree with the PPs about the level of entitlement.
I read a lot, my husband reads a lot, we hope that our future kids will read a lot.
Ergo we will register for books.
We will NOT ask that our guests get us double gifts, because that's what asking for a book instead of a card is, essentially. I went to one shower that did that, and it was very annoying. Like, "Oh, I know you are already getting me a gift, but would you also get me a book, because just a gift doesn't quite cut it."
With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere. - C.S.Lewis
IDK why you are getting your panties is a bunch over this. Its not like bringing a book is your admission to the shower. So you didn't get a book, BFD!
The way I see it, a card is going in the trash tomorrow, the book is going to be around for a while, and you will be thought of every time the book is read. And for those who don't want to deface a book, add a sticky note... no harm, no foul.
JMO.
WHAT???? I always take time to pick out a really thoughtful card and write something heartfelt inside. I don't keep every card I receive, but the ones that are really thoughtful, I definitely keep. My mom still has all of her cards from her shower for me, and I LOVE looking through them. I kept all of the cards from Sabrina's shower, and I guarantee they'll be a nice memento for when she's older. Books get destroyed by kids, and they take up more room than simple cards. I think it's appalling that you throw cards away the next day...and so flippantly at that.
Oh and the whole point of the debate is that people shouldn't be told how to spend their money. Again, it's not like books and reading are a new concept.
This. My mom kept all of the cards from my baby shower. I had no idea until I was pregnant and she gave me a storage bin with things from when I was a baby, including the cards.
I still giggle when I think of the one girl who talked about how this is a good idea since she and her friends are "readers". (Yeah, that's the reason we don't like it. Obviously if we were readers we'd think it was a fabulous idea.)
The OP's excellent description of an awkward day-before-the-shower moment is the exact reason we don't like the whole idea of requesting a book.
Exactly! I had no idea my hostesses were doing this for my upcoming shower. It's a nice idea but hey, if someone gets a card instead of a book I couldn't care less. I understand many people (including myself) are on a budget these days. I know the financial situations of most of my friends that were invited. If someone doesn't want to bring a book, who cares? If I really really wanted a certain book I'd have put it on the registry. It will mean more to me that my guests took the time to show up and celebrate the upcoming arrival with me. That is also why I have items on my registry ranging from $2.00-$200.00...because I know my immediate family is going to snap up all the super expensive stuff...which there wasn't much of as we bought crib/stroller/car seat/etc ourselves as I felt it was presumptuous to ask others to fork out huge amounts of money for a baby SO and I decided to have.
I also agree with the previous poster about cards ending up in the trash. I've read your card and I got the message. But I really don't have room to store tons of cards from every occaison for who knows how long. Besides that, I'm a minimalist and despise clutter. To me, cards would be clutter and I'd feel like a hoarder for keeping them around for years. But that's just me.
Exactly. besised wrapping paper will end up in the trash as well. Does that mean we need to start wrapping the gifts in baby blankets ?