DH and I went to visit Mason's grave yesterday. It was the first time I had been there since his service. I'm not sure why I decided I needed to go right then. I'm also not sure if or when I'll be able to go back.
This has been such a hard week and the ones ahead aren't going to be any easier. Losing this pregnancy and undergoing the DnC when I should have been having Mason was so, so difficult. It brought back so much of the guilt and heartache.
Ladies, thank you all. This board is so amazing, plus it is so nice to know I am not alone.
I'm so sorry. The first visit is rough. I remember trying to avoid it thinking it would somehow be easier later - which it wasn't. I finally told myself (and is a mantra I use a lot) that "we've experienced the worst, nothing else is anything." The first time was really, really hard. Then it was ok for a while, then the engraving was done on his stone and it was hard again - made it more permanent. Now I go quite a bit. Sometimes when I need a good cry, sometimes when I just miss him and on special days. I sometimes go by myself. Sometimes with DH and sometimes with our dog too. You are not alone. If you don't go again or for a while, it's ok. If you do, that's ok too. Our babies are in heaven all playing with each other. Wishing you peace and love.
In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11.
Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind
Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me
Missing you tonight, see you again sometime
For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
Now and Forever
My baby you'll be
I can understand that this is
hard, but I believe that with time your anxiety will lessen. We chose to cremate
our daughter and i keep her ashes in a little heart shape box.
Re: I finally made myself go.
In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be
corbinsmommy.blogspot.com