Skipping Christmas

Had our dr. Appointment today, also during finals.. We couldn't sleep because we were so excited to hear the heartbeat etc., we talked all night.. she couldn't locate heartbeat with the dopple but acted as if normal at 10 weeks that its hard to find. After pap, she said my uterus was a little smaller than she would like it to be so we did ultrasound to be sure everything was okay. . Baby stopped growing at 6 1/2 weeks. Same as our last little angel. So now we have two beautiful babies waiting for us in heaven.. We don't understand why, we are devastated. But we will pull through. I beat my Fianc home and I threw away everything magazines, picture stuff that we were gonna use for our Christmas announcement and I got to the Onsie an slippers and notes that we have been leaving each other about baby and I just collapsed. This isn't fair. I packed them away with our last angels stuff.. In going to bed now. Good luck to all of you mommies, my best wishes and prayers are with each and every one of you.

In the past I have tested positive for lupus then negative again, then tested positive for rheumatoid then negative again in my blood draws. I have had chronic pain for three years. Dr wants us to get to the bottom of this before trying again to be sure it's not a blood clot issue
At this point I don't know when I'll be ready to try again, the first time was hell, this time we have chose a dnc, so next week Our angel will be gone..

To top off the devastation we told soon to be mother in law and she says "why weren't you being careful, I thought you were gonna save money and get married" my fianc hung up. We are almost thirty years old, doing just fine financially, haven't got married because I'm in school. Sorry we aren't perfect fairy tale. We wanted this and the least you could do is be there f