Being Sensitive Or Not Funny?
GeeksWithSqueaks
member
Comments made by grandpa to be, who is housing me till after the baby is born.
1st: I asked for a dollar for a vending machine after running errands on only oatmeal for breakfast and was getting a headache. First comment in need of judgement: " do you ever stop eating or should I just drop you off at the grocery store so you have your pick" ( I'm 30 wks, gained like 9lbs for the whole thing) and then when I didnt laugh " relax would you, you have to eat for two now I get it" (these made in public, crowded lobby)
2nd: 4 hrs after the first, with a massive headache he offered to buy me lunch, and I was rather hungry so I ordered and extra burger (a small one) with my combo and he looked so mortified he asked if I would go sit down and he would bring the food over. And on the way home he looked to me " I thought I was going to have to take a second job trucking for wendy's to get them more food after you had been there" (thank god it was in private)
3rd: Im on bed rest, with restrictions on stairs and lifting mainly. So I asked if he would mind lifting the jug of water up to the counter since the other one was now empty and I headed to the bathroom he muttered " why don't you do it, its only 10 lbs" and when I tried to say thank you and explain why I couldn't, thinking maybe he didn't remember (he's bad for forgetting things when tired" he got pissed off " I was F**king joking, or did you need a cookie to make you feel better or shut you up"
4th: an action, 4 different points when I have tried to talk to him about things going on with my belly or things I have noticed since he has said my mother didn't include him at all he goes" let me take care of it for you" and then pretends to punch me in the stomach, and despite letting it go the first 2 times and then telling him I didn't think it was appropriate or funny the 3rd I get told to relax and stop having hemroids (sp)
I will take brutal truth if people think im being overly sensitive, I just wanted to know if I was getting upset for no reason or if others would find these comments hurtful or at least inappropriate.
Re: Being Sensitive Or Not Funny?
And I don't consider restrictions on lifting and stairs bedrest, but I'm a FTM on bedrest and it was told to me that bed rest equals bed ridden.
It's hard to tell the tone and such of the conversation...but since I don't know him or you at all and he IS being nice enough to house you closer to the hospital you need to be near I'm assuming what he is saying and doing is meant well, but said poorly.
People, MOSTLY MEN...ESPECIALLY OLDER MEN, don't understand how sensitive pregnant women can be about weight gain & eating and all that. My Grandpa always used to say things about how big I was or how I must have gained weight because I looked stronger (this is when I was younger), but to the old fashioned mind that is a compliment, it was a show of strength or whatever...he wasn't trying to be rude by it you know?
Like I said...hard to tell the meaning without hearing the tone and knowing the individual. I hope he is just coming across wrong!
BFP#1 on 02/14/09 BIRTH to Mason 6lb9oz on 10/12/09
BFP#2 on 5/28/11 EDD 2/1/12 Natural M/C on 6/13/11
BFP#3 on 1/20/12 EDD 9/30/12 Natural m/c on 1/27/12
BFP#4 on 4/23/12 BIRTH to Isabella 7lb1oz on 12/19/12
1st: NBD. Tiny bit insensitive, but whatever.
2nd: Really, dude?
3rd: Don't cuss at the pregnant woman when YOU'RE purposefully being a jackass!
4th: OK, WTF is wrong with this guy?
Yeah... I agree with this assessment. Maybe just stop talking to him about the pregnancy stuff. Hopefully he lightens up
In regard to food comments, ignore him and eat what you want. You know how hungry you are, how much weight you have gained, and any concerns in that regard are between you and your OB.
In regard to anything else, just stop talking to him about your pregnancy altogether. He is being a d!ckhead, and it's no wonder your mother didn't include him at all.
If he continues to be an a$shat about it, I would tell him exactly that: "if this is how you talked to mom about her pregnancy, no wonder she didn't include you in any of it." If that doesn't get through and strike a chord, then nothing will.
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He's being a d!ck. However, are you paying rent or helping with food costs while you are staying with him? If you are staying there and eating there without helping with the costs or chores, it could be bugging him. Rather than man up and say, "hey I'm stressed out" he is being a jerk. Talk to him. Tell him how much this stuff hurts you.
Why are you staying with your father? Where is your significant other in all of this?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I think it depends on the doctor. I know my friends doctor called it "bed rest" when it was basically just restrictions. She told me bed rest had levels. (I'll have to ask her about that again. She had a lot more complications with her pregnancy's) I had Pree and was on bed rest, which meant for me only getting up to use the bathroom for 2 weeks. I was induced at week 37.
Some guys are just more jerks than others. I'd ignore him as best your situation allows you to. Behind all teasing is the truth of how people really feel. I'm sure he just doesn't know how to deal with what is really bothering him. My Dad can be like that, but not quite as mean as this man.
I second all PPs who said to try to leave him out of all pregnancy conversations.
Don't keep repeating the same behavior patterns: you say something expecting sensitivity, instead you get jocularity or rudeness, you react, he gets irritated... Break the cycle yourself, since you can't wait on him to do it. He might enjoy teasing you, so you can't rely on him to change.
I just wanted to thank all of you for your thoughts. I know sometimes especially since being pregnant I can be a little sensitive so I appreciated the range of opinions and suggestions, they are going to help a lot!
He's finishing an unpaid practicum that has him moving from 3 different cities every couple of months, and since its unpaid hes staying with family friend and on couches to finish. So if it we rent with my father in a big city it would be with his parents in a very small city that required driving 3+ hours just to get an ultrasound and check ups :S
(to the bedrest thing) I keep calling it light restrictions and my doctor keeps correcting me to bed rest so I will " get the serious" limitations my body has already shown to have during this pregnancy at least. I always assumed it meant on bed all the time kinda deal. But I got tired of being corrected, and the lecture that came with it XD