I always feel more comfortable leaving DD with my parents than with my in-laws. My in-laws are lovely people, they raised 4 kids and DH and his siblings are all wonderful, and they have been nothing but loving and caring towards DD. Still, I always would rather leave my daughter with my parents than with my in laws. I do try to be fair and have my in laws take care of my DD. I want her to be close to both sets of grandparents. Anyone else feel this way or am I crazy?
Re: Anyone else feel this way?
Can you figure out why you don't trust them as much? Is it their age? Physical limitations? Is it bc you feel more comfortable giving instructions to your mom then your MIL? Is there something your mom does or doesn't do vs your MIL that makes you prefer your mom?
This is true for us too! We are working with them on it but it will be a while before I can trust them again. PP gave great advice to help you figure out why you don't trust them as much.
I think it is normal to prefer your own parents over the ILs. I have great ILs who watch our kids periodically, however, if given a choice I would rather have my own parents watch them. There is really no logical reason for me to feel that way, I just do.
I think it just comes down to the fact that your comfort level is usually going to be higher with your own family.
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yes - I do too.
To me, its just easier to have my mom watch DD even though I don't really think she does it any "better" my MIL is just nervous all the time and she's constantly trying to "help" DD - who doesn't want/need help. My mom (nor surprisingly) has the same attitude/expectations that I do.
Everyone has preferences. I love my parents, but I would worry less about my kids if they were with my in laws. They just make choices that are more thoughtful and cautious. But I have left my DS with my mom for overnight stays and would again.
When I can, I involve both sets, like at birthday parties or this spring at Disney, both grandmas are coming. But sometimes they have special time, and that is ok too. As for care taking, we go with what makes the most sense. Usually that is my mom coming here (she lives three hours away and MIL lives six.)
YES!!!! I do feel much more comfortable when DD stays with my parents, but they are 10 years younger than my in-laws. My parents are also in really good shape, super active, etc.
My mother in law is wonderful with DD, but she is very overweight and can't walk well. I worry about her carrying LO upstairs or just keeping up with her in general. DD is very fast these days. Father in law is recovering from his 4th heart surgery, and just can't do much physically.
So yes, I do think I have good reason to prefer she stay with my parents when we go away. DH and I both travel a lot for work, so she does stay with my parents several times per year.
I think it's totally normal to feel preference for your own parents. That being said, if there isn't any tangible reason to NOT use your IL's, obviously you need to work past these feelings.
We can't use my IL's, though. And DH is on the same page. Their age, health, etc. It's not safe for DS.
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I prefer my parents to watch DD over my ILs too. Fortunately, DH feels the same way. My ILs are great people and they love DD, but they sometimes do stuff that makes DH and I wonder what were they thinking. For example, one time DH and I came home to find DD walking on top of our glass dining room table and playing with the crystal chandelier. DH was mad at FIL who was just like, oh, well, she wanted to touch the chandelier..........
My parents just show better judgement around DD in general. Plus, my mom will go out of her way to do projects with DD, or bake cookies and let her decorate them, while my ILs kind of just sit her in front of the TV. She is still close to both sets of grandparents, though, we just supervise a little more when the ILs are around.
There are circumstances where it's totally reasonable to feel this way.
My in-laws are totally intimidated by babysitting and get overwhelmed after barely an hour. My mother would be happy to take LO for a week.
On the plus side, my in-laws are totally self-aware and minimize how often they volunteer too. Their own preference is that my mother do the majority. They're just as fond of LO. They just aren't up to it. (They're younger than my mother; that's not the issue. Just personality.)
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
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