Infertility
Who knows about your IF??
DH and I have been very open about our IF struggles with our families and friends and sometimes I wish we wouldn't have said anything at all. Most of the family just reads our blog updates and other than asking questions when I see them just lets it be. However, my little sister works in an OB clinic and think she knows everything about everything we are going through. My step mom offers all sorts of unsolicited and completely unhelpful advice. My dad passes wrong and inaccurate information on to other family members.
Does your family know about your IF?? How do you handle it??
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Re: Who knows about your IF??
We were very open about all of our IF stuff.
....but, then again, the know it all little sister has GOT to be annoying! I didn't have that to contend with...
This is a very touchy topic for me
DH and I only told our parents; My parents are doctors so totally understand... His don't quite get it, but keep their distance about it because we've asked them not to bring it up, but only told them due to DH needing surgery. My DH also told my BIL without me knowing, incase he had the same issue DH has... well BIL told his wife, who's a b*itch and told the entire family... Many of which we dislike and never intended for them to know because they're nasty, mean, jerks.
So - my advice is this. If you tell one person, be sure you don't mind everyone knowing all of your business. We were okay with our rents' knowing, but BIL I was pretty pissed about because I knew it would get out.
I call my mom almost daily to update her- and it's really nice to be able to talk to her. Everyone else I just stay quite around; mainly because if IVF doesn't work, I don't want to have to deal with a thousand "I'm sorry" or "It will happen" remarks. And people on DHs side are cruel, and I'm sure would have something horrible to say. But now I'm F'd when it comes to that because they all know.
There's my rant/vent/advice. GL!
Everyone knows about our IF struggles and our treatment plan except this time we've opted to tell no one but our Pastor about our FET cycle. We struggled alone for 2 years and when we hit that 2 year mark and everyone was asking us when we're going to have babies we finally told everyone, mainly to get them off my back. Now I blog and everyone seems to know when the right time to ask questions and when not too.
Me- 32, DH- 32- TTC for 4 Years
IUIs 1-6 BFN
IVF #1= BFP- M/C
FET- Beta#1: 69, #2: 482, #3: 1088, #4: 28,318, Ultrasound- 1 beautiful heartbeat
It's a boy!
10/11: after 2 years, saw a RE, FSH 5.4
11/11: BFP! (surprise after thyroid & normal hsg),
12/11: missed m/c after 7 week u/s, 1/12: D&C
6/12 IUI#1-IUI #3: clomid = BFP!, C/P
IVF #1(10/12) FSH 5.4, AFC: 16 long Lupron, 5R/5M/4F, all 4 made it to 5dt, 1 blast/1-8 cell transferred=BFN
IVF #2(12/12)AFC 21, MD lupron, 4R/4M/3F, 5dt of 1 blast and 2-8cell. BFN.
IVF#3(4/13) Natural start antagon protocol, 12R,11F. one PGS normal at day 6 transfer. BFN.
IVF#4 (11/13) C.CRM (ODW.U normal 8/13 Still no Diagnosis) EPP/antagonist. ER 13R/7M/6F. Only 1 made it to freeze. Abnormal. Looking into options of DE, Fresh vs frozen.
10/14 new local RE to look into what's next. CD3 FSH 4.7, AMH 0.9. Met with DE agencies and exploring options for feb/march 2015.
Surprise natural bfp (4 days before donor is signed). Beta #1 at 9dpo: 51.8, 2nd beta: 195 (25 hours doubling) @11dpo. 3rd beta (12/15): 516 (35 hrs doubling) 4th beta(12/17): 895 (58 hours doubling) 5th beta(12/19): 2120. U/S at 5w0d(12/22): one gestational sac with yolk sac. U/S #2 (6w0d)12/29. One little bean measuring 6w0d with HR 124. 3rd u/s(1/4)7w0d: baby measuring 7w2d. HR 134. 3/30: A/S at MFM went great except for low lying placenta. Verifi results are normal! Team Blue! Please send any positive thoughts our way! EDD:8/24/2015
Baby Will born 8/18. He's perfect.
Sorry your family is being a pain!
My mother knows, my best girlfriend, our ND and her DH (Since they're actually friends of ours too), and a few of our closest couple friends (since one couple did IVF last year, and another is going through the adoption process right now - They are also severe MFI).
***EVERYONE WELCOME***
Sometimes I wish I was totally open about everything when I do need support, but I am so glad I have this board for that. When we started our first IVF I did start a private blog documenting everything, which I will share with our families and close friends when the time comes.
My parents, ILs, and siblings know. My boss also knows because I need to be late for work sometimes, take time off, etc. and I found out she had her daughter through IVF, so she TOTALLY gets it and is so supportive and understanding. I seriously couldn't ask for a better situation there!
I get unsolicited advice/comments from my ILs especially. My FIL is a know-it-all and is very religious and says stuff all the time about "when it's God's will it will happen" - I just roll my eyes most of the time and try not to let it bother me, but one time it really bothered me (stupid hormones) I actually told him to never say that to me ever again, that it was cruel and didn't help and since then he's kept his mouth shut. My SIL also got KU the first month she tried and is now I believe trying for #2, so just my luck she'll be KU again before I'm pregnant with #1, so she has absolutely no idea and has said to me on numerous occasions to hump it out, uh huh, wish it were that easy! Bottom line is that I'm glad I told my close family members because the majority of the time they've been very supportive, but I was also prepared for the unsolicited stupid comments, which I can't let get to me. Since I don't let them bother me most of the time, I'm glad my family knows so we're not completely alone with this.
I will not tell anyone except my mom and sister our exact ER and ET dates though and will probably fib about the beta date because I don't want to have to let everyone down if it's a BFN and couple days to get used to it ourselves before we tell anyone.
Me- 32, DH- 32- TTC for 4 Years
IUIs 1-6 BFN
IVF #1= BFP- M/C
FET- Beta#1: 69, #2: 482, #3: 1088, #4: 28,318, Ultrasound- 1 beautiful heartbeat
It's a boy!
We have been pretty open about it the past 6 months or so...mainly due to the fact that we hated hearing the "when will you have kids" question over and over again. It does spread...so just be prepared for that.
We told DH's parents and asked them not to say anything to anyone as it was our business to tell. A few months later we got a card in the mail from his aunt saying she was sorry to hear about my aunt's sudden passing and sorry that we were having trouble getting PG. WHAT?? DH was so pissed that he called his mom right away. Turnes out she told her entire side of the family. So even if you ask someone not to say anything, they will. It's frustrating and I believe it is our business to tell people.
**SIGGY WARNING**
TTC since Nov 2010 | Me: 29, DH: 31
DX - Severe DOR, Stage II Endo
6 rounds medicated TI, 3 failed IUIs, 2 failed IVFs
After nearly 4 years of trying, our 1st BFP on IVF #3 (5R, 3M, 3F, 3 day 5 blasts frozen)
FET - Beta #1 - 116, Beta #2 - 266!! 1st U/S on 10/6 - HB 121 and measuring perfectly! EDD 5/30/15
Everyone Welcome
Baseball, Beagles, Beer and Babies Blog
Same here. That is my DH's news to tell if he wants to and he doesn't want to share it so I'm definitely not going to say anything.
We've gotten progressively more liberal about who knows. We decided to tell our immediate families after we got referred to a urologist and knew DH would need surgery. They get the highlights, but nobody knows exact treatment plans until after the fact.
At work my boss and two close colleagues know; they help cover for me. The rest of my co-workers are clueless. Everyone at DH's office knows.
Socially it started out with only two couples that we're really close to knowing. But again, the longer it goes on, the more people we come out to. At this point DH breaks the vas surgery out as a drunk bar story for people we hardly know- "My balls were the size of grapefruits!" "The scars made my nuts look like a giant pause sign!" Yup, that's how he copes.
The part I struggle with most is straddling the two worlds- half out, half closeted. It's weird that when we can make it into a joke and tell almost anyone, but there are still some close family and friends that I just can't fathom telling. Does that makes any sense?
DH's mom knows. His dad doesn't parents are divorced. My principal does as well and she's been supportive. No one else knows.
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog
I am very very open with my life. I try to be respectful since DH and I are in this together, and dealing with MFI, I asked him 1st. All my friends know, mom, sil, Godfather, and now whole world because I outed myself NYE, that I was so glad to have survived 2012 and still be standing with miscarriage,failed fertility cycles, loss of job. It was so dang freeing, and it will avoid people asking dumb ass questions, or making comments. Plus I saw SO many people talking about their pregnancies on FB, all day long with pics, so I wanted to show the flip side of it.
THis is why I share, so many people even in church do not talk about Infertility, like it is a shame or embarrassment, I thought if someone could see my struggle, and that I was still keeping my joy it could bless them.I had people come to me and reach out stating that they were so proud of me, and that my testimony was encouraging.
This 3rd round I will only tell a few people I am cycling, and no one will know beta date, but like 3 people. I hate having to explain when things do not work out. It is nice getting the support though. Hugs to everyone, we are some brave ladies! I am with Jewels, only a few know it is MFI, because they assume my issue, which is fine. I just wanted to raise awareness on FB.
TTC Since Aug 2011/
ME:34 all clear/DH:41 DX Severe MFI/
IVF w/ICSI OCT 2012 Stims started 10/8/ER 10/19/12/ET 10/24/Beta#1 11/2=BFN (beta was 1.2)
IVF 2.0-Baseline 11/7/12 beta 0/All Clear
Stim start 11/7/12//ER 11/19 11M//10F
ET 2 embies 11/24//Beta#1 28 Beta #2 23 Beta#3 29
stop meds Beta#4 37/C/P 5W5D EDD:8/12/13/IVF#3 in Jan
Ivf 3-frozen 3 poor 3day/fet=bfn
My Chart//>
My TTC Journey:
Dx: Hypothalamic amenorrhea / mild PCOS (Pretty much a hormone/ovulatory disorder)
Progesterone to induce period w/ the goal of Clomid - never got period (September 2011). Referred to RE.
Femera - never responded to the meds (December 2011)
Clomid with TI - BFN (February 2012)
Injectables (Menopur) - hyperstimulated/canceled (March 2012)
Injectables #2 (Menopur) with TI- BFN (May 2012)
IVF - OHSS (transfer canceled), but 11 frozen! (June 1012)
FET - 1 transferred on 8/09/12. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): 350.3; Beta#2: 365; Beta#3: 157. Biochemical pregnancy.
FET # 2 - 1 transferred on 11/01/12. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): 337; Beta#2: 769. BFP!!! 1st ultrasound 11/28/12 showed heartbeat, but measuring 5 days behind. 2nd ultrasound 12/05/12 - miscarriage.
FET # 3 - 1 transferred on 1/24/13. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): BFN.
FET # 4 - 2 transferred on 3/21/13. Bet #1 (11dp5dt): 660; Beta#2: 1,300. Miscarried at home @ 6 weeks.
FET # 5 - 2 transferred on 7/12/13. Beta #1 (10dp6dt): BFN.
Attempted an IUI in late August 2013, but didn't respond well.
IVF #2 with PGS - Stims started 10/28 with retrieval on 11/11. Of 14 mature eggs, 10 fertilized, 4 made it to Day 5 & 1 made it to Day 6. We did PGS on the Day 5 embryos, and 3 of 4 were normal. Had ET on 11/17. Beta #1 (8dp6dt): 203. Beta #2 (10dp6dt): 618. We since had two ultrasounds & on 12/19, our RE released us to the OB. On 1/02/14, we had our first ultrasound with the OB where we heard the heartbeat. We are so thankful for the blessing & crossing every finger & toe for a healthy & successful pregnancy.
I've been pretty open with my family and close friends, my DH mentioned it to his family just before Christmas, but we've shared very few details with them.
I'm not as annoyed about sharing information or unsolicited advice as I am with people acting like they know how it feels or what I'm going through. They have no idea.
TTC since 9/2011
IVF #3 w/ICSI = 9/2013 = BFP! Beta #1 9/9: 79, Beta #2 9/12: 441
EDD: 5/20/14
It's a delicate balance, for sure, between getting the support you need and making sure that your privacy is protected.
Sometimes I wish we'd told no one but I'm also a very open person, as is DH. We couldn't have kept it a total secret (and I don't know that we would have wanted to) but I do regret telling as many people as we have. It's tiring to get the questions about how things are going, especially when they're not going very well. No one knows how to respond and they often say dumb or weird things.
I also agree with the PP that even if you tell one person, that one person will definitely tell more people so you might just wind up with the gossip situation anyway. GL!
Hm, let's see - my mom and his mom know. He wanted to tell his mom. My two closest girlfriends know, but only after I asked DH if it was okay to tell them. A few people at work know, but they are people I am close to and I really wanted them to know because when absences start piling up, I needed some people to squelch the rumors. Oh, and my HR director knows because I had to discuss pending absences with him and it was easiest to just be honest.
I sometimes feel like too many people know, but DH and I have been trying for 19 months and many people knew that and we get the questions all the time. It's not something for us to be embarrassed about - it is what it is and we will make whatever we end up doing work for us.
Married 7-16-10; TTC since July 2011
Me - 34; DH - 35
Dx: Unexplained Azoo; all blood work normal (including chromosomal abnormality screens); no blockages; 2 SAs with zero sperm, TESA/TESE - no sperm found, likely never produced
Therapeutic Donor Insemination - DONOR CHOSEN!!!!
Natural Cycle IUI 9/3/13... 9/18/13 - BFP!!!! Stick baby stick!
Beta #1 9/19 (16dpiui) 144 hCG; 19.6 progesterone - Crinone to increase levels; Beta #2 9/23 (20dpiui) 705 hCG; 19.6 progesterone - continue Crinone; Beta #3 9/30 (27dpiui) 8355 hCG; 16.1 progesterone - continue Crinone
U/S #1 10/8 Awesome ultrasound! 1 healthy, growing little bean. H/R 128bpm, measuring 6 weeks, 6 days!; U/S #2 10/21 Just as awesome! H/R 179bpm, measuring 8 weeks 6 days!; Surprise U/S #3 10/28 - still moving along! Measuring 9 weeks 5 days; 12 week U/S & NT Scan 11/13/13: one wiggly, jumpy, kicking, punching, thumb sucking little bean!!! Scan looks good, normal measurements.
EDD - May 27, 2014
Don't you love it when family says crazy things like( it is because he is not Hmong) ugh. We got oh you will have no problem because my husband is puerto rican, so they think we should have 20 no promblem. Big hugs
TTC Since Aug 2011/
ME:34 all clear/DH:41 DX Severe MFI/
IVF w/ICSI OCT 2012 Stims started 10/8/ER 10/19/12/ET 10/24/Beta#1 11/2=BFN (beta was 1.2)
IVF 2.0-Baseline 11/7/12 beta 0/All Clear
Stim start 11/7/12//ER 11/19 11M//10F
ET 2 embies 11/24//Beta#1 28 Beta #2 23 Beta#3 29
stop meds Beta#4 37/C/P 5W5D EDD:8/12/13/IVF#3 in Jan
Ivf 3-frozen 3 poor 3day/fet=bfn
My Chart//>
TTC since 8/2010 (off BCP since 8/2009) Unexplained Infertility
12/10/2012 U/S #1 6w4d - heartbeat EDD 8/1/13
1/18/14 2:11am Abigial Morgan is here! 5lbs 14oz and 18 inches of pure cuteness!!!
My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.
PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins.
First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
IVF #3: NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0. Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN
IVF #4: (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
EDD 3/18/15!
Bless you:-)
Sorry your sister is so rude and doesn't understand your struggles =(
Were starting to talk about our TTC issues, I started bugging DH for a baby a year after we were married (11 Years ago). And when it didn't happen naturally and I was diagnosed with PCOS I just kept it to myself. I tried to be happy for friends who were having kids but it was hard. We finally got better insurance that allowed us to see a REI and since July 2011. My Mom knows we have had issues as she is also my boss so she knows when I see the doctor and has asked questions about the problems I have. She helps us as our insurance only covers 50% of the cost which is a big help. Beyond that Mother in Law knows because she lives with us and asks how the appointments go but tries to give advice which I wish she wouldn't like reminding me after each US that her sister was on Clomid for 13 months before she had her daughter 26 years ago. DH's sister is just down right rude and doesn't understand because she told me "Time to see the doctor then I guess" and "you guys can have mom live with you since you don't have kids". She poped out 4 kids so one after another and doesn't understand infertility even though most of her friends had such a hard time to conceive one child. Generally we don't say much especially after my Brother got all butt hurt because I didn't want to do my Trigger shot on the side of the road in some bathroom on Christmas Eve and take the chance of throwing away $200 that we spent on the shot if something happened to it. One of my friends I have known for 27 years I've started to tell her a little as she is due with her second baby and is sympathetic.