June 2011 Moms
waterfall11
member
Share your IL/Family vents here
waterfall11
member
It's that wonderful time of year where more family time than ever is expected. I'm already getting frustrated with our families and we haven't even hit Thanksgiving. How is your family or ILs driving you crazy so far?
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Re: Share your IL/Family vents here
My in laws are generally nice people but have been driving me crazy. They complain about not seeing DD but never come to visit. I let them know we can skype any time but they never initiate (except the one time they wanted to after her bedtime). The world revolves around BIL to them and this drives me insane. They told DH that they were going to visit for his birthday but then mentioned to me this is only if BIL and SIL can make it. Why should their visit be dependent on if they can make it? They don't want to see DH for his birthday unless their favorite son will also be there? We trade off Christmas/Thanksgiving each year and this is our year to spend Christmas with them. I talked with them today and they said they will be doing whatever BIL and SIL want. So, we are driving 2 hours to their house and then they may drag us 2 hours another direction because BIL and SIL want both families to come to them every year now (after 6 years of dating where they would spend Christmas Eve with one side and Christmas day with the other). I am sick and tired of being the unimportant kids just because they worship the ground BIL walks on. DH has dealt with this his whole life and is ok with it and tells me I just need to get over it but I can't. ETA: I grew up with this on my dad's side of the family (Grandma seriously favored uncle and his kids) and it sucked. I hate that DD will be growing up with that as well.
My parents are currently separated so I have no idea what Thanksgiving with them will look like but I am sure I will have a lot to vent about after the fact.
I'm waiting for the fallout. My mom had a huge fit last year because we decided that we were going to open presents as a family Christmas morning and then later everyone else could come over. She made comments on Christmas day that "next year she was not missing it" etc.
We are continuing to do presents with just DH, DD and I and I'm sure my mom will once again have a huge fit. Not to mention in the past few months our relationship has become non existant. She's annoyed that I never call her (she would like for me to call several times per week to talk about nothing) so she's ignoring me and in turn ignoring DD. She's probably seen her twice in the past 6 months, then gets annoyed that DD is shy and doesn't want her.... But that's a different issue.
ILs would love to be here early in the morning to open presents but will respect our wishes to have to family time and be over in the afternoon to do presents with DD.
OMG. I got online just to post a vent and this was the post at the very top of the screen. I do have to say that usually my MIL is very good to us and we've never had a problem. A couple of weeks ago she asked if she could come up and get DS the Sunday before Thanksgiving and keep him until we came down. DH & I were confused b/c it was not exactly worded that way and we didn't understand her request. We talked about it and both of us agreed that if that is what she wanted we both did not want to do it. Later on we were skyping and she asked what we thought. DH didn't know how to respond and kind of stuttered and tried stalling so I finally chimed in that we were both uncomfortable doing it. She later emailed us and told us to think about it more and that she would take very good care of him. We know she would. However, my parents might be up visiting that weekend. She said she would not leave until Monday, but that is two nights without him. On Wed., he would probably be asleep by the time we got there because they are 3 hours away and DH has basketball practice after school before we leave. We would get there late. So we would probably not see him until Thursday. DH thought about the weather. A few years ago it snowed and the roads were so bad that we did not travel. Today we got another email that said "I guess me keeping DS for a couple of days before Thanksgiving is a NO since I haven't heard anything. Just let me know. I'd take really good care of him. Just thought you guys could use a break to sleep, do something for yourselves or just relax. Just let me know." Well, let me think about he now sleeps through the night. DH is coaching and doesn't get home till 6:30-7:00 p.m. on practice nights and it will be 9 p.m. or later when it is a game night. So DH only gets to see him for an hour to 1 1/2 hours a day. It's not like we are going to go out on a date since he doesn't get home late. Plus, it is during the week and we have work the next morning. I am also taking a class. However, I am lucky and get my hw done when DS goes to bed. If you wanted to do something nice like that, why didn't you come up when he was younger and give us that time. Don't get me wrong, they came up here and babysat one night when we went to a wedding. Since she mentioned this the first time, we offered that she come up twice. Once was to watch DS while DH & I had parent-teacher conferences. The other time DH was going to his brother's, but I told her to feel come up and spend time. I would've probably scheduled a message! DH thought about maybe letting her over break because I honestly would not mind 1 night. I was thinking in the Spring when DH is done with basketball. I kind of wonder if she has a project in mind for a Christmas gift and that is why she is getting this mad. Oh well, guess this is how it is since we have a LO now. I am glad they care and want to be a part of his life. Sorry this has gotten so long, but like I said at the beginning I got on to vent. If you made it through all of it, give yourself a pat on the back. Thanks for listening. Guess it is glad to hear others are in the same boat. Misery loves company.
Gosh, no fights yet, but I'm sure they will be happening soon.
Honestly, it's terrible to say outloud, but things go a lot better when we don't talk to my ILs very often. They are finally getting the blatant hint that if they don't start being nice to us, that they won't be included in our lives. Honestly, it's been nice having MIL kind of kiss my butt a little and send LO cards every so often. Things have been so terrible for so long, that it's nice to not be worrying about them and/or screaming at each other for a few months now.
We never have issues with my family. They're certainly not perfect, but they respect our wishes and back off when we ask. DH loves them and often says how he's closer to them than his real family, which is kind of sad, but I love that they're close.
We are due the week before Christmas this year, so we have told everyone to basically back off. Ha. Last year, ILs threw an absolute hissy fit about now being invited up from out of town on actual Christmas day (we always celebrate the weekend before or after since they live 4-5 hours away, so I don't know why it was such a "shocker"). MIL made a shitty comment about how she's "not going to allow that to happen again this year." I pretty much ignored it b/c she was drunk.... again.... Whatever. Last year was her fault. She should have been grateful to be included at ALL, especially when our relationship has been complete and total sh*t the last few years. They're not invited on Christmas this year either. They will be invited the weekend after. Again. If they choose to not come again, not my problem!
Our World!!
Blaine Emerson Bailey Rae
3-31-14 6-10-11
I wish I knew wtf was wrong with my IL's. I wish they would want to be more involved in their grandkids lives. MIL gets offended when we make jokes that Z doesn't remember her when she does her every few months. The kicker? They live 10 minutes away!!! My parents live over 2 hours away and come to visit a week or two. I just don't get it. DH tries to tell me "oh they're just home-bodies and they're set in their ways". Well, that's not acceptable to me!I hate taking Z there because they both smoke like chimney's in their house and being there for even 30 minutes you walk out stinking so bad. And I refuse to let them smoke around my child.
It makes me so sad, my 8 yr old stepson says all the time that he can't wait to go to his mamma and papas (his mom's parents) and have a sleepover. I want Z to come home from school when she's older and get excited about having sleepovers with nana and papa. I just feel like that's never going to happen. And now DH doesn't know if he wants more kids. I want to cry because I feel like Z will grow up and be alone, and I'm afraid I will resent him for it. Now he says we'll talk about it after xmas ::eyeroll::
I also blame them for some of DH's emotional shortcomings. His dad NEVER told any of the kids that he loved them, they were never involved in their sports, etc. DH is involved in SS's sports, but sometimes he makes it seem like it's a task to go, especially if it's during something he would rather be doing, like during hunting season. DH does tell Z and SS all of the time that he loves them, but I can't help but feel that his parents lack of emotion passed something down into him, or maybe scarred him in some way.
Sorry for the novel ladies, but it feels really good to get that out there!
Honestly my only vent is that we don't get to see them enough. They live 12 hours away and it's really hard to make that trip with C and with our jobs.
SIL & BIL are going there for Thanksgiving which is one of the times ILs usually come to see all of us (we live 1 hour away) because MIL gets a whole week off (FIL is self employed and can take off whenever) so I feel kind of like we're getting short changed a visit but oh well.
We haven't spoken to my in-laws since early August when his mother had a freak out b/c we didn't invite them on our beach vacation with my parents (long story, but we did a beach trip with them years ago and it was miserable). At that same trip over there (they're only 45 min away), MIL acted like I was a terrible mother for letting DS get a bug bite ("where did you take him???") and also called him "mean" for crying when she immediately snatched him away from me as soon as we walked in the door. Yep, at 14 months...he is such a meanie. This is all on top of about 100 other things I've had to put up with from her. His dad is okay, but doesn't even help matters. He just disappears when MIL acts up.
I know that we're going to have to see them in the coming weeks, though. We don't do Thanksgiving with them, but a couple weeks after is one of DH's nephew's bday and we'll be going over there for that. It's been a peaceful few months, though, not looking forward to that ending (and it will...we go through these phases and DH eventually says we need to put an end to the silence and we go see them...they never reach out to us, though).
My family is great! No issues. It's the ILs I have issues with. I have not seen them since September when we were out there (3 hours away) for a funeral. Before that I can't tell you the last time we saw them. They didn't even come to DS's 1st bday party. Of course why would I think they would come out for that, I mean in the 6 years we have been married they have only been out here 5 times - once for our house warming party, once for our wedding, twice when G was born (and I only give them 2 visits for that because they insisted on coming to the hospital as soon as I was admitted and I kicked MIL out of the room - long story - so they went home and returned a day after G was born) and the last time was for Gs baptism.
We have not seen them on a Thanksgiving day in years because DH usually works that day - which MIL doesn't understand, but again, that's a long story. DH is on a short lay off from work right now and even if he is back to work by then, we think he will actually get Thanksgiving off this year. But no one has invited us out yet and I don't plan on mentioning anything.
Christmas is a whole different story. My side will do anything and meet at any time to make sure we can all be together. His side - nope - they decide what time and that is that. And it always has to be on Christmas day. This makes it really difficult for us because it is a 3 hour drive on a good day - even longer when it snows - and they always schedule it for right in the middle of the day. So in order for us to leave to get there on time, we can't do anything in the morning but maybe make it to morning mass. And even if we leave early, by the time we get home it is too late to visit anyone on my side.
The past few years we have not gone out on Christmas day because either DH has to work or we have just decided that it is just too much in one day. So of course that puts me on MILs sh!t list because it is all my fault that everyone is not together on Christmas day. Nevermind that we start making calls right after Thanksgiving trying to find a day when we call all get together out there. But that is not good enough. Oh, and last year was even worse since it was Gs first Christmas and he couldn't be there with the grandparents.
I hate hosting parties at my house because it is so small but I am half thinking that this would be the perfect year to announce that I am hosting Christmas at my house. I will just pick a day and time that works for us and when they can't make it or complain about having to drive 3+ hours in the snow and ice, I will just laugh. Wow, that makes me sound like such a mean person! I guess I am just sick of trying and trying and trying and always ending up being on the sh!t list anyway. There have been some things that have been said either directly to me or to someone else in the family that I ended up finding out about this past year that have made me VERY angry. At this point, if I don't see DHs parents this holiday season I wouldn't care. They want to be so involved with DS yet never even sent him a birthday card once they knew they weren't coming out for his party. Oh, I need to stop, I am getting upset...
DH's family is a mess. Parents are sepereated, aunt and uncle are separated, but that uncle is DH's god father so he still wants to see him for holidays. We have 4 places we need to be on Christmas, and its exhausting. Next year, I'm putting my foot down and saying we're not doing it again!