Feeling alone and lost. ( kind of vent and long)
anc5
member
I don?t post on here very much but now I?m to the point that I don?t know what to do and really need some incite. Sorry ahead of time, this is very long.
It all stated three months ago when I got a phone call letting me know my father (who left my mother and I when I was 13) had died. He had been gone about a week before anyone was able to get a hold of me. Seeing as he had never remarried and I was his only child everything from identifying the body to planning and paying for his service fell on me. It was really hard and my husband did stand by me for about a week, after which he didn?t want to hear about it anymore because he saw him as a man that left his family.
About a month and a half later my father in-law was admitted into the hospital because he had become diabetic and had been for at least 6 months. This came as a shock because he had had a stint and two bypass surgeries within the last year and nothing had shown on his blood work. His second night in the hospital he then suffered a stroke. He lost all movement on the left side of his body which still has not come back and now looks like he may lose his left foot. He also will never be able to work again and be wheel chair bound. He is only 53 years old.
While all this was going on I went without my husband to CA to spend Christmas with my grandparents who mean that world to me (my grandpa walked me down the aisle at our wedding.) On my way down my grandma called to inform me that Grandpa had been admitted into the hospital. As soon as I arrived I went straight to the hospital. To sum this part up quick, I spent the whole week in the hospital (including Christmas Eve and day) with him. He kept telling me how much he wanted to live and see his great grandson. When it was time for me to go the doctor had told me he should be going home in a day or two. Less than a week later he was gone.
Now this last week I found out that my nephew, whom I love very much and have been a part of his life sense he was 1 (now 7), will be moving with his mother (my brother in-law?s ex) to Chicago and I will be lucking to see him once a year instead of every other weekend.
During all of this my husband has spent most of his time with his dad. I understand he is really worried about him but I could use some support. He hasn?t really talked to me about my father or grandpa, which is making me a little upset because he at least still has his dad. I will never get to try and fix things with mine and I will never see my wonderful grandpa again. To top it off it doesn?t seem like anyone in the family is excited about our baby anymore. It?s all just making me feel very depressed and don?t know what to do anymore.
If you know anything that might help please let me know.
Re: Feeling alone and lost. ( kind of vent and long)
Sounds like my family a few months ago. We were visiting dying grandmother #1 when grandmother #2 had a heart attack in another state so we went to visit her before she died, but she never woke up from her coma to know we were there. I also lost an Uncle to cancer and a cousin that committed suicide so 2012 was a terrible year for the family.
Have you taken the opportunity to talk to your husband about your feelings? He probably does not realize how deeply you are hurting inside and want to talk about your loss.
I totally get what your saying when you say you feel like no one is excited about the baby.
In August my grandmother who I was close to was diagnosed with colon cancer (stage 4) and chose to leave new york where my entire family is and go receive her chemo treatment down in Florida. Long story short she ended up passing away in October and I never got to make it down there to see her. The say she passed away my mom found out she had uterine cancer and needed a full hysterectomy. Which she had in December and was very successful thank God.
In November my DH Uncle committed suicide 2 day after Thanksgiving and it hit the family really hard.
I know people are happy about the baby and things are finally starting to settle down but it felt like up until a week ago I was not focusing on the baby and neither was anyone else.
I would talk to your DH and just tell him you need him to listen. Sometimes husbands don't think the same way we do.
Also know that you can vent here anytime. I'm sure all of us will give you the best advice we can. Good luck to you and keep your head up for that beautiful little baby you're growing inside of you.
I am really sorry for your losses, it sounds like it has been a tough road. Please remember that everyone grieves differntly and just because your FIL isn't gone, I bet dh is still struggling with all that has happened. I agree that you should talk to eachother about your feelings. I also bet that everyone else is excited for your lo and this might help everyone get out of their sadness. I bet you will see your grandfather in your little boy and he will be there watching the whole thing.
Keep your head up, it will get better!
Thank you everyone for all the advice. I plan on having a heart to heart with him this weekend.