April 2013 Moms

Bad news - update

Thanks everyone for all the sweet and thoughtful messages earlier this week. We saw an OB specialist on Tuesday late in the day. He is incredible and saw us at 6 pm even though his appt day was way over. And he was able to get me in for the procedure on Wednesday at noon. In some ways it has felt like a whirlwind, but as we knew this was possibly coming, it was a decision we had talked about endlessly for almost as long as we've known each other.

We found out we were having a boy, which makes it more real. I know some people wouldn't want to know, but I felt like if I didn't know, it would make it seem like nothing and I wanted it to be more than that. I was really hoping for a boy. <3

Anyhoo, some people asked about us trying again and adoption and what not. As for trying, there is a 50/50 chance every time that this could be the case. We said we would try once and see what the universe/God had in store for us. And it seems we got our answer. Neither one of us, at least at this point, can imagine going through this again and potentially having the same results. 

For adoption, we looked into it prior to trying the old fashioned way. Private adoption here is hard to come by and the chances of getting a baby are slim to none (something like 15%), so really our odds are better to try to have our own healthy baby. Overseas adoption is way too expensive. We have thought about trying to foster, but that seems to come with its own hurdles and heartache potentials. Still a possibility though, so we might reevaluate in a year or two and see how we feel. The other option is in-vitro - they can test my eggs and get the healthy ones and then implant them, but again, the cost and chance of actually conceiving is low.

While we would LOVE to have kids and we would make great parents, for now, we also know that we're happy as we are and we knew before getting married that this could happen so we were prepared to be childless. Easier said in theory than practice though of course. In many ways I feel horrible for DH as this is my "fault" (I know it's not my fault exactly and I'm not to blame, but it is my stupid DNA :P).  But he is happy as we are and for now, we'll enjoy each other and spoil the crap out of our adorable niece.

Thanks again for all the kind words. It was great being pregnant with all of you for the past 4 months. 

Re: Bad news - update

  • I am so sorry for your loss
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  • I'm crying for you, and it isn't just the hormones. I am SO incredibly sorry you have to go through this. Thank you so much for explaining everything to us in such great detail. Not that it matters one bit, but I really respect and understand your decisions. I hope you have a fast recovery and that you and your husband take your time, enjoy each other, and perhaps consider those other options some day down the road. 

    My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. If it isn't too upsetting for you, I hope you stop back in and to keep in touch with the board. Lots of love and hugs. 

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  • As I said before, I am so sorry for your loss.  You and your DH sound like an amazing, strong couple and I am so glad you're able to be at peace with your decision.  As time goes on, perhaps the right opportunity will arise for you, but if not, think of all the fabulous and exciting things you and your DH will be able to do together child-free!  We'll miss you.

    BFP #1: 08/17/2012  DD1 born 05/01/2013

    BFP #2: 07/31/2015  M/C 09/23/2015 (11.5 weeks)

    BFP #3: 12/16/2015 DD2 born 8/27/2016
  • I'm very sorry you are going through this.  I hope you find peace and comfort soon. 
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  • I am so so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you have a very supportive husband and I hope you two take comfort in each other.

    Thank you for sharing your story and you will be missed on this board.

    Lots of thoughts and prayers.

  • First, I am so sorry for your loss.
    Second, if you are really interested in private domestic infant adoption, it is totally possible. I encourage you to look more into it when your ready. It may take awhile, but it does happen. Don't rely only on local agencies, look outside your area too. I highly recommend checking out the adoption board.
    I adopted my first . We waited for 16 months. It was so worth it.
    Third, whatever you decide, I respect that and which you peace in your decision.

    TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption! 

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    Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!

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  • imageFremdschamen:
    As I said before, I am so sorry for your loss.  You and your DH sound like an amazing, strong couple and I am so glad you're able to be at peace with your decision.  As time goes on, perhaps the right opportunity will arise for you, but if not, think of all the fabulous and exciting things you and your DH will be able to do together child-free!  We'll miss you.

    Thanks everyone.

    I'm typically a very optimistic person and focusing on all the things we can do has helped me get through. That's not to say I'm happy about what's happened, but DH and I are focusing on the trips we can take and the money we can use to pay down the house early, save for retirement, etc. I know we can be happy either way. Just hard to be happy at this current moment.

  • So sorry for your loss, I really hope that whatever avenue you try works out for the best for the two of you.
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss, not just of this child but for the potential loss of the family you desire. I hope you can find peace.
  • I am in awe of your strength in this. So sorry for your loss. You have a very lucky niece and I hope someday, in some way you are able to be a parent if that is what you decide you want.

    My heart is with you.
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  • You seem like an amazingly strong woman and God has good things in store for you, I know it. You'll follow the right path for you and your DH. I wish you nothing but the best. Prayers and hugs to you.
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  • I'm so very sorry for your loss. T&P's to you and your husband.
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  • So sorry for your loss. Sending you love and happiness wherever you are.
    TTC since May 2012; BFP July 31st, 2012; EDD April 13th, 2013 BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker Anniversary
  • I am so incredibly sorry.  Your strength and view of life are inspirational.  So many thoughts and prayers for your loss.
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  • I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Keeping you and DH in my thoughts.
    BFP #1: 5-14-2010, DD born 1-22-2011
    BFP #2: 4-20-2012, Natural MC 5-1-2012
    BFP #3: 7-19-2012, DS born 3-27-2013
    BFP #4: 9-13-2014, MMC discovered 10-27-14 at 10w, d&c on 11-6-14 

  • I'm so, so sorry for your loss. 
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  • I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. You have my deepest condolences. Many blessings and much success in all that you do.
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  • I am so so sorry for your loss. Many thoughts and prayers coming your way.

    i am echoing te sentiments of others - you seem like a strong and amazing person as does your husband. I'm glad you guys have each other to lean on.

    Lastly I am currently pregnant through In Vitro- I had a very good experience and if you have any questions or ever want to chat (now or down the road) feel free to ping me.

     

     


    "I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I'm giving you all my love, I"m still looking up."
    TTC #1 since August 2011 MFI Diagnosis - April 2012
    IVF #1 - July 2012 - Stims start 7/2, ER 7/12, 20 retrieved, 16 mature, 13 fertilized!
    ET - 7/17 - 1 blast transferred. Beta - 7/26 273, Beta 2 7/30 - 1143. Beta 3 8/6 - 11,597
    12/25 - Santa tells us "IT'S A GIRL!" EDD - April 4th

    Our Little Easter Bunny has arrived!

    Molly Mildred born 03/31/13


    TTC A Sibling....... FET #1 11/14/14, Transferred one beautiful blast

    Remaining four frosties arrested due to "embryologist error"

    Plllllleasssee stick little icicle.....Beta 11/23...BFN

    Starting ALL over with a fresh IVF cycle

    Stims start 11/28/14, ER December 10th, 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, only 4 fertilized 

    1 Blast Transferred on December 15th..... Beta Christmas Eve... Please Santa, bring me a baby!

    Beta #1 345.....Beta #2....750/ First U/S 1/13/15/HB 131....EDD 9/2/2015

  • You and your husband seem like incredible people.  So very sorry for your loss.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  I wish you and your DH all the best and I'm so glad you have each other.  
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    TTC #1 since May 2010. BFP #1 - 5/31/10; m/c on 7/22/10
    Started seeing RE in August 2011
    5 IUIs: BFN; IVF #1 - Success! BFP - 7/25/12 Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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  • This brought me to tears :(

     Sorry again for your loss and good luck with whatever you and your H decide to do in the future.

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    BFP #2: 11-7-14, CP (BFN: 11-13-14)

    BFP #3: 3/24/15 EDD: 12/5/15

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  • I'm so, so sorry. Thoughts and prayers for you and your husband.
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  • It sounds like you are really handling this as well as can be and considering your options.  It is amazing how well you and your husband are supporting one another, and feel content and happy enough in your marriage to be satisfied with any of the decisions you will make in the future about children. 

    I wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out the way you hope.

    Met: 1/21/2005
    Married: 6/27/2008
    DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
    M/C 6/2012
    DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
    BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE! 
    M/C 12/12/2016
    BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
    EDD: 7/2/2018


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  • so very sorry for this. lots of T&P!
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your husband the best in your marriage and as you figure out what path is best for you. You will both be in my thoughts.
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  • I am so very sorry for your loss.

    My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your husband. 

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    Farewell, nesticle, you will be missed
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  • I just wanted to send you some hope. My husband and I are on pregnancy #8. We do have 2 older living children. So, we have had 5 losses since our son was born in 2004. We know many have been chromosomal.  My last loss in 2010 was a little boy at 19 weeks. It was traumatic for my whole family. I gave myself/my family a year to grieve the loss of our son. during that time, we would make no decisions about future ttc/adoption.  We sought grief counseling. It was very helpful.

     After a year, my husband said he was ready and wanted to do ivf/CCS (like pgd only newer).  He reviewed our insurance and we had one shot. I was not sold. I was scared. Finally, after thinking about it for a few months more, we started the process. The process was fine, but had its challenges. We made a normal female embryo!  She was perfect!  I was worried, but everyone reminded me all it takes is one. We went forward with transfer and it failed. More heartache. Ugh. 

     We met with our genetic counselor again to find out what our risks/chances were to try without art.  It was a no go. We cried, grieved again and decided to move on. Due to a clotting factor, I cannot take hormonal birth control. We decided to use condoms all summer while the kids were out of school and we were traveling then do something permanent this fall when the kids went back to school. In August, we had a condom issue and wouldn't you know it, I ended up pregnant and very, very scared. After 11+ weeks of absolute fear, we learned that this baby is healthy. It's a complete shock and a true gift. We really didn't think it was a possibility for us. 

     I hope this gives you some hope. I know it's not been an easy journey. I know your heart is broken. I know whatever you decide will be hard and may cause more pain along the way. But, give yourself some time to grieve and see where you are at.  There are incredible things that you can do.  You can try ivf/ccs.  You can use donor eggs and/or donor sperm. You can adopt. You can close the chapter and move forward with the family you have. But, you need time to assess where your heart is and where your head is.  

    I know, for me, hearing stories of hope was hard. I wasn't ready to hear people tell me what miraculous things *could* happen. It made me angry.  I didnt feel like it was possible for me.  But, when the pain wasn't so intense, the grief less overwhelming, and I started thinking about the future, the stories of hope came back into my mind.  It hurt less and opened my mind and heart to what if. 

    I wish you peace over the coming days and weeks. Be kind to yourself and each other.  Please take care.

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  • So sorry for your loss...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your special angel in heaven.
  • I am so sorry you are going through this.  I cannot imagine the heartbreak you must feel.  Praying for your emotional peace and comfort.

    ::hugs:: 

    Mommy to
    Tyler (10/29/08)
    and Lily (4/21/13)

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  • So so sorry for your loss. You are such a strong woman and really have a good head on your shoulders. Praying for you and your family that you find peace and comfort soon. Hugs!
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  • Sorry for your loss <3
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    Young and in Love.
    11.07.09 <3<BR> From Hightops to Flatlands: My Blog
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