Question on breast-feeding etiquette.
On Christmas day we had my brother-in-law, his wife, their 6-week old, my mother-in-law, and husband's aunt over for dinner. This was the first time BIL and SIL have been to our house, and only the 3rd time we've ever met SIL. After they'd been there about 5 minutes, she started nursing the baby with no cover or anything, and kept doing it all the way through dinner. Even after the baby was clearly done eating, she kept it latched on and used her breast like a pacifier.
Now, I'm all for breastfeeding your child wherever you need to - be it in public, in the car (so long as you're not driving), wherever. But if it were me, I'd use a cover or a blanket or something, especially if I was at someone's house, and especially at the dining room table. What are your guys' thoughts on it? And I know this can be something of a hot-button topic. I'm not intending to start a slappy-fight with it. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there would be uncomfortable with a relative stranger's breast at the dinner table.
Re: Question on breast-feeding etiquette.
Meh. I generally used a cover or went to a quiet room when I needed to nurse. DS got so distracted, I'd be flashing everyone.
Im not uncomfortable at all with BFing, wherever it is. I mean, if the baby was nursing, all you saw was the top of her breast right?
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How did you know the baby was clearly done eating and she was using her breast as a pacifier? I have nursed and unless I was really staring or looking well at someone else I wouldn't know. Sometimes babies eat loudly and sometimes they don't.
I would rather use a cover and I am more comfortable if someone else does but that's my issue. I would not say anything if family breastfed at my house even if they weren't covered.
I don't think that's a big deal at all. I am not a fan of covers and found that wearing a nursing tank underneath a regular top provided more than enough coverage to still remain modest (my bathing suit reveals more skin than pulling my top up and pulling one side of my nursing tank down while baby latches on). If I was in a situation where I felt more coverage was needed, I just held a burp cloth above baby's head/over the top part of my breast, but that was really all that needed to be done to fully cover up. I am just not a fan of covering baby's face up with a huge blanket or whatever.
Also, so what if the baby was using the breast as a pacifier? Letting my daughter fall asleep while nursing and keeping her latched on was the only way we got through most meals in the early days!
Her baby is 6 weeks old. It takes awhile to get the hang of breastfeeding and sometimes a blanket or cover makes things worse. Stop judging her for feeding her kid and if it makes you uncomfortable, then don't watch.
Regardless of the above, if she was comfortable with it, I absolutely wouldn't judge. She's feeding her child. I, personally, was never comfortable NIP, but I was admittedly on the extreme side of modest. But that's me; my personal feelings. If she isn't modest and is cool doing it in front of family, good for her.
You'll do what you're comfortable with. In the meantime, let other mamas feed their babies how they see fit.
Her baby is 6 weeks old. It takes awhile to get the hang of breastfeeding and sometimes a blanket or cover makes things worse. Stop judging her for feeding her kid and if it makes you uncomfortable, then don't watch.
I mean, if you can use a cover, cool, but there are a lot of babies that hate them and you may not be able to use it. Just a thought.
I think this might be a bigger part of it than anything. The dinner, while civil, was still awkward.
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She can't control when her baby needs to nurse. I hated using a cover and think it is pretty awesome that she felt comfortable enough in your home and with family that she could nurse in front of you. Too bad she was judged for doing so.
Did you offer to wait until she was done nursing before serving dinner? I'm not really sure what she should have done if dinner was being served and she was still nursing.
I know I may get a lot of comments about this, but, IMO:
If you are at someone elses house, its disrespectful to not cover-up if you know that they are "uncomfortable" or what not.
For example: If someone was at my house and they decided to whip out their boob (i'm not just talking about lifting up their shirt and you not really seeing anything, I'm talking full on boob-age) and my DH was there, I'd be completely offended and ask that they either cover up or go into the other room.
I think this goes along the lines of kids misbehaving in friends' homes. If you think it's rude that a friends kid is running all hay-wire around your house and say something, how is that ok, but not ok when it comes to BFing?
NOW, if they are in public, in their own home (insert eye roll, it bothers me when people are upset that they are nursing in their own home, i want to smack anyone in the face for that) my response for that: GET OVER IT!
So yeah. That's my opinion. I will NIP, but if I'm in someone elses home, I'll be covering up at least a little out of respect for them. I don't need to shove my opinions on the subject to every person I know.
Edit: Clarified a confusing written paragraph.
In the future, it would be kind to ask her if she would like you to hold off on serving until she's done.
Yep. My DD hated covers and we would both end up a sweaty, milk sprayed, unhappy mess when we tried. I'm going to free boob it with this baby. Kidding. Sort of.
Well, I hope you have a baby who enjoys eating their meals stuffed under a hot blanket. Mine certainly didn't and ripped it off every chance he could.
Also, you just contradicted yourself.
This. I hope you say something to her so she knows to avoid you guys.
Not all babies hate covers, and there are many different options than a hot thick blank for covering up.
I don't know what you are referring to where I contradicted myself, so I think you may have misread or I wasn't clear enough.
For example: If someone was at my house and they decided to whip out their boob (i'm not just talking about lifting up their shirt and you not really seeing anything, I'm talking full on boob-age) and my DH was there, I'd be completely offended and ask that they either cover up or go into the other room.
I don't need to shove my opinions on the subject to every person I know.
How is asking people to cover up or leave the room different than shoving your opinions on people?
It is okay for YOU to not be comfortable nursing without a cover and to choose to cover YOURself up. It is not okay to tell another woman how to feed her child.
Ok let me rephrase: I have no place (when I'm in someone elses home as a guest) to say "I feel like I should not have to cover up to BF because it's a natural way to feed my kid and I don't care if you like it or not because I'm going to do it anyways and if you don't like it I'll leave and never come back".
That's what I mean, but not necessarily that mean lol thats just the only way I can explain what I'm saying without going on forever and ever.
I think what frustrates me is that those who choose to not cover up are ok to judge those who do, but when those who do cover up are huge fat jerks because they are judging. I'm not talking about anyone in this post, just in general. It frustrates me. When people say "to each their own" its like they don't even mean it.
I can understand being uncomfortable around it if you've never been exposed to breast feeding before or have never done it yourself.
No one in family ever nursed, so with DS, I would always go scurrying into another room to nurse, but it ended up getting really lonely and I was missing out on conversation and time with family & friends. Even though it made my dad uncomfortable at first, I started just nursing right in front of everyone. I would turn away for DS to get a good latch, cover up my boob as best I could with my shirt and continue on with the conversation/meal/game. Everyone got used to it and if they didn't like it, they could certainly go into another room.
In public, I used an A&A swaddle blanket to cover. But if it was hot or DS didn't want to be covered, we didn't cover.
OP -- if you are planning to nurse, you may completely change your opinion on this after you've been through it.
I don't get what the big deal is. It's not like that person is trying to seduce your husband or something.
I don't think anyone is judging people who choose to cover up, but are judging people for wanting OTHERS to cover up.
You're missing the point. It's perfectly fine to choose to cover yourself while nursing. What's not okay is insisting that others should too.
Have you ever actually breastfed a child?
I don't care about when or where people/I breast feed, but I know it can make others uncomfortable so I would sit in another room or use a cover. It's about respecting others as well as doing what you think is best. Around other women I don't care and wouldn't cover up, but when men are in the room it's a little different, IMO. I was asked to either cover or go to a different room and I wasn't offended at all. DS would pull the cover off as he wasn't use to it since at home we never used one so I would go to another room.
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I don't think a woman who has gone through nursing an infant would judge how any other woman chooses to do it. Like I said in my response, I was never comfortable NIP. Not even with a cover. I could only nurse in my car or in a room to myself. It was my own issue, but I don't believe that anyone judged me for it and I certainly don't judge women who nurse wherever, whenever. I fed my child. They are feeding their children. I've seen nothing but mutual respect among nursing mothers, really.
ETA: If you're talking about being judged for wanting a nursing mother to cover up, well, yeah. It's none of your business. But you will not be judged for covering up yourself, which is how I took the above.
It doesn't matter if they were or not. It also doesn't matter if my husband "is checking her out". Its a personal preference and the way I was raised. We both have the same thought about it as well. It's a personal opinion.
It kinda makes me laugh when people ask for your opinion and the other posters get ticked off and angry about other peoples views (not just about BFing). If you feel so strongly about something, don't enter the thread.
FWIW, I really do love reading everyone's opinions. It also helps because it gives me ideas for if things to work out as planned. I mean of all the STM's who has had everything go according to plan! lol
Shockingly, IRL, yes. I know a handful of gals that are like this. I want to sock them in the face =D
Exactly. There is absolutely nothing sexual about breastfeeding. Nothing. Even if a woman has her entire breast exposed while she's latching or has just unlatched.
If people are really that bothered by another woman's exposed breast, then LOOK AWAY.
So you know BFing women who don't use a cover, who are judging cover users, and you were raised to cover up? This really puts baby in a corner.