Thanks everyone for all the sweet and thoughtful messages earlier this week. We saw an OB specialist on Tuesday late in the day. He is incredible and saw us at 6 pm even though his appt day was way over. And he was able to get me in for the procedure on Wednesday at noon. In some ways it has felt like a whirlwind, but as we knew this was possibly coming, it was a decision we had talked about endlessly for almost as long as we've known each other.
We found out we were having a boy, which makes it more real. I know some people wouldn't want to know, but I felt like if I didn't know, it would make it seem like nothing and I wanted it to be more than that. I was really hoping for a boy.
Anyhoo, some people asked about us trying again and adoption and what not. As for trying, there is a 50/50 chance every time that this could be the case. We said we would try once and see what the universe/God had in store for us. And it seems we got our answer. Neither one of us, at least at this point, can imagine going through this again and potentially having the same results.
For adoption, we looked into it prior to trying the old fashioned way. Private adoption here is hard to come by and the chances of getting a baby are slim to none (something like 15%), so really our odds are better to try to have our own healthy baby. Overseas adoption is way too expensive. We have thought about trying to foster, but that seems to come with its own hurdles and heartache potentials. Still a possibility though, so we might reevaluate in a year or two and see how we feel. The other option is in-vitro - they can test my eggs and get the healthy ones and then implant them, but again, the cost and chance of actually conceiving is low.
While we would LOVE to have kids and we would make great parents, for now, we also know that we're happy as we are and we knew before getting married that this could happen so we were prepared to be childless. Easier said in theory than practice though of course. In many ways I feel horrible for DH as this is my "fault" (I know it's not my fault exactly and I'm not to blame, but it is my stupid DNA :P). But he is happy as we are and for now, we'll enjoy each other and spoil the crap out of our adorable niece.
Thanks again for all the kind words. It was great being pregnant with all of you for the past 4 months.
Re: Bad news - update
I'm crying for you, and it isn't just the hormones. I am SO incredibly sorry you have to go through this. Thank you so much for explaining everything to us in such great detail. Not that it matters one bit, but I really respect and understand your decisions. I hope you have a fast recovery and that you and your husband take your time, enjoy each other, and perhaps consider those other options some day down the road.
My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. If it isn't too upsetting for you, I hope you stop back in and to keep in touch with the board. Lots of love and hugs.
BFP #1: 08/17/2012 DD1 born 05/01/2013
BFP #2: 07/31/2015 M/C 09/23/2015 (11.5 weeks)
I am so so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and I hope you two take comfort in each other.
Thank you for sharing your story and you will be missed on this board.
Lots of thoughts and prayers.
Second, if you are really interested in private domestic infant adoption, it is totally possible. I encourage you to look more into it when your ready. It may take awhile, but it does happen. Don't rely only on local agencies, look outside your area too. I highly recommend checking out the adoption board.
I adopted my first . We waited for 16 months. It was so worth it.
Third, whatever you decide, I respect that and which you peace in your decision.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
Thanks everyone.
I'm typically a very optimistic person and focusing on all the things we can do has helped me get through. That's not to say I'm happy about what's happened, but DH and I are focusing on the trips we can take and the money we can use to pay down the house early, save for retirement, etc. I know we can be happy either way. Just hard to be happy at this current moment.
My BFP Chart
My heart is with you.
Someone's getting a little brother!
I am so so sorry for your loss. Many thoughts and prayers coming your way.
i am echoing te sentiments of others - you seem like a strong and amazing person as does your husband. I'm glad you guys have each other to lean on.
Lastly I am currently pregnant through In Vitro- I had a very good experience and if you have any questions or ever want to chat (now or down the road) feel free to ping me.
"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th
Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!
Molly Mildred born 03/31/13
TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast
Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"
Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN
Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle
Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized
1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!
Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015
TTC #1 since May 2010. BFP #1 - 5/31/10; m/c on 7/22/10
Started seeing RE in August 2011
5 IUIs: BFN; IVF #1 - Success! BFP - 7/25/12
This brought me to tears
Sorry again for your loss and good luck with whatever you and your H decide to do in the future.
BFP #2: 11-7-14, CP (BFN: 11-13-14)
BFP #3: 3/24/15 EDD: 12/5/15
It sounds like you are really handling this as well as can be and considering your options. It is amazing how well you and your husband are supporting one another, and feel content and happy enough in your marriage to be satisfied with any of the decisions you will make in the future about children.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out the way you hope.
Married: 6/27/2008
DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
M/C 6/2012
DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE!
M/C 12/12/2016
BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
EDD: 7/2/2018
I am so very sorry for your loss.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your husband.
I just wanted to send you some hope. My husband and I are on pregnancy #8. We do have 2 older living children. So, we have had 5 losses since our son was born in 2004. We know many have been chromosomal. My last loss in 2010 was a little boy at 19 weeks. It was traumatic for my whole family. I gave myself/my family a year to grieve the loss of our son. during that time, we would make no decisions about future ttc/adoption. We sought grief counseling. It was very helpful.
After a year, my husband said he was ready and wanted to do ivf/CCS (like pgd only newer). He reviewed our insurance and we had one shot. I was not sold. I was scared. Finally, after thinking about it for a few months more, we started the process. The process was fine, but had its challenges. We made a normal female embryo! She was perfect! I was worried, but everyone reminded me all it takes is one. We went forward with transfer and it failed. More heartache. Ugh.
We met with our genetic counselor again to find out what our risks/chances were to try without art. It was a no go. We cried, grieved again and decided to move on. Due to a clotting factor, I cannot take hormonal birth control. We decided to use condoms all summer while the kids were out of school and we were traveling then do something permanent this fall when the kids went back to school. In August, we had a condom issue and wouldn't you know it, I ended up pregnant and very, very scared. After 11+ weeks of absolute fear, we learned that this baby is healthy. It's a complete shock and a true gift. We really didn't think it was a possibility for us.
I hope this gives you some hope. I know it's not been an easy journey. I know your heart is broken. I know whatever you decide will be hard and may cause more pain along the way. But, give yourself some time to grieve and see where you are at. There are incredible things that you can do. You can try ivf/ccs. You can use donor eggs and/or donor sperm. You can adopt. You can close the chapter and move forward with the family you have. But, you need time to assess where your heart is and where your head is.
I know, for me, hearing stories of hope was hard. I wasn't ready to hear people tell me what miraculous things *could* happen. It made me angry. I didnt feel like it was possible for me. But, when the pain wasn't so intense, the grief less overwhelming, and I started thinking about the future, the stories of hope came back into my mind. It hurt less and opened my mind and heart to what if.
I wish you peace over the coming days and weeks. Be kind to yourself and each other. Please take care.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you must feel. Praying for your emotional peace and comfort.
::hugs::
Tyler (10/29/08)
and Lily (4/21/13)
Young and in Love.
11.07.09 <BR> From Hightops to Flatlands: My Blog