Community› The Bump Month Clubs› April 2013 Moms
April 2013 Moms
New Discussion

Advice on Stepdaughter and In-laws

silverfanaticsilverfanatic member
in April 2013 Moms

Yesterday we had "Thanksgiving" with my step-daughter (4 yrs old) and in-laws. I believe my in-laws go by the names "Pap Paw" and "Grandma". My stepdaughter, who adores my FIL, attempts to call him by his name but it winds up coming out as Papa. It's really cute to see them together but I noticed she has picked up on him calling my MIL by her first name. Every time she referred to my MIL yesterday, she called her by her first name. I cringed and prayed someone would say something but they didn't. When we left, I informed my DH that it bothered me as I felt it was disrespectful. However, I don't know how to explain this to a 4 year old that it is okay to call her stepmother, me, by my first name but not other adults. I'm also unsure other than "I'm the adult and you're the kid" how to explain why it's fair that I get to call them by their first names but she doesn't. My husband agrees that he feels it is disrespectful but he doesn't know how to address it either. Has anyone experienced this before? Any advice?

As a side note: We do not have custody of the child. We take her about 3-4 times a year to DH family functions and all the other visitations are either just with DH and I or just with the in-laws. Not many opportunities for behavior modification. Should I just leave it alone and hope she calls her by "grandma" or "grammy" or something when she sees our baby starts doing it?

Report Reply to Post

Re: Advice on Stepdaughter and In-laws

  • DarlingNIkki1028DarlingNIkki1028 member
    Why not have her just put Grandma in front of your MIL's name? That's what I always did growing up. However, it's probably just a phase, and seeing as though you don't have her more than a few times a year, I wouldn't sweat over it. She'll probably forget about it by the next time she sees your ILs.
    BabyFetus Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Anniversary


    BFP #1: 5/10/12; 5/22/12: pregnancy deemed not viable (probably CP)
    BFP #2: 8/2/12; Due date: 4/14/13, DD born 4/5/2013
    BFP #3: 11/2/14, Due date: 7/7/15
    Report Reply
  • vickel08vickel08 member
    My family is really big on not calling adultsby their first name. I still call my aunts and uncles unlce___. My niece is three and she attempts to call people by their first name to see if she can get away with it. We usually just correct her. For example she tried to call my husbad Drew the other day. I just looked at her and said "it's uncle Drew" and then waited for her to repeat.  If you give those reminder she may get the point; however, the adults all have to buy into it. If the grandma allows it them it may be hard for her to correct.
    Anniversary Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers image
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • silverfanaticsilverfanatic member

    imageDarlingNIkki1028:
    Why not have her just put Grandma in front of your MIL's name? That's what I always did growing up. However, it's probably just a phase, and seeing as though you don't have her more than a few times a year, I wouldn't sweat over it. She'll probably forget about it by the next time she sees your ILs.

    Thanks. I hope you're right and that it is a phase. I did the Grandma Ann and Grandma Cat thing when I was growing up and it worked well. I do this when referring to my husband's grandmother. I think I'll try this with MIL too.

    Report Reply
  • silverfanaticsilverfanatic member

    imagevickel08:
    If the grandma allows it them it may be hard for her to correct.

    Exactly my point! She sat there and didn't say a word. I think we're going to have to have a convo about it.

    Report Reply
  • mypalbabsmypalbabs member
    imagesilverfanatic:

    imagevickel08:
    If the grandma allows it them it may be hard for her to correct.

    Exactly my point! She sat there and didn't say a word. I think we're going to have to have a convo about it.

    You see your step-daughter 3-4 times a year.  I think your time is better spent on bonding than correcting what she calls her grandmother.  Seriously, you prayed someone would correct her?  It's all very pearl-clutchy.

    The word you're looking for is SEX.  I promise.  No, it's not gender.  It's sex.  You're welcome.
    Report Reply
  • JSS1002JSS1002 member

    I would just tell your SD what she shoud be calling her grandmother -- with your MIL's input.

    I don't think this is a big deal though, she's probably just mimicing what she hears other people call her.

    My grandma's were both named Marge, so we called them Grandma (Last Name).

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker   

     BabyFruit Ticker

    BabyFetus Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"