Parenting after 35
Asking for honest feedback
My fiancee and I are both new parents. I'm 37 and he's 43, our baby is 4 weeks old. I realize that we need to adjust our lives and daily activities to the baby's schedule. One thing that has bothered me since we started dating 4 years ago and is still bothering me today is that my fiancee picks his mom up from work twice a week as a courtesy. There is nothing wrong with her physically. She is fully capable of taking public transportation or driving herself. I feel that now that we have a baby there is no reason for him to leave the house for the sole purpose of picking up his mom unless she is in distress. Am I wrong for thinking this? I've expressed how I felt but he doesn't get it. When I was pregnant he only picked me up from worked on the days he picked her up. I think this should stop. Thoughts?
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Re: Asking for honest feedback
I agree. If it doesn't take a lot of time out of his day, then I don't see the problem. Everyone is entitled to their own "personal" time. The addition of a new baby shouldn't mean he has to give up something like this.
UNLESS... you feel he's doing it as an escape from you and the baby. Or if you feel the mother is getting in between you two as a couple. Which it sounds like it is not.. he's just giving her a ride. If he was spending every Saturday or Sunday all day at her house or something, then I'd put my foot down. This doesn't seem so bad.
Are you jealous of the time he spends with her? It seems pretty minimal, really. Is this a battle worth fighting?
I think you need to consider the alternative. If he doesn't do the drive home thing how else would he see and connect with his mom? Will you have her over for dinner once a week?
I also think you need to consider how YOU are going to feel when your child's spouse tries to limit your access to them in the future. My guess is that it would make you feel kinda crappy. Especially if that is your only child or the only child that lives nearby.
I agree with everyone else. This is not really a hill I would want to die on. Your concern over this sounds a bit petty and makes me think there is more to this story.....
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I'm sorry...but I am not getting why it is wrong for him to pick his mother up from work. I mean, I would understand if, say, it was a woman totally unrelated to him...especially like an ex girlfriend or wife or something...but this is his mother. I am going to guess is that the real reason this bothers you is because you don't like her for whatever reason.
Sorry...I got to enjoy a few martinis tonight and I think my filter has broke...but I have two separate conclusions drawn from this post: #1 - you are wrong or #2 - given that this is your second post and you didn't come back for more, this was a lame attempt at MUD.
I am going to go with "you are wrong for thinking this".
Unless there is more to the story, I do not see the big deal. At all.