Please Help...
kyrsties
member
I am 20 weeks along, and this is my first pregnancy. My "DH" and I broke up in May, and we have been seriously rocky for a long while. On my last doctors appointment, he punched me in the arm, in the stomach, and grabbed my face so that I almost wrecked while driving. I have tried to be cordial with him because of the fact that I am carrying his child, but I found out yesterday that he is talking to the ex-girlfriend who he has been talking to on and off for the main bulk of our relationship. He wants to go to doctors appointments, but he has no initiative to put any money toward our $225 monthly doctor bill. I also feel like I want someone there who respects me, cares about me, and can enjoy it with me... that won't make me completely miserable the whole time (like my mom or sister or best friend). When it comes to raising the child, because of his instability emotionally, his tendancy to just take off in the middle of the night, and his abusive tendancies, I am very hesitant about him being around our child by himself. My mother has suggested child support and supervised visits. Have any of you been in this situation? I feel like I am not thinking clearly at the moment (hormones may be to blame, maybe), but any advice?
Re: Please Help...
Well, good thing you don't think I'm overreacting. He hasn't tried to be around me physically since that last doctors appointment, but he wants to go to this one coming up on the 27th (our Biophysical Ultrasound), and I don't know... You're right though, and I should file a police report and give them the pictures I took of the bruises he left. What about the baby when he/she is born? What do you think about visitation?
Um, this.
Who cares if he wants to go to the doctor's appointments when he is physically hurting you? You need to protect your child. Who cares what your husband is doing now that you're separated? That shouldn't be a concern of yours.
Unfortunately, if he is the father, he can have rights as a parent, but I wouldn't give him any unless he (or you) takes you to court.
Um, this.
Who cares if he wants to go to the doctor's appointments when he is physically hurting you? You need to protect your child. Who cares what your husband is doing now that you're separated? That shouldn't be a concern of yours.
Unfortunately, if he is the father, he can have rights as a parent, but I wouldn't give him any unless he (or you) takes you to court.
Why have you not contacted the police??? He's abusing you! Husband or not, baby daddy or not, he's hurt you WHILE YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!! I can understand not wanting to rock the boat and incite his anger, but this is truly unacceptable. I think you need to tell your doctor or one of the nurses what happened. Especially if he shows up at the appointment. They will take care of the situation for you so you don't have to be the one to call the police.
Get yourself in touch with a women's shelter and let them help you.
Due to the little number of posts, I am hoping this is MUD. If it isnt, then you need to seek protection in the form of a restraining order. The other PPs are very wise and their advice should be taken.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
To a T. If this is MUD, get a life. If not, get a lawyer and contact the police ASAP. No one, man or woman, deserves to be abused physically, emotionally or sexually by anyone at anytime.
Are you actually married to this guy? I ask because of the quotations around DH. If you aren't, then he has no rights to the child unless you give them to him (by signing for paternity and the birth certificate), or he asks for them in court. If you are married, then he will automatically have rights the same rights that you will have to your child. Either way, you don't have to tell him when you are in labor. He does not have any right to be in the room while you are giving birth, or even in the hospital during the process.
Without a doubt, you need to get a restraining order. A local women's shelter should be able to help you with that. Do not invite him to any dr appts or tell him when they are. This is your health, your appt, he has nothing to do with it, period. Be sure to let your OB and staff know that he is not welcome.
Can you go stay with your mom and sister? Please be frank with your family and let them know what has been going on. You will need their support.
Start building your case for supervised visits. You will need to show the court why you think this is a good idea. Physical abuse, substance abuse, whatever. Start a journal and notate every thing. Take pictures when possible. Best of luck!
I definitely agree with the ladies here, and I am glad for the support. It had been getting worse and worse until that day, and he had been emotionally abusive for a long, long time before that. I haven?t been around him physically since the incident, which is probably why I didn?t call the police that day or file a restraining order. I convinced him to leave that day with his things, and he hasn?t been back since. It has just been the dilemma about whether he should continue going to the doctor?s appointments from now on? and the other things that are involved with pregnancy, child classes and such. To fauxshelle, I didn?t know the nickname for it on here, but we had been engaged for over a year. I have let my family and friends know the situation, and I have seriously thought about staying with family or friends. My mom has seriously suggested the idea of supervised visits if I am going to allow him to see the child? because of his anger and his tendency to just take off in the middle of the night, and I took pictures of the bruises he left on me this time. Thank you all so much!