I don't know how I want to react
ASmallWonder
member
Isn't that ridiculous? haha I'm not sure how I feel about this so help me out.
Every July 4th we go to a cookout thrown by my extended family. Any get together that doesn't involve DH's friends of family makes him groan because he says he doesn't have anyone to talk to. But this once a year cookout is the only thing I ever ask him to go to. This year he wants to go to his brother's house for the day (who we saw last weekend and have seen about 4 other times in the past few months) and have me take Aiden to see my family.
I guess I kind of don't care except that it leaves me with all the kid wrangling while he gets a day totally to himself. Plus then I have to answer everyone who asks why he isn't there. Do people care why someone isn't there? Do they take it personally? I don't know how to phrase "He got a better invitation" :-p
I honestly am not someone who cares if their DH goes out or whatever but I feel slighted that the only time we're supposed to hang with my family, he wants to bail.
Re: I don't know how I want to react
That would, and has bothered me. I get that my friends & family aren't nearly as fun as his are but like you, it's not a frequent request.
What we usually end up doing is spending half the day at one then the other half at the other. Any way you could split it up like that?
This. If he just can't do it then you tell him that you are entitled to a day to yourself while he takes the kiddo to one of his many family get togethers.
This, and I think he's being an asss about it. Its once a year, suck it up and deal. Thats not too much to ask considering how often y'all spend time with his family and friends.
And if you want, throw in a couple of tears (I am not above manipulation as a last resort) and say how you don't feel that he likes your family and how its very clear that people who are important to you are not important to him, blah blah blah.
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Pretty sure that when he married you, he married your family so he needs to suck it up and get to know your family. There will be many more 4th of July family parties so if he starts talking now, come next year he'll have someone to talk to!
THere have been many times where DH doesnt' want to hang with my family but I give him the evil eye (that involves a lot of huffing and puffing too) and he goes. My DH gets along great with my family but they're just not as "cool" as his family.
Here's the thing. Aiden is very attached to my in laws. I love that but for various reasons (one being that my mother is insane), he doesn't have much of a relationship with my parents. I'm not crazy close with the people at this cookout but it's the one time a year we all come together and catch up. I know DH thinks is completely superficial because we don't see each other the rest of the year and I get that. But it's a tradition I've had my ENTIRE life. I don't like the idea of Aiden growing up believing that when Daddy's family has a party, we all go. When Mommy's family has a party, Daddy doesn't have to go. One of my dad's cousins is married to a man who never ever attends our family functions and we all joke about what a complex it gives us. It's weird and uncomfortable that someone can't stomach a group of fairly normal people for a few hours over a hot dog, kwim?
This. My family is pretty awkward and not very easy to get along with. We usualyl don't stay long at family gatherings because I don't always feel that comfortable and neither does DH, but when he does start to feel weird, DH will usually just focus all his attention on DS rather than deal with my weird family haha
I'd say this.
I'd tell him that you feel it's important that he attend your function, and that you see his brother over the weekend.
And I can tell you my family would probably take it personally that DH didn't show up, but would be glad that I was the one with the kids. I would probably word it that his family had something going on too, so you spilt the invites. But I would really want DH to come with me.
If he wanted to do something else but would see your family the other 12 times of the year you get together, then I'd say let him go. But if this is absolutely the only thing you ask, then he needs to go.
This is the crux of the issue. I don't want to make him go. But I'd rather he figure out that you don't ask to be excused from ONE family event a year so that I'm not put in the position of having to "permit" or "deny" his request, kwim?