Babies: 0 - 3 Months
irritated with DH....vent
Ok so LO is 3 weeks old at this point, and we have been blessed with an easy baby. I am a SAHM, since DH works long hours I took over ALL night duties. Im not resentful of the care our son needs but I m resentful of the sleep DH is getting!!! We are EBF so its not like there is very much for DH to do at this point. But Im angry at him most of the time. Plus I care for LO all day. DH works 16 hours most of the time, again not DH fault. Help is anyone else in the same boat? Or am I just crazy!!!!
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Re: irritated with DH....vent
My DH works 70-80 hours/week. He owns a consulting firm so this is just life for us.
DD STTN now but he did get up and help when she was waking frequently during the night. I just couldn't do it all alone. During the night he'd get up, change her, and reswaddle her while I went to the bathroom then he'd make sure I was all set with the bfing, get me a glass of water or whatever, then go back to bed. Really, he would only be up for 15 minutes at the most and he can go right back to sleep so NBD and no worse than when he use to have to take calls in the middle of the night.
For bedtime, DD was going to bed around 12-1am for quite a while (and still does sometimes). DH would head to bed at about 10:00 then if she was being really difficult, I would get him up to help. If either of us dealt with trying to put a fussy baby down for more than an hour, we'd switch so neither of us would be up all night.
Let's be honest with ourselves here. Most of our DHs are not off creating world peace. Sure, he's going to work but it's not any easier to be home with a fussy baby all day that you are trying to BF, especially in the beginning. My DH is in IT and works in an office. He carpools to work. He might not love it but it won't hurt him to function on 5-6 hours of sleep. It might be different if he did something physical that could potentially be dangerous to do without enough sleep but he doesn't.
I will say around 7 weeks it got a lot easier because DD got much more efficient at the breast I could put her down drowsy she would fall back asleep. So the 1 hour nighttime feedings have been reduced to 1520 minutes which is much nicer for mommy's sleep!
Bottom line, even though your DH works, he should help you at night when you need it which in those early weeks you do!. And talk to him about your feelings, he's a guy and likely doesn't think he needs to offer to help if you are EBF, let him know there are things he can do to help, even if it's just sitting up with you and giving you support.
I don't think it is reasonable at all to ask DH to get up with you for nighttime feedings when you are BF, staying at home with LO, and he has to leave for work the next day. His compant isn't requisite to a successful nighttime feeding, even though it might be nice to have him stick around.
THat said, I do understand what it is like to hit a wall, feel resentful, etc. You do need sleep too.
DH gives DD her last feeding of the night. That allows me to be in bed about 9 PM and sleep for a few hour stretch at least; longer now that DD is 9 weeks old.
Also, in the morning if DD wakes up for the third time around 5 am or so I've asked DH to just bring her to me so that I can BF her while lying in bed. Often DD and I will both fall asleep.
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Ask him to do the bedtime routine on Friday and Saturday nights. He'll figure it out.
It got much, much better after DS was sleeping through the night. DH helps out a lot now. However, I'm dreading going through this new baby phase with him again. My hormones will be raging, plus this time I won't be able to sleep during the day because of caring for DS. Fingers crossed he helps out more.