February 2013 Moms

Showers do not equal registry gifts

I want to preface this by saying I am extremely grateful for all the love, support and gifts my LO has received. I love my family and coworkers and the showers they put on for us.

However, I cannot help but be disappointed that we are not getting much from our registry. I know that it's really hard to pass up cute pink outfits, but at my work shower, out of the 20 something gifts, only 2 things were from my registry and there were probably 5-6 things total that were not clothes. There was literally 1 outfit that wasn't pink. My poor DH!

Our registry has a good variety of low priced items (under $20), and there is a huge Babies R Us very close to the school where I work.

I feel guilty for seeming so ungrateful, but I'm going to take back as much as I can (only a few gift receipts) so we can afford to buy the things we need.

 If/when we get another pink newborn outfit, I might throw up.  

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Re: Showers do not equal registry gifts

  • I felt a little bit the same way after my showers too (my Mom threw me one, my MIL threw the other).  And I definitely felt guilty about it as well.  I was very grateful for all the amazing things we got, but I was a little concerned too.  You're not alone on this.  I even said something to my mom about it (we are really close).  I was feeling stressed a bit that we got a lot of "fluff" (random outfits, toys we don't need, trinkets that I will stick in a box somewhere and never look at again), but nothing we actually really NEEDED.  However, with completion coupons, some gift cards and a couple returns, we were able to get all the things that were necessary. 

    I don't think you are wrong in feeling this way... we are all closing in on the end and we just want to make sure we're prepared.  And it would've made life a bit easier if the things we got at our showers were what we registered for (after all, that's why we made registries). 

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  • Honestly, this is one of the reasons we didn't find out the sex of the baby- because I knew all we'd get is gender specific clothes/toys/blankets and hardly anything we needed off our registry. Even not knowing, we still got a lot of gender neutral clothes and blankets, when there were still things we needed on the registry that were reasonably priced. I don't really understand why people do that either. Maybe they like being creative and coming up with their own gift? I personally am not very creative so I always use registries when available, but I guess not everyone is like that. I totally get your frustration though! 

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
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  • I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???
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  • The exact same thing happened to me for my work shower... out of 20 people, one person chose to shop off my BBB registry.  Almost everything I got were clothes from Target (where I did not register), all different kinds of baby shampoo, and odd things that no one really needs.  It made me appreciate the person who shopped my registry a lot more!  

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  • We are TG and still didn't get a lot of useful things or the things I registered for. I ended up returning a lot. That said I really didn't expect to get much from my shower and knew if we wanted/needed something we would have to buy it. 
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  • imageonlymeggan:
    I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???

    We got TONS of blankets too. Right now they're just sitting in piles under the crib. I feel bad because I know I'm not going to use all of them, but seriously... it's not like the baby is gonna live outside!

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • imagekleigh926:

    Honestly, this is one of the reasons we didn't find out the sex of the baby- because I knew all we'd get is gender specific clothes/toys/blankets and hardly anything we needed off our registry. Even not knowing, we still got a lot of gender neutral clothes and blankets, when there were still things we needed on the registry that were reasonably priced. I don't really understand why people do that either. Maybe they like being creative and coming up with their own gift? I personally am not very creative so I always use registries when available, but I guess not everyone is like that. I totally get your frustration though! 

     This exactly! 


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  • We had the same thing. We returned enough to BRU though to get a credit to use towards things we actually needed which was good. I just hope the people that gave us the things we returned don't ask where those items are. LOL! 
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  • Alright, I am not trying to upset anyone. But baby showers are supposed to celebrate your new baby. Gifts are just a plus side. Not everyone looks at the registries, not everyone wants to follow them. When it came to my babyshower, for DS1, I did not make a registry, When people asked what I wanted for him, I mentioned that I had to find some big things still but I needed some small things, and gift cards would be great. If they asked what the big things were, than I told them what I needed. I never expected people to get all the things I needed. I am the parent, I need to supply for my child. Gifts are nice, but come on, other peolpe are buying things for you, they are not going to know what you are not going to want unless you tell them.  We had planned that if I was going to have a girl, the invitaion would flat out say "please limit pink items to one, Purple would be wonderful!! :)" I am not a pink person, lol. but again, people wouldn't be able to know what I wanted or didn't want, unless I am telling them. This time, there is no babyshower, just me and SO getting things for this LO. Some close people, like my brothers, and SO co worker, got us a few things, just some clothing, hand-me-downs and and body wash.

    My point, and I really am trying to make this sound as nice as i am saying it in my head, is that registries are more to make the parents organized. Yes some people may try and get you things off from it, but remember, that you are the parents, and you will be supporting and supplying for your LO. So people not getting you things that you want/ need is just trying to help you get prepared for having to buy the things yourself. Hehe Big Smile

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  • imagekleigh926:

    imageonlymeggan:
    I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???

    We got TONS of blankets too. Right now they're just sitting in piles under the crib. I feel bad because I know I'm not going to use all of them, but seriously... it's not like the baby is gonna live outside!

    You can always donate extra stuff like blankets (clothes too, etc.) to Newborns in Need or a local family family homeless shelter or a domestic violence shelter then they don't go to waste.   

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


  • imagePeanutR1:
    I'm sorry to say it, but this whole thread is a little off-putting to me. Inviting people to a party with a mentality of "they better get me these specific gifts off a list" is a bit tacky. To then turn around and return everything just to get cash...mmmm.  Just doesnt sit right. And I'm sure if your guests knew you felt that way, they would have just kept their hard earned money to themselves. A gift is a gift - you can't prescribe what it is. A registry is meant to simply be a list of suggestions.  Anyway, just my 2 cents. 

     

    Oh I for sure didn't expect that, and I didn't feel like going into it people would/should only use my registry. I loved my showers and the celebration of my sweet LO was the main joy! I was just surprised I guess? 

    I do have to ask, what do you plan on doing with your extra newborn outfits that LO might be too big to wear or grow out of too fast? Is it better to keep it than to return it for something you need?  

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  • Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.
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  • imageosirismama:

    Alright, I am not trying to upset anyone. But baby showers are supposed to celebrate your new baby. Gifts are just a plus side. Not everyone looks at the registries, not everyone wants to follow them. When it came to my babyshower, for DS1, I did not make a registry, When people asked what I wanted for him, I mentioned that I had to find some big things still but I needed some small things, and gift cards would be great. If they asked what the big things were, than I told them what I needed. I never expected people to get all the things I needed. I am the parent, I need to supply for my child. Gifts are nice, but come on, other peolpe are buying things for you, they are not going to know what you are not going to want unless you tell them.  We had planned that if I was going to have a girl, the invitaion would flat out say "please limit pink items to one, Purple would be wonderful!! :)" I am not a pink person, lol. but again, people wouldn't be able to know what I wanted or didn't want, unless I am telling them. This time, there is no babyshower, just me and SO getting things for this LO. Some close people, like my brothers, and SO co worker, got us a few things, just some clothing, hand-me-downs and and body wash.

    My point, and I really am trying to make this sound as nice as i am saying it in my head, is that registries are more to make the parents organized. Yes some people may try and get you things off from it, but remember, that you are the parents, and you will be supporting and supplying for your LO. So people not getting you things that you want/ need is just trying to help you get prepared for having to buy the things yourself. Hehe Big Smile

     

    Good point, well said! 

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  • I honestly don't think people should rely on registries to provide all the gear for a baby. IMO, you should be prepared to buy your own baby essentials and if you get some gear well that is a bonus.I don't think you sound ungrateful I just think your expectations may have been off a bit.
    Jen
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  • I can see the argument from both sides (having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts). Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude.

    Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like.

    When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.  

  • imageally2011:
    imagekleigh926:

    imageonlymeggan:
    I know the feeling.  During our 1st pregnancy, we registered for maybe 3 blankets, got 14.  FOURTEEN BLANKETS.  Half of the blankets came from places of undetermined origin.  We appreciate the thought and the love, but what do we need with 14 freaking blankets???

    We got TONS of blankets too. Right now they're just sitting in piles under the crib. I feel bad because I know I'm not going to use all of them, but seriously... it's not like the baby is gonna live outside!

    You can always donate extra stuff like blankets (clothes too, etc.) to Newborns in Need or a local family family homeless shelter or a domestic violence shelter then they don't go to waste.   

    I wouldn't let them go to waste. Whatever clothes or blankets I don't use for this LO, I am planning to save for the next one. And if I never use them, of course I would donate them. 

    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting gifts to come from the registry or returning items that weren't on it and won't be used. Registries are there for a reason- those are the things that the parents need. Just buying cute clothes instead of necessities doesn't make much sense to me.

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with the last few posters. I think you expected too much out of your shower. Of course it's nice when people stick to the registry, and that's the smartest thing to do as a gift-giver to make sure you're getting something you need/don't already have/etc. But that's just not reality for everyone, and it's really better not to depend on others to buy the things you need for your baby. Your guests are just there to support and celebrate with you, and they took time out of their life to do that for you. So if that means they wanted to buy you a pink outfit or one of fourteen blankets, well, it's their money, and most people want to buy something that's fun to pick out and goo and gah over.

    FWIW, if your baby is anything like my first, she went through multiple outfits a day so her excess of clothing came in handy. I also bought her some clothes on my own, so I got to pick the color and style I liked. Now, I'm stuck with all pink and only dresses because that's what SHE likes, lol. Also, blankets are really handy to have around, too. We used them for burp cloths, rolled up to help support her, and extras in the diaper bag to put it on the floor or wherever we might need it.

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  • imageJRomeH:
    imagePeanutR1:
    I'm sorry to say it, but this whole thread is a little offputting to me. Inviting people to a party with a mentality of "they better get me these specific gifts off a list" is a bit tacky. To then turn around and return everything just to get cash...mmmm. nbsp;Just doesnt sit right. And I'm sure if your guests knew you felt that way, they would have just kept their hard earned money to themselves. A gift is a gift you can't prescribe what it is. A registry is meant to simply be a list of suggestions. nbsp;Anyway, just my 2 cents.nbsp;
    I agree with you, except that I believe OP has a right to return items she won't or can't use in exchange for needed items. OP, you sound terribly ungrateful and entitled. It's really disheartening.

    Really? I disagree that she sounds ungrateful and entitled. There's nothing wrong with being surprised that she didn't get much off her registry, considering that's the main point of registries- for guests to know what the parents want or need. I mean, why even have registries if most people aren't going to pay any attention to them anyway?

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • I'm not calling you ungrateful, but you shouldn't expect a shower to provide you with the essentials.  It's your job to get those.

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  • imageJRomeH:
    imageCeCe627:
    I can see the argument from both sides having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts. Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude. Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like. When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.nbsp;nbsp;
    ?? That's amazing that you would call someone spending money on you a selfish giver. Is this real lyfe?!?!

     

    Yes, it is real life. And, please know that I view a shower as a chance to celebrate the little life that is to come, it really is not about the gifts (and I was very grateful for everything I received at my shower). However, yes, I would call someone spending money on me a selfish giver if they fit the criteria. For example, if it is well known that I don't like to wear pink, and someone buys me a pink shirt, regardless of the cost, it is selfish. Giving is not about just buying someone something. It requires thinking about that person and what they want. Sometimes people give gifts for the sake of being able to say they got you a gift. That is selfish to me. 

  • imageSunshineMuffin:
    Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.

    But that is my point, Unless you are going to tell them exactly what you want on the invitation, you should not expect them to read your mind. Don't expect people to do exactly what you want because you are having a child. Don't expect to get most of the things on your registry. You can say that I would have been offensive, and in poor taste if I would have wrote those things on the invitation, but my family and friends know me, and those are the only ones that were invited to my shower. We are from a small town, where a lot of us hold down a few jobs to make ends meet, or work on family farms. If no one brought anything for little one, I would not be phased, they came to celebrate my little one. And that is all anyone should really care about. Again, I don't know any of you women personally, so maybe what you are saying is just not setting in my mind as someone who understands and knows you personally. All I am saying is, you should not be expecting people to get you most of the things you need. Looking at it like that is bound to make you dissapointed.

    I do like what a PP said about donating the extra things to newborns and families in need. Our hospital accepts donations, along with our W.I.C. programs. But shelters would be great too.

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  • imageosirismama:

    imageSunshineMuffin:
    Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.

    But that is my point, Unless you are going to tell them exactly what you want on the invitation, you should not expect them to read your mind. Don't expect people to do exactly what you want because you are having a child. Don't expect to get most of the things on your registry. You can say that I would have been offensive, and in poor taste if I would have wrote those things on the invitation, but my family and friends know me, and those are the only ones that were invited to my shower. We are from a small town, where a lot of us hold down a few jobs to make ends meet, or work on family farms. If no one brought anything for little one, I would not be phased, they came to celebrate my little one. And that is all anyone should really care about. Again, I don't know any of you women personally, so maybe what you are saying is just not setting in my mind as someone who understands and knows you personally. All I am saying is, you should not be expecting people to get you most of the things you need. Looking at it like that is bound to make you dissapointed.

    I do like what a PP said about donating the extra things to newborns and families in need. Our hospital accepts donations, along with our W.I.C. programs. But shelters would be great too.

    The invitation that was sent to my shower guests included where I was registered (and every invitation for a shower that I've ever received also included it). My registry had exactly what I wanted. That's not mind reading, that's using common sense. Problem solved. 

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  • imageCeCe627:

    imageJRomeH:
    imageCeCe627:
    I can see the argument from both sides having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts. Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude. Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like. When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.nbsp;nbsp;
    ?? That's amazing that you would call someone spending money on you a selfish giver. Is this real lyfe?!?!

     

    Yes, it is real life. And, please know that I view a shower as a chance to celebrate the little life that is to come, it really is not about the gifts (and I was very grateful for everything I received at my shower). However, yes, I would call someone spending money on me a selfish giver if they fit the criteria. For example, if it is well known that I don't like to wear pink, and someone buys me a pink shirt, regardless of the cost, it is selfish. Giving is not about just buying someone something. It requires thinking about that person and what they want. Sometimes people give gifts for the sake of being able to say they got you a gift. That is selfish to me. 

    I completely agree that people can be selfish givers.  I've been guilty of this and kick myself in hindsight.  Why did I think my friend would want a newborn bathing suit in the middle of winter?  Because I thought it was cute and people would go "awww" at the shower?  I was being selfish and thoughtless.  When I go out of my way to buy (or make) a gift for someone, knowing that's what they want and need, I feel really happy.  

    I'm not saying the people who shopped off my registry at my shower were selfish givers, but as I was returning half of what I received to Target, I made a mental note that in the future, I will always try to shop off people's registries or buy something that I know they will find valuable and really appreciate. 

     

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  • I feel like a registry is just one option for people...not everyone chooses to use it, and they have every right not to. I sometimes deter from it if I really know the couple and found something really neat.

    Even with the registry, we got a few duplicate items that were on there...so I'm not sure if it never updated or the registry didn't get scanned.

    Plus, some people may not be able to afford a lot and if they can get a handful of outfits on sale for as much $ as a blanket you want, they make go with the outfits so it looks like they bought more. 

  • imageCocoR04:
     

    I'm not saying the people who shopped off my registry at my shower were selfish givers, but as I was returning half of what I received to Target, I made a mental note that in the future, I will always try to shop off people's registries or buy something that I know they will find valuable and really appreciate. 

     

     Exactly... I received several very thoughtful gifts that were not on my registry... many were of the "this was a lifesaver when we had our first, I think you'll love it too" variety. They took the time to think about me, my baby, and where my husband and I are in our life... thats what makes a gift a gift.  

  • imageJRomeH:
    I'm sorry, I just can't empathize or sympathize with complaining about how others choose their money on me. Maybe I'm alone in my thinking, but I just don't get it.

    No, you're not!  

  • imageJRomeH:
    I'm sorry, I just can't empathize or sympathize with complaining about how others choose their money on me. Maybe I'm alone in my thinking, but I just don't get it.


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  • I can see both sides here, but personally I have no qualms about returning/exchanging/donating any item(s) I can't use or don't need.  Maybe it's just because I consider clutter my mortal enemy and am in a never-ending process of trying to pare down my possessions. Wink

    We were lucky that most of the shower guests stuck to the registry and that those who went off-registry for the most part were people who knew us well enough to pick things we actually liked, even if we didn't specifically need or request them.  We're also fortunate that we could afford to buy all the necessities ourselves if we needed to. 

    But we did get a handful of things that we simply can't/won't use, so back they went, because I didn't want them sitting there, unopened, taking up valuable space.  My thinking (having been both a giver and receiver) is that the idea behind a shower (be it bridal or baby) is not just to celebrate the occasion but to help a new couple/new parents get prepared for a new phase in their lives.  I stick to registries as much as possible, since those are things I know will be useful to them, and if for some reason I went off-registry and got them something totally random, I'd rather see them exchange it for something they will actually use than think my money went to waste.  Though when it doubt, I'm more inclined to go for a gift card than to go off-registry unless it's a really close friend and I can confidently say I know her taste.

    That said, I think we only made one exchange on the basis of personal taste.  We registered for a gender-neutral, space-themed activity mat, and when the gifter went to the store she couldn't find that one, so instead she got one that was all pink and flowers.  We're having a girl, but we (a) don't want to be surrounded in a sea of pink (or LO growing up thinking that SHE has to be surrounded in a sea of pink) and (b) want the bigger-ticket items to be gender-neutral so we can reuse them for baby #2 later on, regardless of that child's sex.  We couldn't find the space-themed one either (soooo bummed about it! Sad), but still exchanged the pink mat for a gender-neutral one with an animal theme that was more up our alley. 

    Ugh, sorry that was so wordy.  I blame having too much time on my hands due to swollen feet and being ordered by both DH and my mother to prop my feet up on the couch and relax for the rest of the evening. Stick out tongue



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  • At first, I was going to leave this post alone, but I just can't.

     

    i am so saddened that it has almost become acceptable for people to be sad, disappointed, and in some cases, even bordering on angry when it comes to gifts.  How entitled are we as a society becoming when we expect gifts to come off a list or to meet a certain criteria?  They are GIFTS.  

     

    Can we not be grateful that someone took their time to attend a shower and, bonus, they brought a gift...regardless of it coming off the registry or not?  Isn't that the kind of gratitude we want to instill in our children?  Maybe I am in the minority, but I believe that my attitudes and behaviors are important examples to my child(ren) about the kind of person I strive to be and hope they will become.  

  • imageCeCe627:

    I can see the argument from both sides (having been the giver and receiver of many shower gifts). Gifts should be given with love and thoughtfulness and received with gratitude.

    Sometimes, people can be selfish givers, in that they give someone what they want to give them instead of what that person likes or wants. In regards to shower gifts, shopping for that super cute baby dress that will be worn once is gratifying for the giver, but doesn't really meet the needs or wants of the person receiving the gift. That makes it a thoughtless, selfish gift. For example, I have a sister in law who dresses her little guy in a certain style that I don't really care for. When I buy something for her son, I may want to buy one outfit, but instead I buy something I know she will like.

    When it comes to showers, moms/dads are pretty specific in what they want/need when they make a registry. As first time parents, the most exciting gifts are those things that you really do need. If someone was to truly be a thoughtful, selfless giver, they would keep that in mind when making gift purchases.  

    I really disagree with the "selfish" giver thing. I always buy something off the registry, but I also make people gifts (I've made many hats, blankets,and sweaters for baby showers). Does that make me a selfish giver? I received a few handmade gifts that I did not need, but they were really great and I was really grateful. Also, we didn't register for a single pink item of clothing. However, at one of our showers, my DH's aunt bought a ton of pink clothing. These items aren't my personal style, but I'm still grateful for all the clothing she bought and we'll use it. I don't think she's a selfish giver because she went off the registry. 

    I understand the OP's frustration, and if she wants to return items, fine. But I don't think people are "selfish" when they purchase off the registry.

    Lilypie - (KNqh)
  • Honestly, I haven't even registered.  Nor do I plan to. Most of the things I really wanted I have already purchased... And to be honest I really am looking forward to getting all those outfits, blankets and toys because I have only bought onesies and jammies. I find when I buy for baby showers, I rarely hit the registered stores. So it was my intention to let people buy the blankies and outfits until they are blue in the face so now I don't have to. And without a registry, they are more likely to do just that. My friends aren't throwing my shower until about a month after my due date anyways, so by then I would have needed everything I have bought anyways. 

    Another reason I stayed team green was so I wouldn't end up with gender specific items, but now that the shower is being held after LO comes, and I already have all the things I want gender neutral, it will be nice to have outfits that will work for him/her and I can suggest a starting size. 

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  • imagetopchef33:

    I feel like a registry is just one option for people...not everyone chooses to use it, and they have every right not to. I sometimes deter from it if I really know the couple and found something really neat.

    Even with the registry, we got a few duplicate items that were on there...so I'm not sure if it never updated or the registry didn't get scanned.

    Plus, some people may not be able to afford a lot and if they can get a handful of outfits on sale for as much $ as a blanket you want, they make go with the outfits so it looks like they bought more. 

    Did you register at BRU?  Because we got a bunch of duplicates.  A lot of people who went to the store about a week before our shower said that when they printed the registry at the store it showed that NOTHING had been bought, even though a bunch of items had already been purchased.  Very strange, but the store was good about giving us store credit for the duplicate items, so it wasn't a big deal. 

    And as a PP had suggested, if we couldn't exchange, we'd have probably just donated, or found someone else we know who could have used them.  (See my previous post in this thread about my disdain for clutter.  My hatred for it transcends any worry about hurt feelings, although I suspect most people are reasonable about having their gift exchanged/returned if it's a duplicate.)



    image
  • imagePeanutR1:
    imagekleigh926:
    imageosirismama:

    imageSunshineMuffin:
    Yikes. I find telling people to give you gift cards, and actually specifying, on an invitation, that items are to be limited to only one pink item far more offensive and in poor taste than the OP's tone.

    But that is my point, Unless you are going to tell them exactly what you want on the invitation, you should not expect them to read your mind. Don't expect people to do exactly what you want because you are having a child. Don't expect to get most of the things on your registry. You can say that I would have been offensive, and in poor taste if I would have wrote those things on the invitation, but my family and friends know me, and those are the only ones that were invited to my shower. We are from a small town, where a lot of us hold down a few jobs to make ends meet, or work on family farms. If no one brought anything for little one, I would not be phased, they came to celebrate my little one. And that is all anyone should really care about. Again, I don't know any of you women personally, so maybe what you are saying is just not setting in my mind as someone who understands and knows you personally. All I am saying is, you should not be expecting people to get you most of the things you need. Looking at it like that is bound to make you dissapointed.

    I do like what a PP said about donating the extra things to newborns and families in need. Our hospital accepts donations, along with our W.I.C. programs. But shelters would be great too.

    The invitation that was sent to my shower guests included where I was registered (and every invitation for a shower that I've ever received also included it). My registry had exactly what I wanted. That's not mind reading, that's using common sense. Problem solved. 

    Right, but registries are meant to be suggestions.  I think that's the point being made. Even on my registries, I have a note that says "These are simply suggestions. Our nursery theme /colors are X, but we will,love anything you think baby would like!".  

     Its the same for weddings. It's a suggestion. To think of them as exclusive buying lists is a bit rude.  

    Agreed. Registries are just suggestions of what people would like. Not everyone is going to look at your registry and say "this is what they want, and i am going to buy it.' Some people think they want to be original and get something special. And then you have some who have children, and maybe are thinking from their own experiences and think that they will get you something they really needed or used alot.

    Like the recieving blankets, some people use them as burp clothes, swaddling, rolled up in swings to help baby's head not move too much, ect. So all these could have been thoughts of people that bought recieving blankets for the mommy to be. Outfits, some times LO's puke and it can stain the outfit, or diaper explosions that stain. So people think, well lets get them plenty of outfits so that they do not have to worry about it. Again, it is about celebrating your little one. Just be excited that you will soon be meeting your little one.

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  • I get the impression that a lot of us are saying the same things, but don't realize it.

    OP is just surprised (not ungrateful) that she didn't get more from her registry.  She even stated how grateful she does feel for getting things at all.  She didn't EXPECT to get things from her registry, she just thought that is where most people would shop... hence her surprise.  There is nothing wrong with getting things from a registry, just as there is nothing wrong with getting things that weren't on the registry.  Like a PP said, I know I got a few things that I didn't even think to put on my registry, and I was extremely grateful of these. 

    But on the other hand, getting multiples of items that cannot be returned or donated can be frustrating sometimes.  For us, we got 3 "daddy" diaper bags, 2 of which are hand made.  They are amazing, awesome gifts, and I truly appreciate all the time that went into them.  However, what are we going to do with the extras?  I'd feel guilty for donating something like that (and I think it's wrong), but at the same time, I doubt we will wind up using them.  We will have to find a place to store these, along with the other extras that we got at the baby shower, and we are very low on space.  Not complaining, simply stating the facts of the the situation.  Being surprised that we got so many of the same item (that isn't on our registry) doesn't make me ungrateful or entitled, it simply makes me surprised!  ...And maybe a little worried about where I'm going to put it!  Now if I said I think it's crappy that I got so many of the same item and I think it's rude for shower guests to not buy off of a registry, THAT would be entitled and ungrateful.  But I don't think that's what is being said here, and that is certainly not what I'm trying to say.

    Sorry for the long post, I just feel I needed to explain myself a bit more.

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers image image
  • Yeah. I had three showers and didn't get a single thing off my registry. Yesterday, after our last shower, we got all our gift cards together and bought the rest of the stuff we needed online. It was such a relief to finally have purchased everything we need, lemme tell ya! 

    We'll take back stuff; we have far too many 0-3 month clothes, but everything we get from here on out is purely stuff we want. 

  • imageJRomeH:
    I'm sorry, I just can't empathize or sympathize with complaining about how others choose their money on me. Maybe I'm alone in my thinking, but I just don't get it.

    I agree. None of my friends, family and co-workers were willing to throw me a shower before the birth because they want to celebrate the baby - and they all want the baby to be at the shower. At first I broke down and cried, because it meant that we had to buy absolutely everything ourselves.  And it was/is very expensive. But now, as a result, I am incredibly thankful for every single item that we have received as a gift.

  • imageImaniJ55:
    imageJRomeH:
    I'm sorry, I just can't empathize or sympathize with complaining about how others choose their money on me. Maybe I'm alone in my thinking, but I just don't get it.
    You are definitely not alone..
    Agreed.
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  • Let me start off by saying, some of you are FAR too dramatic and judging. Suck it up that everyone is different. So respect it or keep your mouth shut.

     

    Now OP, I do not think you're being ungrateful, but yes I think you had a different expectation than reality. However, I also see nothing wrong with returning some things to get what you need, but definitely thank those that bought you something anyhow. ^__^

    I am worried about all the NB stuff my MIL bought for my LO, but I figure if I do not use it all because she grows out of it too quickly, than I can always donate it or sell it at a consignment sale. This is only because I was silly and took all the tags off out of excitement. So now she literally has 12 sleepers, but I am definitely thankful that she bought them for me because they're from Carters and very nice!

    If you feel like you might be being ungrateful, maybe just send them a thank you card(I always send them for any gift) and let them know you really do appreciate the gesture.

  • imagesrheflin91:

    Let me start off by saying, some of you are FAR too dramatic and judging. Suck it up that everyone is different. So respect it or keep your mouth shut.

     

    Yes, everyone IS different. And we're allowed to have different opinions. You're being rude by telling people that they can't express those opinions.

    Lilypie - (KNqh)
  • imageAegis2005:
    imageImaniJ55:
    imageJRomeH:
    I'm sorry, I just can't empathize or sympathize with complaining about how others choose their money on me. Maybe I'm alone in my thinking, but I just don't get it.
    You are definitely not alone..
    Agreed.

    Yup. Definitely not alone.

    image
    My silly Lily is almost 4. BabyFruit Ticker
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