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March 2013 Moms
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Shower vent

KateTCKateTC member
in March 2013 Moms

I wrote on here a few weeks ago because no one had yet offered to have a shower for me. When I was home for Thanksgiving my mom said that she would like to throw the shower, but wasn't sure what the etiquette was on that. I told her she could talk to my best friend and since I threw her shower I was sure she would offer to help my mom. Well my mom saw her and mentioned the shower and my friend said nothing of helping my mom. My mom is more then willing to throw it, which I am very thankful for. But I also think she was hoping to get some help from my friends. I am just annoyed and hurt that my friends didn't step up, especially when I threw them showers in the past!

Thanks for letting me vent! I know this isn't a huge deal. And I am very blessed that my mom is throwing a shower for me!

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Re: Shower vent

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    evasitoeevasitoe member
    maybe your friend wants to surprise you...who knows...try to see things on the good side! I cannot imagine that she will not do that for you especially if you throw her a baby shower in the past...Maybe your mom is covering for her...I don't know...anyhow, don't stress about it, you will have a baby shower that's what matters...
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    amber31288amber31288

    If your mom really wants some extra help, maybe she could just ask your friend point blank. Or even you could. I know this isn't the way things are supposed to be done, but none of my friends would ever be offended if I just said, "Hey, my mom is throwing my shower, but is there any way you could help her with some ideas?" or whatever the case may be. I also wouldn't be bothered if one of my friends asked me in this way.

     

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    swelniakswelniak member
    I think your feelings are justified. That is just a mean thing for your friend to do. Showers are about showing you care in my book, not about the presents. Also, my mom is throwing my shower with my grandma and my friends are helping and I don't think it's bad etiquette at all. I think wedding showers are a little more of a no no for parents just because they're paying for the wedding. Babies are different. Good luck and I hope it's just a misunderstanding with your friends.

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    Sparkles01Sparkles01 member

    I don't really understand the bad etiquette of the mom hosting the shower.  Someone asked me if my mom was throwing mine and I said "oh my aunt is...apparently it's bad etiquette for the mother of the honoree to throw it" and they were all confused and had never heard that.

    Still crappy your friend didn't even offer to help, but have your mom do it and enjoy yourself!

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    KYmama9286KYmama9286 member
    I can see why you are upset but maybe your friend isn't in a place that she can financially afford to help throw a shower. I've thrown many showers in the past and even on a budget they are quite pricey between decorations (even basic decorations), food, planning games, etc. I also know that depending on the timing maybe it isn't something your friend feels comfortable taking on because she has a lot going on- yes it sucks to not have your friend reciprocate since you threw her a shower but at the same time once you have kids money can get tight and your schedule can get busy really quickly. I would take your mom up on the offer- I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent helping host. My mom and MIL both have helped with every shower ever thrown for me (2 wedding showers and 2 baby showers). I don't think its a big deal and if your mom is concerned that she will need help then I would ask your friend point blank- maybe say that you were wondering if your friend could help with some of the day of stuff, make it clear there isnt any financial help needed more just help with getting everything set up/torn down, coordinating details and coming up with a theme, getting out invites, etc. 
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    ninambutlerninambutler member
    My mom is throwing my shower with help from my aunt and a family friend. None of my friends are. I don't see that it's bad etiquette. But I can't believe your friend! I would be very hurt. Even if she couldn't help out financially she could express that and say she's still interested in helping to prepare, with ideas, with cooking, etc. That's very hurtful when you did such a nice thing for her and she refuses to do the same for you.
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    KateTCKateTC member
    Thanks for your responses. I talked to my mom again and she is happy to do it. She said if she needs help she will ask my friends. I guess I was just hurt my friend didn't offer to help with anything. But maybe she will once the date gets closer. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I'm just very thankful and appreciative that my mom is doing this for me.
    Thanks for letting me vent about it!
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