Co-Worker Vent/Need Advice

bnbasch515 · July 2012

I have a co-worker who is much older than me and has never had children. She is always commenting on what I am eating, how big my stomach is, and pretends to waddle whenever she sees me. I said something to her last week, that for someone who has always been very small like I have and now has a basketball for a belly, I have become very self-conscious. She has continued to make the comments and waddle, so I told her I would appreciate it if she stopped and that, no offense, but she has never been pregnant before so she doesn't know how it makes me feel. The worst part is I am one of her supervisors and she is still treating me like this. Today, she waddled past me and I ignored her thinking if I don't play into her she will stop, nope I was wrong. She comes past my desk while I am eating my lunch (crackers, chicken salad and 2 small slices of watermelon) and say I guess you are taking that eating for 2 thing seriously. Any suggestions or advice would be great!

kadokatie30 · July 2012

Talk to HR. You have told her how you feel and asked her to stop. If she keeps doing it, it could be considered harassment. You don't have to file a major complaint, but at least maybe HR could talk to her or you could talk to her again with HR present. She will get it.

phq2011 · July 2012

That would not fly with me. I would qualify that as harassment and start taking notes of what happens and when, then file a complaint with HR.

melody921 · July 2012

kadokatie30:
Talk to HR. You have told her how you feel and asked her to stop. If she keeps doing it, it could be considered harassment. You don't have to file a major complaint, but at least maybe HR could talk to her or you could talk to her again with HR present. She will get it.

This. And aside from being insensitive, she sounds pretty dumb since you're her supervisor.

kristinanderik · July 2012

She sounds like a bitchy, unhappy woman. File a formal complaint against her and eat what you want, girl!

jw87 · July 2012

She sounds like one of those socially awkward people who think they are hilarious when in reality they are super annoying.

I would do an email, LOL... (MIL post anyone?)

Sometimes people like her are incapable of listening to face to face conversations because they are so consumed in their next move and they need a little quiet time to actually read your words and know you mean business. I would politely tell her how it makes you feel, that it's really starting to put stress on you at work and that you would like her stop. It may hurt her feelings (which good, she is obviously super clueless) but it maybe a better option before running to HR.

But if it continues, I would go to HR and even bring a copy of the email so they know you really tried to handle it yourself.

GL! She sounds like a total weirdo.

CraftyKayla · July 2012

Definitely talk to HR about her.

lisastro · July 2012

kadokatie30:
Talk to HR. You have told her how you feel and asked her to stop. If she keeps doing it, it could be considered harassment. You don't have to file a major complaint, but at least maybe HR could talk to her or you could talk to her again with HR present. She will get it.

This!

Aldensmom · July 2012

Sounds like harassment to me too. You have every right to file a complaint with HR and especially since you have already asked her to stop. Sounds like she's jealous of you. She's being ridiculous!

bellag8212 · July 2012

I would file a formal complaint.. I can't believe someone would have the nerve to do this.

BronzeMama · July 2012

I differ with the advice of telling her how you feel. She obviously doesn't care how you feel and the more you talk about it, the more power you are giving her.

Don't give her that power. Take it back by not giving her the satisfaction of knowing your feelings.

Plus, from a business perspective, it actually doesn't matter how you feel.. it only matters that her behavior is affecting her ability to do her job. If you go to HR, you might want to remove the personal from it and keep it matter of fact. As her supervisor, she is focusing more on your pregnancy then she is on her work and you are concerned that her constant focus and discussion on pregnancy is superceding conversations she ought to be having about the work getting done.

An employee who exhibits a wanton lack of focus is easier to fire than one who made you "feed bad," you know? Plus, when you start talking feelings, HR will start thinking "hormones." And I think it's best to just avoid that bc you don't want anyone saying that you're a hormonal supervisor.

geogirl999 · July 2012

As her supervisor you have the responsibility of making sure her bahaviour is appropriate in the workplace. If you've already given her a verbal warning, I would move on to the written warning, where you call her into your office, recap your previous discussion (try to document as best you can) and say that being that her behaviour hasn't changed, you need to elevate your concerns as she obviously hasn't taken your concerns seriously. Try to keep all references to feelings out of it and try to remain as objective and professional as possible. It is a potential harraassment (sp?) issue and needs to be addressed accordingly.

Hyaline · July 2012

Before taking it to HR I would say something to her once more (provided you're in a workplace that you're comfortable doing that). Honestly, your comment, while it *should* have been enough to tip off a normal person, probably wasn't blunt enough to get through to someone who thinks that making weight jokes with a pregnant woman is ok. I would nicely but firmly tell her that you don't find the jokes appropriate and that she needs to stop. Since you're her supervisor, I think you need to be a little more assertive than running to HR.

kcalpin · July 2012

geogirl999:
As her supervisor you have the responsibility of making sure her bahaviour is appropriate in the workplace. If you've already given her a verbal warning, I would move on to the written warning, where you call her into your office, recap your previous discussion (try to document as best you can) and say that being that her behaviour hasn't changed, you need to elevate your concerns as she obviously hasn't taken your concerns seriously. Try to keep all references to feelings out of it and try to remain as objective and professional as possible. It is a potential harraassment (sp?) issue and needs to be addressed accordingly.

This. Pull her aside and give her the written warning (to her face, not via email) and explain to her that if she doesn't stop, you'll have to go to HR. You've done enough by talking to her about it.

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