groan It's not that hard.

dande2129 · January 2013

FI's mom won't stop calling FI about our request that our families get the Tdap, if the haven't had a booster within the last 10 years. My family didn't have a problem with this request, so I'm not sure why his family is putting up so much of a fight.

She then is justifying his family that we see every Saturday shouldn't all have to get the Tdap because "not everyone will be holding him." Okay, that's fine by me, but just because someone isn't holding the baby doesn't mean that they can't spread the illness.

She is making me want to rip my effing hair out. Either get the vaccine, or don't be around the baby; it's not that difficult. I know that she was resisting and saying something about how I was overly paranoid on the phone with him. Yeah, I don't really care. I'd rather be overly paranoid than my infant end up in the ICU, or even die.

Am I off my rocker or is my request legit?

PrimRoseMama · January 2013

Legit.

pinottoparenthood · January 2013

dande2129:
Either get the vaccine, or don't be around the baby; it's not that difficult. I know that she was resisting and saying something about how I was overly paranoid on the phone with him. Yeah, I don't really care. I'd rather be overly paranoid than my infant end up in the ICU, or even die.

This exactly. They can decide if they want the baby to be around or not. You are the mother and well within your rights to try to protect your child's health. I'm sorry, but if they're not willing to get one little shot.... c'mon.

cocoatdy · January 2013

I'm with you completely, my husband and I put in the same rule and are getting push back from some people. We also extended it to needing the flu shot at least 2 weeks before they visit. It's our jobs as parents to protect our children, not look after our friends and families feelings.

I got really great advice that has helped though: "Mom's asking for others to bend to their will are just being helicopter parents, Dad's asking for the same thing are being cute and protective".

While it sounds outrageous, and shouldn't be this way, Dad's can get away with asking for more when it comes to their children. Make your husband do it. Is he on board with the TDAP?

sthomas1222 · January 2013

I had the same fight with my dad. He's a big conspiracy theorist. I told him "Fine don't get it but you won't be holding your granddaughter if you don't have it. And that's that." He got it this past Friday...

dande2129 · January 2013

cocoatdy:
I got really great advice that has helped though: "Mom's asking for others to bend to their will are just being helicopter parents, Dad's asking for the same thing are being cute and protective".

While it sounds outrageous, and shouldn't be this way, Dad's can get away with asking for more when it comes to their children. Make your husband do it. Is he on board with the TDAP?

You know, I didn't think of that before, but now that I am, it is so very true. Such a hypocritical double standard.

FI is a Paramedic and is required to be up to date on vaccines, so he fully supports everyone getting the TDAP and the flu shot. He could probably be a little more assertive instead of making it sound like it's only me that's pushing for it though.

They will call him all the time over health issues, and he constantly tells them that he's not a doctor or a surgeon. You'd think that given that they believe he's pretty much the be-all-end-all for medical care, that they'd just do what he says and be done with it.

lifewrite · January 2013

My mom is refusing to get it too. As well as the flu shot. Her response was that no one has whopping cough and flu season will be over by the time baby gets here. Um no... Flu season runs until May and LO is due in March. I unfortunately let it go because she lives 6 hours away and will only be here a short time after baby is born. I didn't want to argue anymore.

caladpi02 · January 2013

My family is totally blown away that I am making this request as is his family and I am not really sure how I am going to handle this. My mom is extremely vaccine adverse and has been emailing me anti vaccine info for the past few weeks.

His parents keep finding reasons to not quit smoking, so I feel like I have bigger fish to fry...

ggatlanta · January 2013

dande2129:

He could probably be a little more assertive instead of making it sound like it's only me that's pushing for it though.

This will make a huge difference. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy and upset his mom, but he doesn't realize he's just making you look like the bad guy instead. Gently point that out and ask him to go to bat for you.

kgs0505 · January 2013

Here's a story for you. I gave my son whooping cough at 2 months old. He had just gotten the first vaccine, but it's not effective until after the third dose at 6 mos. Anywho, I certainly wasn't held or touched by the stranger out in public when I contracted whooping cough. It's respiratory, so it's passed via the air. You don't have to be particularly close to anyone to get exposed. I went from 0 to pneumonia in 4 days. I was sicker than I have ever been as an adult (mono might have been worse, but not by much) for two solid weeks. I started feeling a little sick on Friday night, diagnosed with pneumonia Tuesday (would have gone to the doc Monday, but it was a holiday) and given antibiotics, Wednesday evening baby started coughing, thursday he was at the doctor's and given antibiotics. They also tested him for whooping cough just in case. Friday, my husband was sick and given antibiotics. Saturday, the pedi called with the results of his positive whooping cough test and to make sure everyone in the house was being treated with the right antibiotics (thankfully we were). And advised us to notify anyone we'd been in contact with. This led to my SIL, BIL and niece all having to take antibiotics because they stayed with us as I was getting sick. Best I can figure is about a 5 day incubation period too, before you start showing symptoms.

All adults should get the tdap vaccine if they haven't had the booster within the last year. They took the pertussis out of the adult vaccines many years ago and only recently have they put it back in. My vaccine was up to date, but I didn't realize they had taken the pertussis out, so I ended up being unprotected, and so did my husband. The county called after the positive test (reportable disease) and recommended that we get the vaccine after we felt better again anyway because they had been seeing instances of re-infection.

Listening to your newborn struggle to breathe while coughing and trying to cry but not being able to because of the coughing really sucks. The only reason he did so well and didn't have to be hospitalized is we were watching for it since I was so sick and caught it immediately. But he was still really sick. It took us two weeks each to feel better and months before the coughing really went away.

So, if those family members are too chicken sh*t to get a shot, they can't see the baby til after his 6 mos shots. Pertussis is extremely contagious and dangerous.

MelTwe · January 2013

I may be in the minority but I feel like all you can do is request and explain your reasoning, it's up to them to decide if they get it or not. If they get it great, if they don't then the ball's in your court as to what you want to do about it once the baby comes. Simple as that.

I personally have not made such as request because its not possible to ask everyone who has contact with your baby to get it. There's church, the park, the grocery store, etc. and baby will be exposed to people with out it. Using common sense such as hand washing and avoiding people with symptoms is all you can do in many situations. My relatives aren't going to intentionally put baby at greater risk, so I'm comfortable taking that chance.

Whatever your philosophy stick to it. You'll learn that there's almost always some one who opposes the way you do things as a parent and its up to you to not let them get to you.

GraceIsa4110 · January 2013

You're off your rocker. Requiring people to get a vaccine is crazy.

pitterpatter129 · January 2013

I say legit. I sent an email to our families telling them they needed to go get it (so I didn't have to deal in person, lol.) My entire extended family had already had it and each of them responded with the dates they recently got it on! I was shocked because I didn't expect them to understand, not fight me about it, or not make snide comments! DH's family I never heard from, so it's possible they will just find out I was serious when they are banned from visiting.

watermellens · January 2013

MelTwe:
I may be in the minority but I feel like all you can do is request and explain your reasoning, it's up to them to decide if they get it or not. If they get it great, if they don't then the ball's in your court as to what you want to do about it once the baby comes. Simple as that.
I personally have not made such as request because its not possible to ask everyone who has contact with your baby to get it. There's church, the park, the grocery store, etc. and baby will be exposed to people with out it. Using common sense such as hand washing and avoiding people with symptoms is all you can do in many situations. My relatives aren't going to intentionally put baby at greater risk, so I'm comfortable taking that chance.
Whatever your philosophy stick to it. You'll learn that there's almost always some one who opposes the way you do things as a parent and its up to you to not let them get to you.

I completely agree with all of this.

hatroopes · January 2013

GraceIsa4110:
You're off your rocker. Requiring people to get a vaccine is crazy.

This! Unless you are somehow planning to make your son a bubble boy, he will be exposed to people who have not had the vaccine.

lucy11111 · January 2013

hatroopes:
GraceIsa4110:
You're off your rocker. Requiring people to get a vaccine is crazy.
This! Unless you are somehow planning to make your son a bubble boy, he will be exposed to people who have not had the vaccine.

I agree with all of this. I would never demand people start getting vaccinations to be in the same room as my child. Seems completely over the top (just my opinion)

Spacebunny19 · January 2013

You can't make sure every person your child will be sharing air with has the vaccine, but you can say that if they are (a) in your home or (b) holding your child, they need to get it. That's a legit request and if they don't want to get it, they can wait until your child has gotten his/her full round of immunizations before they can do (a) or (b). Their call.

vegemom302 · January 2013

lucy11111:
hatroopes:
GraceIsa4110:
You're off your rocker. Requiring people to get a vaccine is crazy.
This! Unless you are somehow planning to make your son a bubble boy, he will be exposed to people who have not had the vaccine.

I agree with all of this. I would never demand people start getting vaccinations to be in the same room as my child. Seems completely over the top (just my opinion)

This is where I am too. You will never be able to control this to the extent you're trying to.

Mommymorticia · January 2013

I feel like asking the immediate family/people that are going to be handling the baby regularly and babysit is a good idea but asking extended family or friends that are probably just coming to see the new baby is asking a bit much. That would be like me asking around 70+ people to get vaccinated. I personally would never do that.

theimpossibleastronaut · January 2013

Spacebunny19:
You can't make sure every person your child will be sharing air with has the vaccine, but you can say that if they are (a) in your home or (b) holding your child, they need to get it. That's a legit request and if they don't want to get it, they can wait until your child has gotten his/her full round of immunizations before they can do (a) or (b). Their call.

I agree with all of this. It's legit request for the people who will be around your baby the most (e.g. grandparents/care providers).

kateryna72 · January 2013

I don't think you're being completely paranoid. The US is now in the middle of a whooping cough outbreak: https://gothamist.com/2013/01/10/the_flu_is_bad_this_year_but_so_is.php

My LO is due in March, and the vaccine isn't administered for babies until 2 months of age, so that leaves 2 months of cold/flu season for baby to manage unprotected. Obviously it is impossible to keep the baby completely in a bubble, but I don't think it's nuts to ask family to get the vaccine. Even if they don't hold the baby, these are people that are going to be in much closer proximity to the baby for a longer period of time than random people who you might encounter at Target or whatever.

kxp004 · January 2013

watermellens:
MelTwe:
I may be in the minority but I feel like all you can do is request and explain your reasoning, it's up to them to decide if they get it or not. If they get it great, if they don't then the ball's in your court as to what you want to do about it once the baby comes. Simple as that.
I personally have not made such as request because its not possible to ask everyone who has contact with your baby to get it. There's church, the park, the grocery store, etc. and baby will be exposed to people with out it. Using common sense such as hand washing and avoiding people with symptoms is all you can do in many situations. My relatives aren't going to intentionally put baby at greater risk, so I'm comfortable taking that chance.
Whatever your philosophy stick to it. You'll learn that there's almost always some one who opposes the way you do things as a parent and its up to you to not let them get to you.
I completely agree with all of this.

yep... all this... baby is going to go to the grocery store, restaurant, church, and many many more public places before she gets her full set of shots which is much later for us since she will be on a delayed vaccine plan due to history of allergies with vaccines

Rosebean · January 2013

hatroopes:
GraceIsa4110:
You're off your rocker. Requiring people to get a vaccine is crazy.
This! Unless you are somehow planning to make your son a bubble boy, he will be exposed to people who have not had the vaccine.

Next time you go to a public restaurant and you want to bump up your immunity, just pop a piece of someone's old gum into your mouth. That aught to do the trick...

Honestly, OP, while I respect your feelings to protect your LO, you won't be able to stop every bad thing from happening. I had whopping cough as a toddler in a region where it wasn't even problematic and my parents spent two months trying to convince my doctors that I got it from family while visiting the east coast. It is something of an experience that they claim is the worst ever for a parent to go through.

With this being one of the worst outbreaks of flu in a long time, I don't blame you for your insistence, but really, if its not one thing, your baby will find something else to contract. Unless you plan on putting a counter on your baby so you can point a finger at who is to blame for passing on the germs, you better start thinking of moving to the country and homeschooling.

Angela814 · January 2013

MelTwe:
I may be in the minority but I feel like all you can do is request and explain your reasoning, it's up to them to decide if they get it or not. If they get it great, if they don't then the ball's in your court as to what you want to do about it once the baby comes. Simple as that.
I personally have not made such as request because its not possible to ask everyone who has contact with your baby to get it. There's church, the park, the grocery store, etc. and baby will be exposed to people with out it. Using common sense such as hand washing and avoiding people with symptoms is all you can do in many situations. My relatives aren't going to intentionally put baby at greater risk, so I'm comfortable taking that chance.
Whatever your philosophy stick to it. You'll learn that there's almost always some one who opposes the way you do things as a parent and its up to you to not let them get to you.

I agree. Unless you're going to completely avoid contact with the public for the first 6 months, you're not going to be able to completely avoid the risk. I'd assume anyone coming close to baby (friends and family) is going to make sure that they're not sick when they do so.

kelly321 · January 2013

milk2481:
Your kid, your rules. I feel the same way you do. I'm not forcing anyone to get a vaccine. If they don't want to, that's their choice and it doesn't hurt my feelings. But it is my choice not to let you see my kid until he has been vaccinated. I'm not going to budge. I'm also not taking him out in public until he's vaccinated. I think you have to decide what you are comfortable with and stick to your guns.

Just remember that immunity doesn't actually occur for some of the diseases until after the third round. I don't remember which ones this is the case for, but someone mentioned pertussis. Don't get me wrong - I'm pro-vaccination and don't think OP is being unreasonable, but if you're saying you're not taking your LO out in public until he's vaccinated, then I think you don't realize that that will be 6 months on a normal vaccination schedule.

mel8255 · January 2013

I was shocked that my doctor was so adamant that everyone in close contact with LO when she arrives should be vaccinated. I got a handout for the extended family and everything...I didn't have this with my other two.

Your kid. Your rules...that's the beauty of getting to be a parent.

wifeofadam · January 2013

I know I'm in the minority around here, but I think it's completely ridiculous to ask family members to do something like this in order to see your child. I've never heard of this anywhere other than on these boards. I cannot imagine asking my family to do this and then actually not allowing my child's grandparents to see them if they didn't. So strange to me...

tamarar5 · January 2013

lucy11111:
hatroopes:
GraceIsa4110:
You're off your rocker. Requiring people to get a vaccine is crazy.
This! Unless you are somehow planning to make your son a bubble boy, he will be exposed to people who have not had the vaccine.

I agree with all of this. I would never demand people start getting vaccinations to be in the same room as my child. Seems completely over the top (just my opinion)

I have to agree here. You can make your request, but you can't force people to take vaccinations. My daughter and I are both allergic to the preservatives used in vaccines, so neither of us can take boosters or anything. When she was an infant, I had to pay my mother to watch her for private daycare because I couldn't get any daycare facility to take her-- simply because she can't be vaccinated. For us it isn't a choice. It's life or death.

Unless you plan on making your baby live in a plastic bubble for the rest of his/her life, baby is going to encounter germs!

Sorry Sad I know it's a very touchy topic.

spring_time · January 2013

+adamwife+:
I know I'm in the minority around here, but I think it's completely ridiculous to ask family members to do something like this in order to see your child. I've never heard of this anywhere other than on these boards. I cannot imagine asking my family to do this and then actually not allowing my child's grandparents to see them if they didn't. So strange to me...

Right there with you. It is not possible to protect your child from every disease out there. The idea of keeping a baby out of public until they are fully vaccinated is ludicrous. Additionally, asking family members to get a vaccine is taking it too far. If you want to alienate family members by making invasive requests on their body, I do not want to see you on the month boards complaining about how your family never comes around to see your child.

pinkiemo · January 2013

We requested that grandparents and those actually staying with us after our DD was born get the booster. Not a one person had a problem with it. In fact to quote my MIL, she said she could never forgive herself if DD was made sick because she couldn't be bothered to get a booster she should be getting anyway.

I don't find it invasive or unreasonable. It's still their choice not to get it, just like it's still your choice not to let them around your child. DH and I were very clear about it. And no, we didn't take DD "out" except for pedi visits until she was almost three months. I won't be able to do that this time, unfortunately, but DD was never sick until she was almost a year old.

You can't control everything, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be smart about the things you can.

ConstanceGoodspeed · January 2013

It's not just for the baby; it protects the adults, too. I don't want my parents (who are in their late 60's) and my elderly grandparents getting whooping cough or tetanus. And I certainly don't want it!

dande2129 · January 2013

Thanks for the responses. A lot of them brought me back down to earth. I think a lot of it is the fact that we, as parents, are so limited in what we really CAN control. Those that are willing to get the booster, great. Those that aren't, well, whatever. I'd hope that someone in FI's (or my) family would tell me prior to visiting that they are sick. Reeeeaaally hoping for that.

Thanks again.

watermellens · January 2013

dande2129:
Thanks for the responses. A lot of them brought me back down to earth. I think a lot of it is the fact that we, as parents, are so limited in what we really CAN control. Those that are willing to get the booster, great. Those that aren't, well, whatever. I'd hope that someone in FI's (or my) family would tell me prior to visiting that they are sick. Reeeeaaally hoping for that.
Thanks again.

you sound like you're pretty level headed anyways mama.

I would HOPE that anyone who is sick would have the good sense to stay at home and stay away from the baby anyways! That's what I'm hoping too anyways. Stick out tongue

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