About to have DD#2, put DD#1 in MDO or wait til flu season is over?

jolibebe · January 2013

We started DD1 in MDO last week. It's for 2x/wk from 9-2. Although I only let her stay til 12:30 to transition her. She got very, very sick. We ended up in the ER 2x, of course were during wee hours of the morning. At the pedi 2x and were sent to lab for blood work last week. Needless to say it was a nightmare. Symptoms were flu like but negative for flu. Dr.'s think it's a super bad viral infection DD caught, possibly from MDO or from errands out in public I was running with DD...who knows. I am 4w away from a scheduled C/S. The dr.s advised that since I'm a SAHM and DD is not really used to MDO or preschool to withdraw her and wait until next fall. The thing is, DD is super attached to me and never lets go of me...until MDO. She surprisingly transitioned wonderfully without problems. I wanted her to start when she's 3, but with the new baby coming and no help from family (all out of state) and no friends to help, I thought this would also help me to have some bonding time with DD2 and not feel guilty a couple of days a week since I will not be able to juggle DD1 the way I have before. Also, this would be something just for DD1, without feeling like everything in her world revolves around the baby. The dr.'s think it's impossible for DD1 not to get sick in that enviornment and if she got severly sick, it could be really bad for the newborn. It could potentially put the newborn in the hospital, esp. since she won't have her first set of shots for a couple of months. I have no help and DH has to work. The week before was a nightmare and I can't imagine having to go through that with a newborn and no one to help us out. But, I'm so torn on what to do. A couple of people say you can't put your kids in a bubble so to keep moving forward and send DD1 back to MDO next week once she's fully recovered. I need some advice from Mom's who've either been in my situation or are contemplating a similar decision. WWYD?

TIA!

wedsept · January 2013

I work full-time, but I was on maternity leave for 5 months. With LO1, I put her in daycare 3X a week all day when I went back to work when LO2 was 5 months old. I am glad that I didn't put her in daycare until LO2 was 5 months old because LO1 has been sick nonstop (not exaggerating, she has maybe not been sick for 2 days) since October 1. She is sick again now. She has also gotten LO2 sick several times too. She has also gotten me and my DH sick. I didn't want to expose my LO2 to being sick before he got his second round of shots.

My LO2 even got pink eye from LO1, which she got from daycare. Imagine putting eye drops in the yes of an infant. It was difficult.

Given my experience, if I had to do it over again, I would have waited until LO2 was 7 months old (2nd round of flu shots) before I put LO1 in daycare.

I agree they can't live in a bubble forever. However, not living in a bubble doesn't equate to going to daycare.

Halen0804 · January 2013

Are you open to an in-home daycare? I also don't have family around. DD's been in an in-home day care since 3 months old. She participates in activities like gymnastics and swimming lessons to have more exposure to other kids. The only time DD has really gotten sick was when she was in gymnastics. I would look into an in-home day care provider to give you some help especially with baby #2 on the way. A lot of them do p/t care and your LO1 will experience the positive away time from you. Check www.sittercity.com or www.care.com

Would any of your mommy friends or neighbors know someone who does in home day care? Our neighbor recommended our DCP, whcih helped us feel more comfortable choosing her.

lite-bright · January 2013

I'd keep her home as much as possible, frankly.

But I'm biased, b/c my six-week old nephew is in the ICU right now with RSV that he got from his 16-month-old sister still occasionally going to daycare while my sister is home on maternity leave. Big sis got sniffles, baby is in the hospital on oxygen with a feeding tube. He's doing better today, and may be out of the hospital by Friday, but man, it's nothing to mess with if you can possibly avoid it.

It's such a bad season for sickness, and the little ones are just so vulnerable for the first few months. That's not living in a bubble, that's minimizing reasonable risk for a temporary period when both you & your newborn have impaired immune systems.

acaudill75 · January 2013

I will give the opposite side of the coin, which I seem to do often around here. Both DDs started DC at 8 wks. I had no choice. I was on bedrest for 4-5 weeks with both of them and had to go back to work and starting making some money. Both girls came down with RSV at four months, and we were in the ER with DD1 because the albuterol made her so jittery, we thought something was wrong with her (crying for four hours straight, which she never did). They have had ear infections, coughs, pink eye, you name it. DD1 got sent home with a fever the day I brough DD2 home from her second visit to the hospital for being dangerously jaundiced at 4 days. She was 7 days old. Of course I was nervous, but we kept the girls apart, and nothing happened. I guess I see it all as part of growing up? The illnesses have lessened as time goes on, and they are both happy and very social children. Sure, its been tough at times, but even when I was at home with DD2 on maternity leave, I couldn't have handled both girls. It would have been too much. And kids can get sick even when they aren't in school.

BelhurstBride · January 2013

My mom stuck me in preschool before 2 in order to have a break with my little sister. (17 months younger than I). She said it lasted for 3 months before she pulled me back out again because either I was always sick or I was getting my sister sick. In her opinion, 2u2 was a big enough of a PITA to be dealing with sickness on top of it.

But, despite my mother's take on the matter I'm going to try to stick DD in preschool next fall. (2x a week, just in the mornings.) I have many of the same feelings as you, guilt over 1:1 time with the new baby, giving DD1 something that's new and exciting and just for her, a slight break for myself...

If it sucks, I'll pull her back out. That said, I don't know what I'd do in the midst of a major flu outbreak...

jolibebe · January 2013

Thanks everyone for giving me good food for thought. I need to go over everyone's responses with DH so we can make a decision. I have to let my DD's MDO director know by tomorrow. If it wasn't a high flu season, I'd try to stick it out. But being that everyone seems to have strep and the flu is really bad everywhere, we have to think very carefully about this decision. Thank you!

meganandchase · January 2013

When I had DD, DS stayed home with me for one month and then went back to daycare full time. It gave me time to bond with DD, allowed me to try to sleep some to cope with middle of the night feedings, and was better for DS, in my opinion. He learns a lot in daycare, and when you have a newborn, you really don't have the time/energy to teach a toddler. Both of my kids were sick for the whole first winter of their lives. Colds, ear infections, bronchiolitis, you name it. If I were you, I'd send DD1 to MDO. It's good for both of you.

twirlyjack73 · January 2013

I would hire a nanny at least until the spring even if it put me into debt. & that is actually pretty much what i'm doing, tho LO#1 is in preschool 2 mornings a week, i'm still hiring a p/t nanny to help the other 3 days p/t. Tho my situation is a little different as he's been at gymcare or preschool for 1.5 years-he still gets sick about once a month, more like every 2-3 weeks in the beginning. i ran my ad on sittercity & fully half the responses were from moms who wanted to bring their kid. you could offer a discounted rate for moms who wanted to bring their kid, like half, i know that if you brought you child to a house it'd cost half of what it does for private babysitting. good luck, i feel you & i'm also super cautious about everyone getting sick, what a major pita. the only reason i put up with it now is b/c the dr says better now than in elementary when they'll miss school, but yours is a different situation with a newborn & no prior schooling for #2. hang in there you'll be ok no matter what.

Angela814 · January 2013

Both my DDs were in daycare since 3 months. The first two fall/winter seasons they were sick all.the.time. It was basically just a continuous cold through those months. DD1 is now 6.5 yrs and very rarely gets sick. DD2 is 2.5 yrs and has been sick 23 times this winter. I now SAH with her, but she is in preschool twice a week.

I would expect that your DD will continue to get sick in MDO since its her first time in a group setting. She might just get a few colds, or she might pick up something worse. It's really up to you if it's worth it to keep her in MDO this winter or maybe try to wait until spring. I agree that you can't keep your child in a bubble all the time, but the benefit to having her in activities might not be worth risking either.

About to have DD#2, put DD#1 in MDO or wait til flu season is over?

Re: About to have DD#2, put DD#1 in MDO or wait til flu season is over?

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